You probably heard about Nonviolent Communication. It’s very useful and, if I was the president, I would make a law to teach this at school ! You’ll find dozens of books about this, and you should buy one.
Jacques Salomé is a French author (I recommend “If Only I’d Listen to Myself”, it’s his best book and it’s probably the only one translated in English) who says that when we argue (with colleagues, with your parents, with your wife), you bomb the other with definitions :
- You are so lazy!
- You never loved me!
- You are like your mother!
- You always forget your socks everywhere in the house!
- You are such a liar!
- You You You!
See? In an argument, we say “You”, we define each other. Of course, this is mean, violent, useless and stupid. It’s “sticking words to a person”, so what?
Salomé call it “La Communication Klaxon” (because in French You is Tu, tututuuuu, like a horn). Stop youyouing the other ones. Use this :
It’s simple. Say “I” instead of “You”. Talk about your own feelings, and tell why you’re hurt, learn how to argue with elegance, be constructive and helpful. It’s a matter of kindness and benevolence. That’s all. And that’s a good key!
Love. Thanks for reading!