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Unsteadiness, Propositions & Expectations : Life!

I’ve known someone who expected people around her to be :

  1. Steady
  2. Without any pressure
  3. Without expectations

It was really like an Instruction Manual!

I explain her… expectations :

  1. If you say you’ll doing something, you HAVE to do it. Steady. You have no right to change your mind, or to adapt to events, desires or possibilities. STEADY like a sh*t in the fridge.
  2. It is forbidden to ask. Propositions are considered nasty. Because it’s “pressure“.
  3. Don’t have any expectations (which are “pressure”, of course). You own brain is considered useless, or boring, and therefore will not be considered.

So I’ve have been a complete mess next to this person! Because :

  1. I’m not steady and I will never be. I make mistakes, I change my mind, I meet other people with desires. Things happen. Reality is complex and moving. I adapt. I am not steady.
  2. I have a brain and I use it, so I love propositions! If I feel close to someone, I feel free to tell what I think. I expect a dialog, and a person able to say “no”, but also “yes”.
  3. I – of course – have plenty of expectations, because I’m alive. I am not a king, but there’s no queen around either. Equality is interesting. In certain situations, I expect something, yes. I don’t understand why I shouldn’t, too!

 

A few dials :

  • In fact, I don’t even know what pressure is… Human beings I’m in relation with, have questions, propositions, ideas. I dance with them. Or not.
  • The idea of pressure means you COULD be pressured. Which is absurd, between adults. Unless you feel weak, nobody should be able to pressure you (exception : your manager, and the law).
  • If you’re used to obedience, any living human interaction will harm you.

 

What, or who is really like this? :

  • Steady
  • Without any pressure
  • Without expectations

A zombie, a robot, a valet, or a dog. With communication skills, but in a certain way only : obedience (and understanding what you’re asked). There’s an instruction manual, right? Just follow. Be strong. Or run.

Thanks for reading!

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My Secret for Abandonment Syndrome

Abandonment issues are so common that I wonder why it’s not studied at school !

Well, you know it by heart : “I constantly feel frightened that people I love will leave me”.

And well… they do!

Lovers or friends, they leave you. Their choice!

That’s life, but you’re destroyed, angry, and in panic. At some point, it’s almost ridiculous, right?

Lise Bourbeau wrote a book about this wound and other wounds from childhood. She says that abandonnic people (“les abandonniques”, this is the way we call this tribe in France) protect themselves with any kind of dependency (addictions, difficulties to be alone, need of approval, etc).

You already know what is abandonment (or else Google will help you). What I want to share today is a secret a good friend of mine (she’s 60) told me one day.

She said to me that after each break-up she was so dying sick that she decided one day to see a therapist.

After a year she said to him that she was OK. He smiled and answered “No you’re not!”.

She needed three more years to get it, to understand the secret in the deepest of her mind. She said to me something like :

“Abandonment is a scar, a wound so deep that you never heal, you will never heal, ever. So… when I’m into the turmoil of a break-up, I just watch how the pain invades me, how it burns inside my chest. I recognize it. I say “Hello, pain! Do your stuff, I know you”. It burns you, just feel it. There’s nothing you can do, little man, nothing”.

Four years therapy to understand this. This is Ninja!

Bonne journée !

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Fuir -> To Flee/To Leak – a #Deleuze word game

Fuir is a French verb, well, TWO French verbs, which are homonyms :

  1. Fuir : To flee
  2. Fuir : To leak

Therefore, it’s the same for “la fuite”, two homonyms :

  1. Fuite : a flight, an escape
  2. Fuite : a leak

So I suppose you understand it’s a bit “weaved” in our French brain. And if I ask “Fuite” in http://www.wordreference.com/, I find interesting things to prove it :

  • Fuite de capitaux : Capital flight (a leak, a flee)
  • Fuite des cerveaux : Brain drain (idem)
  • Ligne de fuite : Convergence line (in French, so, more like “a lign of flight”)

Gilles Deleuze is a playful philosopher. He likes to play with concepts to make tools.

He notices that to flee is NOT to renounce, or to give up, it’s a real action. To fly away is going on a line which stays like a symbol. It’s fuir (to flee) but also faire fuir (to “make a leak”). To run away is sometimes like to puncture the place you leave. You leave a hole, maybe… Therefore, a leak…

Fuir/Fuir : Flee/Leak.

Yeah I know, it’s a game of words, but it can give birth to ideas, right?

I like this idea too : to run away is to draw a line. Where you ran away, you have to do something else, the place you “leaved” (OK, left) does something else too. Flee as a disturbance. Each of them draws new lines, more lines. It’s like inventing new maps. To flee is quitting a territory A to go to another territory (B). Is it a “go back”? A flee & discovery? If there’s a leak on B, what is its nature? What happens, then? Can the runaway bird be replaced? By what? If you fly away, are you forced by something, pushed away, is it a choice?

More Territories games : you can see here.

Have a good day!

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