Abandonment issues are so common that I wonder why it’s not studied at school !
Well, you know it by heart : “I constantly feel frightened that people I love will leave me”.
And well… they do!
Lovers or friends, they leave you. Their choice!
That’s life, but you’re destroyed, angry, and in panic. At some point, it’s almost ridiculous, right?
Lise Bourbeau wrote a book about this wound and other wounds from childhood. She says that abandonnic people (“les abandonniques”, this is the way we call this tribe in France) protect themselves with any kind of dependency (addictions, difficulties to be alone, need of approval, etc).
You already know what is abandonment (or else Google will help you). What I want to share today is a secret a good friend of mine (she’s 60) told me one day.
She said to me that after each break-up she was so dying sick that she decided one day to see a therapist.
After a year she said to him that she was OK. He smiled and answered “No you’re not!”.
She needed three more years to get it, to understand the secret in the deepest of her mind. She said to me something like :
“Abandonment is a scar, a wound so deep that you never heal, you will never heal, ever. So… when I’m into the turmoil of a break-up, I just watch how the pain invades me, how it burns inside my chest. I recognize it. I say “Hello, pain! Do your stuff, I know you”. It burns you, just feel it. There’s nothing you can do, little man, nothing”.
Four years therapy to understand this. This is Ninja!
Bonne journée !