Light a fire under my fantasy flaw : Words VS Action

This article was triggered by a friend in the USA, telling me that many men from other countries asked her to visit (all this linked to love and attraction, etc…), but… “Who takes a plane to visit ME?”.

I read many interviews of filmmakers, who love to write stories and scenarios, and like to work for days on the editing process, but these directors hate shooting because it’s a compromise of their script – or at least they find it boring and complicated. You’re surrounded by a huge team who spend their time to fix problems, right? With actors who are fragile, lost, or complicated. They know they HAVE TO do it, though.

I think I’m this kind of guy. This is a flaw, and this is bad. I tend to live in a fantasy world. I like ideas, books, and metaphors. I like to say “Let’s keep it a dance”, but I don’t propose real tango lessons. I fantasize about traveling but I don’t even have a passport! I’d love to visit Luca (Italy), Yalta (Ukraine), or Petaluma (California)… and I don’t even have a car.

I’m not a doer, I’m not a strong person, I’m a dreamer and we dreamers tend to overthink instead of moving our asses. I know it can be felt as a betrayal by action people…

I should light a fire under my ass (ohh these American idioms with the word “ass”) but I don’t and won’t. Somebody could light it for me, but that’s lazy to easy to say that, right? And if I don’t move it could hurtburn my bottom, poor me! Condemned to stand up for the rest of my life…

Nevertheless, I think that you could find a sidekick lover, a partner who likes your conversation and dreaming capacities (fair’s fair), who settles in, takes their place next to you, not to become an engine or a pusher, which would be exhausting, but who knows you well enough to guess when to trigger this lever they know about. A single well placed sentence and a dreamer can become a strong action happy man. Tadaaaa.

OK, too easy, and lazy, right? It was probably…

…a dream ūüôā

Have a nice day!

(Fair’s fair… I like this one!)

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Stalking Curses & Sisyphus’s like Loneliness : Chronicle 5

I already wrote a little article about this question : Why do people blog? Why do people post on Instagram? It was a long list of hypothesis, but at the end, I bet that people post to be loved. I read this week that the worse thing for depression is Instagram (because, as I guessed well, people often want to show to the world that they are “very happy, blessed by life and in love”, which makes the viewers jealous or at least a bit depressed because themselves are obviously NOT that happy, right?).

You click a hashtag, randomly, and you see billions of pictures. Why do people post on Instagram? The key word is “motivation”. Some take pictures and post them to :

  • Get followers
  • Share their work
  • Meet people with same interests
  • Indicate to others how happy and blessed they are
  • Show how interesting they are
  • Make people laugh
  • Show their “beauty”
  • Reveal beautiful places they visit
  • Indicate they are in couple, in love
  • Indicate they are sad, alone, or tired
  • Put a stalker in pain
  • Show their artistic talent
  • Show their project

Etc! One good question is :

When you post something somewhere, are you aware of your audience, or do you work only for yourself, your happiness?

I watched Paterson and I immediatly thought about another movie : Dead Zone : Christopher Walken is in coma for many years after a car accident. His wife remarry. Then he wakes up. His loneliness is then unbelievable (and the actor fantastic at it). It’s a world of ice. And he has a power to see the future…

Paterson (Adam Driver) is terrible alone too, but it’s VERY different. He has a beautiful young wife, a job (he’s a bus driver), some friends in a bar, and he writes poems. He’s quiet, modest in a modest life – he doesn’t talk much about his poems (though he continuously meets other people – a rapper, a little girl, a japanese man – interested in poetry). He writes in his bus, while he has lunch, in his basement. Nobody reads his poems. He sees struggling people around him (two young men lost with flirting, a colleague and his numerous family problems, a broken-hearted black man in the bar) and stays impassive and calm, benevolent. Idem with his girlfriend (who is a sweet dreamer, a dabbler artist). We all see he is not really connected, to anybody. He just goes on with his life, quietly putting words in his little booklet…

Walken and Driver are standing up. They are the loneliest characters I’ve seen ever (well, apart from Tennessee Williams’ plays). Both find something to do, though. They find their “mission”. The first one leads to drama (it’s from a Stephen King novel, after all). The second one is revealing a “way of being in the world” : being there without being very concerned (cf Inside Sidestepping) or affected. It talks about Sisyphus and about the Waldg√§nger, too…

It broke me heart, yesterday night, like a Chekhov or a Carver short story can do…

Slide, mortals, don’t bear down

 

Thanks for reading! Have a great week-end!

 

(I love this little dances of words too : Walken and Driver/Driver plays a bus driver/Paterson lives in Paterson, New Jersey/etc)

 

 

 

 

Seeking Approval as a source of energy?

Just google “seeking approval” to discover what you already know : this is baaad, and shame on you!

To be a normal adult shouldn’t be about doing things “just to get approved”, right? Nevertheless, some of us… do what they can.

Many Internet activities use this seek of approval motivation we all have in us, from the Facebook “likes” to the number-of-followers you are happy to have on Instagram, or on your blog.

OK, this is bad and childish and narcissistic, but it’s also incurable, deal with it! Therefore what can you do? Use it, and try to keep a little¬†dignity. Keep your seekness invisible, or you’ll look like a duck-face “love my selfie” chick…

Seeking approval can be a source of motivation. If you work well partly because of this need, good for you! Be guilty, but not too much. Voilà!

But…

What’s the best : a bunch of thoughtless empty “likes” from unknown people, or one smartcunning¬†criticism from an intelligent person you love?¬†

Thanks for reading! Follow my blog¬†ūüôā

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#Montessori misinterpretation mess

Nooo it’s not an article against Montessori education, which is great!

Here’s the core of it, copy/pasted from Wikipedia :

Montessori education is fundamentally a model of human development, and an educational approach based on that model. The model has two basic principles. First, children and developing adults engage in psychological self-construction by means of interaction with their environments. Second, children, especially under the age of six, have an innate path of psychological development. Based on her observations, Montessori believed that children who are at liberty to choose and act freely within an environment prepared according to her model would act spontaneously for optimal development.

It’s a very interesting approach, and one of the key word of it is AUTONOMY. Many parents interested by Montessori buy books to understand and use it at home, but some of them just heard about it, or read an half-page article, and they just clicked on two concepts¬†they adoooore :

  • My child (who is already “ahead of others”, of course) will be even better.
  • My child will be more autonomous, and… I will have peace.

This second point is the problem here. Autonomy is very important in this education, but not in the way “he is happy alone and I will have peace to do something else”!

It’s more : freedom to choose and activity and the rhythm, self-discipline (“I notice my mistakes”), experimenting, etc. There are… books about that!

Thanks for reading!

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“Biases to Pieces” – when life goes wrong, do something unusual – #change

When something goes wrong in our lives, we try to find solutions, we meet people or therapists, we try to entertain, we read, we think, we cry, et cetera.

There’s also this oblique tool : do something unusual.¬†Change something, hair, paths, house, habits, anything. Dare, and be a little more casual. Breathe a new air, open unusual windows. This is a beginning. It can work, or not. So what?

If you know how to wait, your “charge” will inflate¬†up until you’ll explode into a solution. This is where you will be able to¬†say afterwards : “I can’t even recognize my own soul”, which is another way to say “What did I do?”. So what??

Whatever! : change was urgent, and needed.

Tools :

Stay on you horse, let go the reins, and go faster. Let the horse choose.

Your need to be disturbed is there, and it’s HUGE. Try disturbing paths. Push unknown doors. Walk forward in unknown places and ways.

Do the contrary. Love the guy you don’t love. Choose the opposite. Say no to your yesses and yes to your nos. Try random. Be crazy. Quit. Don’t explain. Shut up and move. Search for your fears and attack them. Slam the door to reason’s face and listen to your guts. Find your wolf inside (or your dark parrot). Take your biases to pieces. Burn your bridges. Or not. Or for a moment. Step inside, step back, breathe back home. Push nugget-risks inside the grey. Find your explosives. Use them where you never did. Bam.

Merci ! Thanks for reading!

 

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Opposite Course/Wrong Foot – Another type of Self Help “Be Happy!” Books

Almost all of these “Self Help” books tell the same thing : be strong, wake up early, don’t look in the past, find new goals, move forward, be mindful, accept the reality, be happy, smile, be positive, have hope, succeed, quit toxic people, surround with good energy friends, build very high expectations and reach your goals, love yourself, you’re perfect…

L’injonction au bonheur / Injunction to be happy, mhh?

I noticed, though, that the most interesting books tells us something else :

  1. It’s always more complex
  2. You are not perfect and you will never be and the path is complicated
  3. The contrary of these “injunctions” is probably true too

Voil√†. It’s a game you can activate by yourself. Find the Opposite Course books. Or borrow the typical ones, and, just for fun, try to fight them.

  • Being weak is useful and slows you down from grey or wrong goals
  • Being positive “on demand” is just impossible because you have no cursor for that.
  • Quitting “toxic people” is not easy, and they are not as-toxic-as-that, it’s maybe a wrong opinion, and maybe they can help you in an oblique way.
  • If you expect too high you may just don’t reach it, and you’ll despair…
  • Etc.

Can you REALLY wake up and smile? Every single morning? Don’t you look like a freaky frog?

Allez! Have a nice splendid day!

 

 

 

The only thing you can count on, it’s the change

#change #changement #pattismith

 

 

 

How to #meditate ? Try the candle! #mindfulness #meditation

 

You read many books about meditation, about mindfulness. Perfect. You tried.

You understood, I hope, that nobody can “really” meditate. Even skilled masters. It’s a process. You just try. You climb, very slowly.

You understood that it’s just BORING, and that’s a part of it, right?

You understood that you can not and will not¬†stop your spirit. It “thinks”. It’s life, after all. Your brain is an engine, and you will never tame¬†it. OK.

This is a good path. Meditation is a process.

What you know now, it’s that in order to meditate you have to focus on something which is “there” but has¬†absolutely no importance.

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You can serve tea the Japanese way, you can stare at a mandala, you can speak a mantra in loop (I suggest “Tululu” – no, just joking), you can visualize the path of air going in your respiratory system. Inhale/Exhale. Good! You can even meditate when you watch the course of the clouds…

Something works perfectly : the candling candle.

A candle is great because it’s warm and beautiful, but mainly because it’s, at the same time, always the same thing (breathe/mantra) and at the same time, the flame is like going to you : “HEY, watch me!”. Like one finger calling you : “Focus, silly!”. It moves!

A flame is like a little firm and fair beast telling you constantly to be there. And it “means” nothing. It’s just there, with you.

You just have to follow her way of being in the world… Sshhh…

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day!


Feather moon
Scarlet sky
Living clouds
My blinded eye
Waters black
Wood in snow
Dead of night
How bright you glow[Chorus (4x):]
Breathe in breathe out
Exhale and inhale

Seven sins
God of stone
All is true
Down to the bone
Feather moon
Scarlet sky
I love you endlessly
Not knowing why

[Chorus (8x)]

Exhale and inhale…
Exhale and inhale…

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