2 Lists about Motivation

Motivation? Cool!

WHY do we do things? HOW do we motivate people (at school, at work)?

There are books about that, don’t worry. Today I give you two lists around the concept, extracted from a new French book.

ONE

In human sciences, psychology or even pedagogy, the concept of motivation is often ignored or despised. Because :

1. Denial : Motivation is a useless artificial concept invented to describe states one can’t explain.
2. Indifference : The idea of “something makes us act” is an evidence, but what could we do with that?
3. Resignation : Pessimistically – “you’re motivated or you’re not, that’s all”.
4. Incantation : Optimistically, but the same thing – we’re motivated by a mysterious “energy” which automatically push people into action.

I find so funny and great to list reasons why people are NOT motivated to study a concept like motivation!

And I wonder where we could use this list of “We don’t, because…”.

TWO

In another part of this Preface, I found a list of Old Big Systems (like Structuralism, Marxism, etc…) which, in the XXth Century, studied our concept.

Our citizen, our subject was studied these ways :

1. The Subject-Habitus, poor one, is alienated by his existence, his social class, his position in culture and economy, he is the propensity guy.
2. The Subject-Pulsion, the happy idiot, is the puppet of his complex unconscious subconscious.
3. The Subject-Response, a behaviorist, just reacts to stimulations from his environment, he is conditioned.
4. The Subject-Demiurge, a humanist tending to fulfill himself in his all-empowered freedoooommm.
5. The Subject-Arbitrator, the haecceitist, aware that all his life is a combination of changes and possibilities, whose plays with intentions, proposition, emotions, thinking, obligations and goals. He is the co-author of his own story.

We didn’t even talk about the Theory of Motivation in itself. Maybe later?

Thanks for reading!

Intervene in Groups

In two consecutive days, I learned things about groups. This coincidence puts me on alert (of course). Here’s the result :

ONE

Currently reading Dr Yalom’s autobiography. He tells how he began to work with groups, as a therapist. To train and to learn in University, he joined a 8 days group therapy, sat in a middle of a dozen other people. The psy came in and told the group something about they won’t talk about the past but “the now only” – which is obviously stupid – then she kept her mouth closed. Silence.

Yalom, also there as a watcher of course, saw it coming, a blossom, from silence, of different bursts. Each people had their own way to react, from “Fine!” to “Come on!” to silence, to “She know what she does…” to “You’re manipulating us!”. Then the therapist had like a whole bunch of little trees in front of her, which grew up all by themselves, from a single sentence. Then works with that.

TWO

I talked yesterday with someone who’s a member of an association of “out loud readers“. Of course it’s interesting! You want to know why, and what does one learn in a such place, etc.

He told me the coach was really great, because VERY directive. One person begins to read out loud in front of the assembly, until she squarely interrupts them, give them instructions to follow – beck and call. Most of the time, instructions given are surprising, though clearly made to disturb and break patterns : one plays as an actor, one is slow, or shy, one is grey neutral. Boring.

She orders to whisper, to walk while reading, to be mean or frightening, even if you read a French XIXth Century love novel.

THREE

See me coming? Yalom writes than one of the powers of the therapist comes from… he gives his attention to the patient. I love to think it’s the one secret of all this article. The coach, in a group, pays attention to you. That is a present, and a very powerful thing, in a world where nobody really pays attention.

It’s one of these things which shocks you when you grow up, when you realize that in society, at work, in family, in many circles or conversations :

Most people let you talk waiting for their turn to talk.

They don’t really care : they want their turn.

Thus the simple knack from Dale Carnegie : LISTEN to people. Listen to them really. Then you’ll get smart questions, then listen more.

 

What do you think about ONE and TWO styles of group leaders? Give a small seed then listen and use what you catch, or give strong instructions which will disturb or break patterns? Can this second style be used in therapies?

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

“I chose you for your weaknesses” – #Pina

Aurélie Dupont is a well known French ballet dancer who performed with the Paris Opera Ballet as an Étoile. She is now the director of dance for the Paris Opera Ballet.

 

In an interview she says that in one day, as she was working under the direction of Pina Bausch, the German choreographer told her :

“Okay, you’re a very tough woman, you’re a very tough dancer, but I’m sure you’re very sensitive, and that’s why I chose you, and I want you to show me this. Because your strength, your force—I don’t care. I want to see your heart.”

Aurélie shortened it for the magazine’s interview :

“Do you know why I chose you? For your weaknesses. This is what I want to see of you”.

Oh my, this is a good seed, right?

 

The main question is :

What is the balance, in Pina’s brain, between

1. I really want to see her weaknesses
2. I have to say this to her, as a coach, to crack her toughness as an ambitious dancer.

 

This leads to another set of questions :

What is this state, when you’re almost at the point “to discover yourself”? What do you need, then? Another person? An accident, something which stops you until you discover your last step? A sentence you read somewhere, or hear? A friend? A surprise?

When you’re tough, hard with yourself, with the goal to be flawless, why do you always meet a point where you realize it’s a wrong way up?

Why do I always go back to this pattern, which is : when you’re stuck, your next path is maybe to find and develop ANOTHER FACET of you, which is often the contrary of you?

 

Mme Dupont was tough and very good. But Pina revealed something to her : you’re great, but now show us that you’re weak too, that you have a heart under your perfection.

 

Thanks for reading!

Instagram : __bodylanguage__

 

 

 

Your Field : Topology & Radars

What’s your field? You’re a CEO? A poet? A photographer? A blogger? A cook? What do you do, what do you explore, what is your field, your… territory?

You probably like to “Think about your art”, where things are not that obvious. A map is not the territory, but it helps you : “A model is a lie that helps you see the truth”. Why would you study your own field? Make progress? Extend your possibilities? Detect dangers or mistakes? You feel stuck? Going too fast? Other reasons?

Do you think about your art when you’re working on it, or after? Alone or with another person? What happens?

You can also read :

• think-about-your-art-or-how-to-kill-your-i-know-my-job-pinned-mindsets/
• a-model-is-a-lie-that-helps-you-see-the-truth-h-skipper/

When you work, what radars should you use? What model? Do you draw? Do you imagine? In fact, it’s a good opportunity to use topologic or other fields vocabulary, and tools…

• If you dig, what is a lode? How do you find it? What do you do with it?
• What if you were stuck in the narrow neck of an hourglass? What does that mean? Do you have to wait? To push?
• If you find grains and rocks, are there a pain, a chance, a luck?
• What could be a compass, in your field? A magnifying glass?

Other ideas of tools to use to study your own activity?

Take these jobs : clockmaker, a topology specialist, a miner, a gold digger, an entomologist. List their tools, their concepts. Then apply on your field. How do they use it? What happens? A nugget? A change? A new map? Vectors? Paths?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

The power of questions & the strength of possibilities

The power of questions is the power of intriguing you.

Some questions don’t even need answers, but have the power to move your brain, to make it invent. Invent concepts, ways, doors, solutions, views…

Questions are events (because where you live, there is no florescence of questions). Questions are interesting, they can also be disturbing, or funny.

You can make the decision to let yourself be driven, or be pushed around by the power of questions.

Questions trigger movements in your brain, movements of dance, of dodging, or even swerving. Smile!

Questions secrete glowing happy interesting fog-patches of possibilities around you.

Maybe questions can meet… your own questions. Maybe they help you to ask some more questions to your partner, or… to yourself : to be surprised, to discover the strength of possibilities.

Sorry, I’m French, and if my quirky English tickles you, my bad.

Tool : Invention. Events. Decisions. Movements. Possibilities. Questions are powerful. Ask, or be asked? Both! Dolphins are fast and elegant, they seek this dance.

Merci !

Arthur Rimbaud & Glenn Gould : The “Big Less” Temptation

Rimbaud was a French poet who had a huge influence on Arts and Literature, but stopped writing at 21. He became a merchant, mostly in Africa (in coffee trading, for example!), and died at 37.

Gould was a Canadian pianist who stopped giving concerts at the age of 31 and became an eccentric hermit in recording studios.

Different destinies, but a similar pattern : at one moment, they stopped completely something they succeeding in, they closed a door.

Rimbaud stopped writing. Many wondered why : The artist had said everything? He wanted to explore another face of his personality? He had a secret wound? Dead wordsourcespring?
Gould didn’t stop making music, but never came back playing in concert, and he explained himself about that.

I write this because I wonder if sometimes we should consider a similar flip. A combination of levers & dials, studying what’s good in our life, considering that insisting (even in different ways) could be, from now, a failure : it’s maybe time for a closure?…

 

The Big Less is about considering to close a part of you which… works. Why would you do that, like “I park it”? Why would you stop what works? You feel you miss something? It’s too easy? You reached a plateau? I works but the wrong way? You lost a goal? You need to experiment to enrich? Fresh air? You need to get smaller to go faster? A fresh start to go elsewhere? You’re afraid of some ticking-over routine? Is it a bad idea? Why?

And who knows what will happen after some years? Maybe you’ll realize you needed the big disturbance of it? Maybe a bigger room will open? A secret path will appear? Maybe you’ll make good Bach records, or trade coffee?

Have a nice day!

Ears & Belly Button : The Roots of STRESS

You are stressed, that’s awful, because of your job, your family, your manager, something you read, anything. Stress! Help!

One day you are so stressed out that you begin to search the entrance. I mean… If you are stressed, the stress probably enters, penetrates, comes INTO you, right?

By the ears? Nope. Your belly button, maybe? Nahhhh!…

How does it work?

Well… It works. Until you realize :

YOU make stress. Your own BRAIN builds, makes, produces, manufactures stress.

Bummer and crap!

Happily, the day you understand that you become a Master Zen.

A stressful phrase, guy, situtation or event appears in front of you, and, how magic! : you don’t secrete stress, you just DON’T.

(well, you can stress if the werewolf is chasing you in the night, Okey)

You could swallow this little quote from Krishnamurti, then :

OBSERVE WITHOUT ANY CONCLUSION

This is a good secret.

Things appears, shit happens (or hits the fan, as you say, I like this joyful idiom), people around you are NOT steady, they are alive and surprising. Watch, don’t stress, be calm, dance. Amor Fati!

Thanks for reading!

PS : You know what a werewolf is, right? So, as a French ESL, can I invent other “weres”? Like a weresheep or a wereswan, a weregrasshopper or a wereguineapig?

“What are amulets?” – Don’t expect salvation from an external principle

What are talimans, amulets? Don’t expect salvation from an external principle

This intriguing assertion comes from Friedrich Georg Jünger, Ernst Jünger’s brother. It’s like a warning against a useless tool.

And apart from medical issues maybe, I like to keep it in mind. If you want to stop smoking for example, you can use patches or pills or therapy or whatever, but the solution comes from you : discipline. The rest is nothing. You’re in charge. Take care.

Thanks for reading!

Instagram : tombeeducamion

“Biases to Pieces” – when life goes wrong, do something unusual – #change

When something goes wrong in our lives, we try to find solutions, we meet people or therapists, we try to entertain, we read, we think, we cry, et cetera.

There’s also this oblique tool : do something unusual. Change something, hair, paths, house, habits, anything. Dare, and be a little more casual. Breathe a new air, open unusual windows. This is a beginning. It can work, or not. So what?

If you know how to wait, your “charge” will inflate up until you’ll explode into a solution. This is where you will be able to say afterwards : “I can’t even recognize my own soul”, which is another way to say “What did I do?”. So what??

Whatever! : change was urgent, and needed.

Tools :

Stay on you horse, let go the reins, and go faster. Let the horse choose.

Your need to be disturbed is there, and it’s HUGE. Try disturbing paths. Push unknown doors. Walk forward in unknown places and ways.

Do the contrary. Love the guy you don’t love. Choose the opposite. Say no to your yesses and yes to your nos. Try random. Be crazy. Quit. Don’t explain. Shut up and move. Search for your fears and attack them. Slam the door to reason’s face and listen to your guts. Find your wolf inside (or your dark parrot). Take your biases to pieces. Burn your bridges. Or not. Or for a moment. Step inside, step back, breathe back home. Push nugget-risks inside the grey. Find your explosives. Use them where you never did. Bam.

Merci ! Thanks for reading!

 

Instagram : thejohnnysmith

Opposite Course/Wrong Foot – Another type of Self Help “Be Happy!” Books

Almost all of these “Self Help” books tell the same thing : be strong, wake up early, don’t look in the past, find new goals, move forward, be mindful, accept the reality, be happy, smile, be positive, have hope, succeed, quit toxic people, surround with good energy friends, build very high expectations and reach your goals, love yourself, you’re perfect…

L’injonction au bonheur / Injunction to be happy, mhh?

I noticed, though, that the most interesting books tells us something else :

1. It’s always more complex
2. You are not perfect and you will never be and the path is complicated
3. The contrary of these “injunctions” is probably true too

Voilà. It’s a game you can activate by yourself. Find the Opposite Course books. Or borrow the typical ones, and, just for fun, try to fight them.

• Being weak is useful and slows you down from grey or wrong goals
• Being positive “on demand” is just impossible because you have no cursor for that.
• Quitting “toxic people” is not easy, and they are not as-toxic-as-that, it’s maybe a wrong opinion, and maybe they can help you in an oblique way.
• If you expect too high you may just don’t reach it, and you’ll despair…
• Etc.

Can you REALLY wake up and smile? Every single morning? Don’t you look like a freaky frog?

Allez! Have a nice splendid day!

 

 

 

The only thing you can count on, it’s the change

 

 

 

Ask your closest friend : “What do I do wrong?” – #friendship #goals #coaching

It’s just a tool and the title says everything :

Ask your closest friend : “What do I do wrong?”

Maybe you have a clue and you want to ask him or her (now I say her) about a problem you have. You both know you have to talk. Prepare a tea, free up an afternoon, and you go girls!

This idea is different, it’s more like : you just want to watch your best friend in the eyes and ask for truth. It’s different and it’s rare. “I ask you to tell me : in your opinion, what do I do wrong?”.

YES it’s asking for “friend-coaching”, and why not?

You have to be aware, both of you. This could lead to dangerous paths, or… uncomfortable discoveries! Set the rules, chillbreathe and let’s go. You are both smart. I know that.

It’s a variation of this article : When you friends are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure. But it’s not for fun, or to teach, or to wander delightfully in the Kingdom of Ideas. It’s about you. Your friend knows your soil and your inner axles. Listen to her, carefully!

Hug, then.

Merci et bonne journée!

Art by Jessica Hess

 

Is it OK to be a #Muse ? Part II #Inspiration

I tried one day to write about the idea of a muse. It was hard so I just asked questions. Today I will play it further.

In history, the idea of the muse is a bit too much “charged”. A muse is a woman who “inspires” a male artist, right?

I’m not talking about this at all. I dance here with the adult concept of the Muse (and I add a capital to the word), the tool, the pattern if you want. Call it SuperMuse (oh I like this word!) or HyperFriend if you want. Here are a few tracks :

• What do you do as a Muse? You disturb, you ask, you laugh, you listen carefully, you fight, you understand, you don’t understand, you give seeds, you play, you offer, you smile, you sparkle, you inspire, you surprise, you disagree, you push, you coach, you disappear, you help, you think, you give birth, you take care, you are present…
• It’s a fulltime or a “sometime” process. You can be a Muse for 5 minutes a month.
• To be a Muse is a decision. A smiling one. It’s a friendship most of the time.
• To be Muse is often to be a Double Muse, a vice-versa game : you are a Muse to each other.
• To be a Muse is a part time job. You need to be alone, and in your own life sometimes. Good. You plug as a Muse when you want it.
• To be a Muse is important in both ways. You give your Muse part because it’s a matter of generosity. You welcome it with gratitude, because you know the other works and thinks of you as a Muse. It’s a role, yes.
• A Muse is also a part of disruption, disturbance. Our need to be disturbed is (sometimes) real. Sometimes we ask for it. Sometimes we don’t even know it.
• The Muse thing is a joy, and a bond. Sparkling seeds is a happiness.
• A Muse sometimes doesn’t know what to do. There’s an easiness in being a Muse. You have the right to be fragile, too.
• You can apply and use it and ask for it on little areas of your life. On love, on art, on writing, on job, movies, pictures, inventing : anything.
• You can be explicit if you know a friend of yours who can be a Muse : “I need you for my novel”, or “I think you need me for your management issues, am I right?”.
• You will maybe have to define rules about the rich “Double Muse Activity”.
• A Muse can be a muse without any knowledge of being a muse. As a fan, you can use “the existence of the artist you love” as inspiration. After a bereavement (oh a new word for me!), you can work for the memory of someone, or using the “what if he/she was here?” tool).
• I really think we can incarnate as a Mood Muse. Some people can (and know they can) bring you something : a calm, a happiness, a security, an energy, a focus, an accuracy, a way of being ignorant. Your best friend can do that. Your parents too. Yes they do.

What do think about having a Muse, about being one?

 

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Today I reached my 50th follower on WordPress, thank you for reading!

 

Instagram : pavel_fedoseyev

“More of the Same Thing”, when insisting is a failure #Watzlawick #Change

More of the same thing is what I call a “wrong tool”. It means : INSIST. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s stupid. Push push and push in a dead end. Seems easy, but we all do the same mistake.

The pattern is simple :

You have a problem. You think you have the solution. You act. It fails. So you think you have to insist, push, go stronger, “more of the same thing”. you fail.

The problem is “you think into the box”, and you are SURE you have the solution, and that if you insist enough, you will get it. And it’s wrong!

It’s an old classic, told by Palo Alto therapy searchers and Paul Watzlawick. If you want to save your couple, if you want to help someone, if you want to flirt, if you want to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk : STOP. The solution? It’s at the end of this article!

The book? Paul Watzlawick : Change. Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution.

The author gives an example (which I translated rapidly) :

A teacher in a class has a single kid “with problems”. She asks to meet the parents and learns that he has huge issues, comes from a broken family and is very lonely all the time. So she tries her best to take care of him and give the boy much more interest; but the solution is worse : his notes crash, he is more alone. She insists and it goes into a dead end. The therapist says that “the more of the same thing” she does, the worse it’ll go (what she does isolates the boy from the other kids, for example). She’s asked to ignore him. Only to compliment him if the notes are good. And it worked!

If a wife asks her husband to talk more to her, spontaneously, about his days or thoughts, he will tell little things as an effort, but he will feel more and more closed, which will… make the wife to be more focused on him, waiting, and “more of the same thing”, arguing continuously about why he doesn’t talk to her enough, which will embarrass him more and more, etc.

Chögyam Trungpa, who was a Buddhist Meditation Master, says that if someone answer “No” when you want to talk with him, you just have to disappear. If you don’t, if you insist, you just transform yourself into a nagging (oh, a new word!) Demon. He’s so right!

Of course you know the story of the bunch of guys flirting everyday with the beautiful lady in a bar, with no success. Only one guy understands the problem (“More of the same thing”). He just sits in the bar, no interest, showing his back to her. And paying her the most neutral way every night. And guess what? He become the only one who gets her interest…

The tool is also a dial :

It’s hard to detect when you insist “more of the same thing” stupidly, because you are SURE you’re about to succeed. Don’t be a demon. And think out of the box. Buy the book, by the way, it’s very good.

Thanks for reading!