Abandonment is a wound you’ll never heal up of

Wound you’ll never heal up of

heal up of? Really? We French have problems with these suffixes, you know? We don’t have these. So… I hope you understand my wobblenglish!

I have a friend – she’s 10 years older than me.

She told me one day she had to see a therapist. Because after a break-up, she was… destroyed inside, devastated for months, for years!

She needed FOUR years of therapy to understand this :

There is NO WAY you can be healed of this “abandonment syndrome”.

Then she told me that when she was confronted with this horrible pain, she just learned to recognize it, and like “talking to the pain” :

“Welcome, you silly devil! Do your stuff, will you? Hurt me. Tear me up. Watch me cry. It’s your job. I don’t care”.

Of course, she cared, in an “as if” pridy mood, like a cow-boy in Arizona “watching the sea”… but she’s aware, now. Maybe it’s the secret : to be aware of her own disastrous pain…

Mind specialists are very found of these theories, as you know. They say you’re devastated “because it resonates with your childhood”, right? Abandonic people, as they say. “You’ll make it, you see”. Acceptance of the pain…

Well. OK. But isn’t it too easy?

Maybe my friend was wounded to the deepest and destroyed inside, not “because she felt like abandoned-by-her-mother as a baby”, but maybe because it’s just terrible to be left by a person you loved, that gave you this feeling of being special, of being alive, and who then changed his mind. Because it’s awful to be rejected like that. Because it’s very strange to see your own brain drowning in “this” loneliness when you lose your sidekick, your soulmate, the man you wanted to marry, the guy who danced with your mind. Because it’s weird to see your life broken, thrown to the ground like dustshit, then being treated with contempt…

Well, etc, right? Everybody’s been there. You don’t count (mean?) anymore. You can park. You can record the big desert you have in you now. You can agree will all theories who say you don’t “need” someone else to be happy. Yeah yeah yeah! You’re just hurt, and alone. Talk to your pain :

“Welcome, you silly devil! Do your stuff, will you? Hurt me. Tear me up. Watch me cry. It’s your job. I don’t care”.

Close your eyes. You’ll never, ever heal. Grab these simple theories (or not). But acceptance is the way. “Shattered by experience and memory”…

 

Thanks for reading!

 

1482083130398745407_4066914012.jpg

My Secret for Abandonment Syndrome

Abandonment issues are so common that I wonder why it’s not studied at school !

Well, you know it by heart : “I constantly feel frightened that people I love will leave me”.

And well… they do!

Lovers or friends, they leave you. Their choice!

That’s life, but you’re destroyed, angry, and in panic. At some point, it’s almost ridiculous, right?

Lise Bourbeau wrote a book about this wound and other wounds from childhood. She says that abandonnic people (“les abandonniques”, this is the way we call this tribe in France) protect themselves with any kind of dependency (addictions, difficulties to be alone, need of approval, etc).

You already know what is abandonment (or else Google will help you). What I want to share today is a secret a good friend of mine (she’s 60) told me one day.

She said to me that after each break-up she was so dying sick that she decided one day to see a therapist.

After a year she said to him that she was OK. He smiled and answered “No you’re not!”.

She needed three more years to get it, to understand the secret in the deepest of her mind. She said to me something like :

“Abandonment is a scar, a wound so deep that you never heal, you will never heal, ever. So… when I’m into the turmoil of a break-up, I just watch how the pain invades me, how it burns inside my chest. I recognize it. I say “Hello, pain! Do your stuff, I know you”. It burns you, just feel it. There’s nothing you can do, little man, nothing”.

Four years therapy to understand this. This is Ninja!

Bonne journée !

1364618481840341723_1204809845.jpg