Le Semblant d’Acceptation – I say yes all the time & I have a mind of my own

ONE

When you interact with people, you have to deal with three levels :

  1. What you think
  2. What you say
  3. What you do

There’s a struggle, though, between your angelic wish & will to respect people, and the good old “reality principle” : you have to drive your own life, even if you’re surrounded by stupidity, unsteady manners and paradoxical injunctions.

A good example : Rules. Of course, you have to obey rules, including the law of your country. But what do you do with stupid rules, invented by a stupid manager in an office cut from reality, yesterday or a long time ago? Say yes and nod. Inner Facepalm. Then do your stuff.

 

It’s the same when someone lies to you :

  1. You know it.
  2. You speak “as if” you’re unaware of it.
  3. You do what you just need to do. Just say “yes”, before.

 

Of course, you can fight stupidity, OMG : I let you begin, OK? Please do it. Stop war, too, while you’re at it…

 

TWO

There are quotes (mostly about relationships, right?) about words and actions. For example :

“Words are nothing. Actions are everything. Don’t tell me. Show me.”

Ahhhh we like that, right?

Fine! Thustherefore :

  1. What I think I keep for myself
  2. What I say is what the other one wants to hear
  3. What I do is what I want to do

 

THREE

Hmmm I know, there are consequences : people will say you have a mind of your own. Maybe that you’re a two-faced hypocrite, a free electron, a specialist of AS (Acceptation Semblance). Well : so be it!

“Words are nothing. Actions are everything. Don’t tell me. Show me.”

Voilà!

 

 

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The French “Qu’est-ce que tu deviens ?” is our way to ask “What have you been up to?”…

When you meet a friend, you can say “What’s up?”.

It’s clear and simple for a French, with the fascination we have for English’s conciseness : what is “up”, after all? 🙂

I think there’s a slightly different color in “What’s up with you?”, saying “What have you been up to?”, which is “How have you been busy these days?”. I’m good?

Well, we say in this case “What’s new?” : Quoi de neuf ?

After a long-time no-see, we often say : “Qu’est-ce que tu deviens ?“, which means “Who do you become?”, or “What are you turning into?“.

Yessss you see me coming, there’s a cultural difference here showing on the surface :

USA asks “What have you been up to?”, France asks “What are you turning into?”. One friend is asking about your actions, the other one is asking about your inner transformation. Isn’t it revealing? I don’t know, it makes me think, in any case…

 

Thanks for reading!

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Working with what you have… today

When I was 25 I complained to a friend of mine who was 40, a painter. I was composing music slowly and in a bitter way because I was missing instruments, equipment, etc. I had a Macintosh, a mic, a synth, a reverb and a flute.

In art or life, sometimes we feel stuck, therefore we don’t do anything, because we “miss something”, we don’t have enough of this or that : we just wait, bored like a lonely koala in the taiga.

So we just “watch a goal”, a state or a line where, at last, we will be able to begin.

THEN we will have enough time, enough money, enough energy to do it!

I will… paint, compose, be happy, invent, write, blog, learn, the day I will have this or that, blah blah blah…

This is procrastination, laziness & threnody. Sometimes it’s useful to wait, though…

My friend told me I was silly, and, as a painter, that if she only had a pen and paper she would work. “Do something with your flute and your keyboard, instead of complaining, silly!”.

Okey. Watch around. Pick up a tool. Begin. To begin : begin, as they say. Now. That’s true!

…unless you don’t work for another reason, using this syndrome to do nothing. Rhoooo this is baaaad!

Bonne journée!

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What should I do? / What would you do in my place?

There are some moments in life where you really need to “stop and think”. Armies of difficulties or huge boredom, impossible choices or stupid auto-illusions : you need help, obviously!

You can ask your best friend or a specialist, your sister or anyone :

What should I do?

This is a good question, and you’ll probably listen carefully…

But there’s another way to ask, which is :

What would you do if you were in my place?

And this is a totally different question. You should, then, listen closer. Your partner will maybe ask… “Really?”. Then the answer won’t be the same…

You can ask the two questions in a row, asking for both.

Then you can follow, or not, but the second question requires your attention : your interlocutor will probably watch your next steps. It’s a question of trust, an intimate process.

Thanks for reading!

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Overthinking Ways

The memory is cursed with what hasn’t happened, says Marguerite Duras, and that’s a good example of overthinking. In fact, it’s the seed of a whole tree!

What are ways of overthinking? What are the subjects? The past (what it’s been, what it could have been). The future(s). About what you did or will do (or say). And I’ll stop it here : you perfectly know your ways of overthinking!

What are the ways OUT of this curse (which it is, right?). Most books show these paths :

  1. Mindfulness
  2. Dare and do something

Voilà! You just saved a bunch of money! Put these books back in the shelves!

1 Mindfulness is a way to focus on the now (let the past sleep/just enable the future) – well, you can try!

2 Acting-Doing has many good effects, from “keeping you busy” to “stop thinking a bit”, by way of “changing what I can”… instead of thinking about it.

Tool :

Of course you can use another path, which could be “smart overthinking”, taking a wheel (if you find it) to drive it somewhere else, to tame it, to use it, to link it with others – or with books (which is the same), to divide it up like a sheaf, to make it a dance, to fight it, to… What about you?

You go girl! Merci et bonne route! Thanks for reading.

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