Jim Harrison says somewhere that with the years our “wallet of enthusiasms” becomes thinner.
Well, this speaks to everyone, right? From a truckload to a wheelbarrow (“une brouette”), then to a small briefcase, to a wallet, that’s it. At 50 you don’t jump around screaming in joy about whatever new comes to you, like at 20!
“The moment when things you do become absurd” is probably something I should wonder about more. A kind of “inverse epiphany”, the sudden WTF moment…
There’s this moment when you watch in an awe the others keeping being happy and goat-jumping at anything new. Are you becoming just grey?
So I just learned about Anhedonia, reduced motivation or ability to experience pleasure, and I think it’s about it.
There’s the good old temptation of getting “stoned”, or to being “entertained” until death, Netflix like, or trying weed or booze, or worse : become workaholically busy like a running headless chicken. Put a lit on enlarging boredom…
You can also FOCUS on your little wallet. Think about it : what makes you enthusiastic, the “like a kid” state? Art exploration? Creativity? Writing (about what?)?
Could one find a new thin paper, in their wallet? One activity you never tried?
Of course I feel this! Therefore what?
What puts me in the “happy child” state? I thought about it and found two things :
- Taking pictures, walking outside the-nose-in-the-wind.
- Exploring geniuses (I’m with Fellini and Schubert these days).
Someone told me recently (he’s a bit older than me) that he for now focuses on geniuses only. What would be YOUR list of geniuses?
Proust, Welles, Picasso?
These days I’m with two geniuses. Fellini for cinema, and Schubert for music. Both need organization and efforts.
- Fellini comes from realism to crazy surreal monster films. It’s complex, evolving, multi-layered, a whole exploration is needed to understand : films, bonuses, interviews, biography and many books. At THIS level on invention, it becomes almost toxic. It haunts you (like when you explore Proust, Mahler’s music or Manet’s paintings). And it’s so much fun too!
- Schubert is complicated : he died young, but composed many many musics, chamber music, piano and 9 symphonies! As usual, for a composer you don’t know, you have to listen to many things almost randomly – to discover if you’ll like it, to sponge it into your head. I bought books, a huge biography, and found my entry : the Great Symphony, his last, which obsesses me so much that I listen to different versions all day long. They I read pages of classical music fan forum (in French : http://classik.forumactif.com), smiling at all the passion people put into this…
Anhedonia’s here, but I fight, and it works! If you see me mimicking an orchestra director in front of my Macintosh : I’m good.
What’s next? What about you ?
A field you don’t know, and you’ll explore it. What is it? A language? A painter? A country? An author? Who?
Thanks for reading!