Arthur Rimbaud & Glenn Gould : The “Big Less” Temptation

Rimbaud was a French poet who had a huge influence on Arts and Literature, but stopped writing at 21. He became a merchant, mostly in Africa (in coffee trading, for example!), and died at 37.

Gould was a Canadian pianist who stopped giving concerts at the age of 31 and became an eccentric hermit in recording studios.

Different destinies, but a similar pattern : at one moment, they stopped completely something they succeeding in, they closed a door.

Rimbaud stopped writing. Many wondered why : The artist had said everything? He wanted to explore another face of his personality? He had a secret wound? Dead wordsourcespring?
Gould didn’t stop making music, but never came back playing in concert, and he explained himself about that.

I write this because I wonder if sometimes we should consider a similar flip. A combination of levers & dials, studying what’s good in our life, considering that insisting (even in different ways) could be, from now, a failure : it’s maybe time for a closure?…

 

The Big Less is about considering to close a part of you which… works. Why would you do that, like “I park it”? Why would you stop what works? You feel you miss something? It’s too easy? You reached a plateau? I works but the wrong way? You lost a goal? You need to experiment to enrich? Fresh air? You need to get smaller to go faster? A fresh start to go elsewhere? You’re afraid of some ticking-over routine? Is it a bad idea? Why?

And who knows what will happen after some years? Maybe you’ll realize you needed the big disturbance of it? Maybe a bigger room will open? A secret path will appear? Maybe you’ll make good Bach records, or trade coffee?

Have a nice day!

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Ears & Belly Button : The Roots of STRESS

You are stressed, that’s awful, because of your job, your family, your manager, something you read, anything. Stress! Help!

One day you are so stressed out that you begin to search the entrance. I mean… If you are stressed, the stress probably enters, penetrates, comes INTO you, right?

By the ears? Nope. Your belly button, maybe? Nahhhh!…

How does it work?

Well… It works. Until you realize :

YOU make stress. Your own BRAIN builds, makes, produces, manufactures stress.

Bummer and crap!

Happily, the day you understand that you become a Master Zen.

A stressful phrase, guy, situtation or event appears in front of you, and, how magic! : you don’t secrete stress, you just DON’T.

(well, you can stress if the werewolf is chasing you in the night, Okey)

You could swallow this little quote from Krishnamurti, then :

OBSERVE WITHOUT ANY CONCLUSION

This is a good secret.

Things appears, shit happens (or hits the fan, as you say, I like this joyful idiom), people around you are NOT steady, they are alive and surprising. Watch, don’t stress, be calm, dance. Amor Fati!

Thanks for reading!

PS : You know what a werewolf is, right? So, as a French ESL, can I invent other “weres”? Like a weresheep or a wereswan, a weregrasshopper or a wereguineapig?

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What should I do? / What would you do in my place?

There are some moments in life where you really need to “stop and think”. Armies of difficulties or huge boredom, impossible choices or stupid auto-illusions : you need help, obviously!

You can ask your best friend or a specialist, your sister or anyone :

What should I do?

This is a good question, and you’ll probably listen carefully…

But there’s another way to ask, which is :

What would you do if you were in my place?

And this is a totally different question. You should, then, listen closer. Your partner will maybe ask… “Really?”. Then the answer won’t be the same…

You can ask the two questions in a row, asking for both.

Then you can follow, or not, but the second question requires your attention : your interlocutor will probably watch your next steps. It’s a question of trust, an intimate process.

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : thepoby

 

The Disillusion of Level 2

In my life I met many times the Disillusion of Level 2. You just have to listen to people’s stories.

We all know this process, especially when we are young :

  1. You desire something strongly (a job, a love, a change, a project)
  2. You act to achieve this goal
  3. You fail, you are disillusioned, disenchanted, disappointed
  4. You rethink, invent new goals, with more confidence, you do the contrary, you take another path which, at least, will be the good one!
  5. You act to achieve this goal
  6. You fail, you are disillusioned, disenchanted, disappointed

Yes, it’s like a loop!

This triggers a few questions :

  • Do we always expect too much all the time?
  • Isn’t “expecting disillusion” a way to be lazy?
  • Is there a way of drawing a “good map”?
  • What do you do when you see a friend about to be on this path?
  • Where is the Level 3?
  • What’s the knowledge we gain after these?
  • Is it about daring more? Being more casual? Expect nothing?
  • Or is it about stopping?
  • What is the “need of change”?
  • Who is wise, and why?

Now apply that to any concept of life you know : love, job, hobby, politics, arts, goals, etc. What do you find? What are the stories you know? What do you think?

Merci ! Bonne journée !

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Instagram : bodylanguage

Unconditional Friendship

“Unconditional love” is a beautiful romantic story, and the idea of marriage will fascinate me forever. I am casual for so many things… I do think that some commitments need some solemnity, though.

There’s unconditional love in other places : a mother and a child, for example.

In this little text I imagine an unconditional friendship. In a life, it’s possible to meet a person so important, as a friend, that you could imagine something like a high range commitment, a bond, something so strong that it gives each other a strength – yes, it’s like a spouse who you know is here standing next to you, whatever happens.

Your believes differ? You take a big decision? You fight around ideas? Good! You can fix everything, and you will, because you know that you both dance with this strong and respectful “engagement” – you just invent it everyday, with absolute freedom, and no cage ever, inner or real.

Thanks for reading!

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Overthinking Ways

The memory is cursed with what hasn’t happened, says Marguerite Duras, and that’s a good example of overthinking. In fact, it’s the seed of a whole tree!

What are ways of overthinking? What are the subjects? The past (what it’s been, what it could have been). The future(s). About what you did or will do (or say). And I’ll stop it here : you perfectly know your ways of overthinking!

What are the ways OUT of this curse (which it is, right?). Most books show these paths :

  1. Mindfulness
  2. Dare and do something

Voilà! You just saved a bunch of money! Put these books back in the shelves!

1 Mindfulness is a way to focus on the now (let the past sleep/just enable the future) – well, you can try!

2 Acting-Doing has many good effects, from “keeping you busy” to “stop thinking a bit”, by way of “changing what I can”… instead of thinking about it.

Tool :

Of course you can use another path, which could be “smart overthinking”, taking a wheel (if you find it) to drive it somewhere else, to tame it, to use it, to link it with others – or with books (which is the same), to divide it up like a sheaf, to make it a dance, to fight it, to… What about you?

You go girl! Merci et bonne route! Thanks for reading.

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When to NOT pay attention is an Art for decision making

Alain, a French philosopher, says that to pay attention is an noble art, and that to NOT pay attention is a royal art. What does that mean?

All our senses swallow the world around us, continuously. We are besieged! We try to make decisions with an army of thoughts. But the man who slept, says Alain, awakes as a new man, and is ready to decide in a second.

Daniel Kahneman asks himself in his book “Thinking, Fast and Slow” : How works intuition? What is fast or slow when we have to decide something? Do we have to be rational all the time?

Nassim Nicholas Taleb wrote a few books which can enrich that research. Again it’s about decision making. What is luck, and how to use it? How to adapt? What is the “illusion of control”? What if you decide things in half a second, and how could it be the best choice?

This article is just a way of adding a few bricks to this pattern, this “dial” I exposed in this blog : the dance or weaving with opposite forces, the need to consider what could seem illogical (even the “if you hesitate between two things, choose both”), the oblique way of decision making, to use the propensity of things, or to be a more complete person when you use your both sides. Even casually, yes.

The champion golf player, does he analyse and measure things like a computer, or does he simply become empty, ready, and hit? Where is the Royal Art of suddenly not paying attention?

Thanks for reading!

#vessel #architecture #architecturelovers #lines

 

#wittgenstein

«the solution of the problem you see in life is a way of living which makes what is problematic disappear»

“La solution du problème que tu vois dans la vie, c’est une manière de vivre qui fasse disparaître le problème”

Wittgenstein

from Instagram: http://ift.tt/2lWTd9o

The Splendid Paradox of #Divorce

I never married, and I will never understand the idea of divorce, it’s like a loop in my head. Why would you ever consider to divorce… since you are married??! Isn’t marriage a commitment? Then, well, it’s exactly it : when you meet a problem, some difficulties, betrayal, whatever, you’re supposed to work on it, right? Because, well, you’re MARRIED! So yes, I realize that I’m much more solemn than I should be. Or not : I never married, after all. Voilà!

Tool : what is a commitment? As it IS a commitment, what can it bring to you? What if you feel prisoner, in a cage? What if a commitment was REALLY a commitment, which means that you can’t even have the possibility to consider there’s a way to change or cut it? Can this happen in friendship, like the “Best Friends Forever” you hear in teens’ mouths? What if it was a real commitment?

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Instagram : ___bodylanguage___

“What are amulets?” – Don’t expect salvation from an external principle

What are talimans, amulets? Don’t expect salvation from an external principle

This intriguing assertion comes from Friedrich Georg Jünger, Ernst Jünger’s brother. It’s like a warning against a useless tool.

And apart from medical issues maybe, I like to keep it in mind. If you want to stop smoking for example, you can use patches or pills or therapy or whatever, but the solution comes from you : discipline. The rest is nothing. You’re in charge. Take care.

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : tombeeducamion

When you friends are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure #INTJ

There are as many types of friendship as friends in the world. You party together, or you are a group of friends, a tribe, you are venting friends, or friends with a political cause, etc…

When you’re both thinkers and talkers, your playground is made of concepts, ideas, directions and possibilities, etc. Bonjour INTJ s !

After this world of words you have the possibility to make them real and work for good, or not – because the world of ideas is a treasure island, of course (and you feel comfortable home, right?). If you don’t USE the ideas now, they can feed you for days, months or years. Later. Plus tard. Mais oui !

Tool :

Sometimes so are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure. Just for the fun of it, just for the bliss of energy, fighting, breaking mindsets, happy disturbance.

I know a teacher who did this with his best friends in front of adult students, just to make the class more interesting!

You can do that with your friend, a colleague, a spouse, anybody who’s clever enough to play.

You need of course to both KNOW that it’s a game. And you have to watch closely to what happens within the flow : sometimes it could happen that you really hurt your friends. We have all some nerves which shouldn’t be touched. Your friend know them, but not necessarily all of them, right?

Most of the time, it will work, though. It’s delightful, and rare. Your bond is stronger each time. And if you had an audience, good to them, thumbs up and all.

Peace! Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : vitolx

“More of the Same Thing”, when insisting is a failure #Watzlawick #Change

More of the same thing is what I call a “wrong tool”. It means : INSIST. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s stupid. Push push and push in a dead end. Seems easy, but we all do the same mistake.

The pattern is simple :

You have a problem. You think you have the solution. You act. It fails. So you think you have to insist, push, go stronger, “more of the same thing”. you fail.

The problem is “you think into the box”, and you are SURE you have the solution, and that if you insist enough, you will get it. And it’s wrong!

It’s an old classic, told by Palo Alto therapy searchers and Paul Watzlawick. If you want to save your couple, if you want to help someone, if you want to flirt, if you want to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk : STOP. The solution? It’s at the end of this article!

The book? Paul Watzlawick : Change. Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution.

The author gives an example (which I translated rapidly) :

A teacher in a class has a single kid “with problems”. She asks to meet the parents and learns that he has huge issues, comes from a broken family and is very lonely all the time. So she tries her best to take care of him and give the boy much more interest; but the solution is worse : his notes crash, he is more alone. She insists and it goes into a dead end. The therapist says that “the more of the same thing” she does, the worse it’ll go (what she does isolates the boy from the other kids, for example). She’s asked to ignore him. Only to compliment him if the notes are good. And it worked!

If a wife asks her husband to talk more to her, spontaneously, about his days or thoughts, he will tell little things as an effort, but he will feel more and more closed, which will… make the wife to be more focused on him, waiting, and “more of the same thing”, arguing continuously about why he doesn’t talk to her enough, which will embarrass him more and more, etc.

Chögyam Trungpa, who was a Buddhist Meditation Master, says that if someone answer “No” when you want to talk with him, you just have to disappear. If you don’t, if you insist, you just transform yourself into a nagging (oh, a new word!) Demon. He’s so right!

Of course you know the story of the bunch of guys flirting everyday with the beautiful lady in a bar, with no success. Only one guy understands the problem (“More of the same thing”). He just sits in the bar, no interest, showing his back to her. And paying her the most neutral way every night. And guess what? He become the only one who gets her interest…

The tool is also a dial :

It’s hard to detect when you insist “more of the same thing” stupidly, because you are SURE you’re about to succeed. Don’t be a demon. And think out of the box. Buy the book, by the way, it’s very good.

Thanks for reading!

#clown #lille3000

 

 

 

“Old fools are crazier than Young Fools” or how the quotient Solemn/Casual changes when you grow

Reaching 50 years old, I understood a couple of things, I’d say it’s about a quotient between solemnity and casualness.

This is a fact that when you are 20 years old you are more free about many things, all choices are in front of you, but you are also sooo solemn about plenty of things. For example, you “don’t want to do this because you’d be ridiculous” (growing older, you of course don’t give a f*ck to what other people “think” of your ridiculousness). Your brain in full of mindsets about life, love, jobs, money and rules, learned from your parents (or your rebellion against them, which is the same). Solemn.

Who do you obey when you disobey?

When you grow older, your kids will find you very solemn about things of life, but in the deep you became more and more casual, and for many reasons.

  • You get to know that life is short. Really short.
  • You are tired of being afraid (of what, consequences?).
  • You are more often “happy to dare”.
  • You get less solemn because you realize that we’re all lost souls old fools.
  • You get less solemn because you now know that projects use to shatter on reality.
  • Things about yourself begin to be less “serious” or “important”, because you now know you can decide it’s less serious. You have a lever in your head, and you move it.
  • You have some more whateverness

“Rien ne marche dans ma vie alors pourquoi ne pas faire n’importe quoi ? – Nothing works in my life so why can’t I try anything?”

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Tool, Lever, Dial :

  • If you admit this is true, why don’t you try to apply it… now? Hmmm? The lever Solemn/Casual is already active in your head. Use it, or not.
  • Things are not “important” or “serious”, because IT DEPENDS. It depends of what you decide them to be.
  • As it’s a lever, you realize that you always have places where you STAY solemn about yourself. You won’t become entirely unethical, right? You dare, but not too far. Your solemnity is just different. Rarer, but more intense in some places, probably. Some things are, stay, and will stay terribly important. And some elements of your life, some people, some decisions, some drama, all this can not be taken lightly. Ever. Phewww!

Thanks for reading !

#lille #france #architecture

 

 

 

 

Stuck? Good : you’re preparing the Revolution!

“Je suis sûr que c’est très bien de se faire soi-même des [17]89 de temps en temps; il y a en nous un tyran qu’il faut savoir exécuter.”

…says Claude Debussy, the French composer. What does that mean? 1789 was the year of the French Revolution. After that, you remember, we cut the King’s head (and the Queen’s too). So he says :

“It’s good to make your own revolution from time to time; inside of us there’s a tyrant that we have to know how to execute.”

Every book, every therapist, every friend (probably), if you feel stuck somewhere in your life, in your love, in your job, will say : MOVE. Go go go, push, change, etc. You know these injunctions by heart. “You should”. Call these people the Yooshoods, OK?

But, hey, silly, if I feel STUCK, it’s precisely BECAUSE I don’t have the energy to move, to change, to push, blablabla. I just CAN’T!

I wrote recently an article about “How to wait”. It’s the moment you can apply it :

Wait. Watch it and know it : you’re stuck. You’re sad? Watch it. Appreciate it. You are afraid, probably. You don’t realize it yet, but the “situation” is charging itself. You’re getting ready inside and you don’t even know it. Watch around you. Open your eyes and wait. Don’t “decide” anything. It’s too early. Watch, though. You are STUCK. It’s awful. Painful. Frightening. You’re almost ready, though. The knots are very tight. Arent’t they? OK. This is it. Now.

A Revolution appears when the situation is like : Nothing else can happen. Waiting is, from this moment, impossible. Something has to happen, and will. It’s a Revolution. A sparkle, and the powder keg explodes. And kings’ head fall in baskets.

It can come from anything :

An accident. A craziness (and you won’t even recognize your soul). A splendid mistake. An explosion. A chance. A coincidence. A crack. A sudden sliding. A meeting. A sparkle. Anything. All in a sudden.

The situation was the tyrant. Or the tyrant was inside you. The guy who kept your prisoner, right? Stuck. The tyrant will be executed, beheaded.

If you hurt someone, just say you’re sorry. You just had to do it. Your sword (you didn’t know you had a sword, right?) just splitchopped the big bag of knots you had in your brain and in your life, beheaded the tyrant. Sszzzzzttt! Done!

Tool : Sometimes, to be stuck is good.

Somehow we just need kill the tyrant we have in your head, or in a situation, with a Revolution. All this because we let the energy charge in the stuckystuck situation. We waited and watched it grow. Suddenly the sword was here. Behead! Done. Voilà. It wasn’t on purpose. We just had to do it. A Revolution is never “decided”. It’s just the moment, it appears, it washes everything. We just let it happen.

It just couldn’t be avoided anymore.

Thanks for reading!

 

#tube #tunnel #symetry #monochromatic

The Hummingbird Tale

Pierre Rabhi is a French author who likes to tell the legend of the hummingbird, which I would tell like this :

Once upon a time an immense forest fire was watched by all the terrified and powerless animals. There was also a tiny hummingbird flying from a small pond to the fire, each time sparkling a few drops into the flame with its beak, and then again and again. The animals cried out “Hey you little fool, it’s not with your drops that you are going to stop the fire!”. To which the hummingbird replied, “Could be, but I do my part”.

La Légende du Colibri

#clouds

 

 

Beware of Double Binds!

OK I ask Wiki :

A Double Bind is an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in which an individual (or group) receives two or more conflicting messages, and one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other (and vice versa), so that the person will automatically be wrong regardless of response. The double bind occurs when the person cannot confront the inherent dilemma, and therefore can neither resolve it nor opt out of the situation.

I always have in mind the story of a wife, telling her husband he’s a ass, because he never offers her flowers. This is a perfect double bind. Because :

  • If he offers her flower the day after, what’s the point, you silly?
  • If he doesn’t, he stays a donkey.

Well, see?, it’s a good concept to explore. I extended it in the simplest way : a double bind is :

Whatever you choose between A or B, you’re fucked

Here are four examples I stole on the web :

  • A man who is bored and stagnant in his job may be too afraid to make a change. If he stays, he suffers; if he leaves, he believes he’ll suffer. So he feels stuck.
  • A woman wants to end her guilty affair but fears she’ll remain unfulfilled in her marriage if she does.
  • A person heartily wishes to be slimmer but at the same time craves fattening ‘comfort’ foods.
  • A man wants to have sex but fears he will be ‘unable to perform’ and so avoids all sexual contact.

I’m building a Toolbox, so what’s the point? The point is : what is the solution?

Tool : First you have to detect you struggle because of a double bind. Then, you have to think and reconfigure something (your life? your head?). Finally, find a way to be at peace. It can be choosing one and killing the other. It can be getting the “WTF” option and playing with both options (life is short). It can be chopping BOTH options and go away. It can be a dolphin dance between one and two, because both are great. Or you wanna fight both. Whatever : all this is good because you feel alive, you have rushes, you have to move and to think. You go!

#intothewoods #decision

I Ching to solve a problem? Are you serious? #iching

I ching (in French we say i King ou Yi-King) is an ancient divination text from China. There are many ways to “pick” one of the 64 “hexagrams”.

They call it “The Book of Changes”, and in fact, it’s useful to use it when you struggle, when you hesitate.

Well, in your life, in a company, in family, in love : “Are you serious? A chinese divination what??”.

Tool : I Ching. Buy a book. Pick an hexagram (with sticks or coins, who cares), and work on it. Really.

The secret is :

I Ching does NOT guess anything. There is absolutely NO magic here.

I Ching changes the way you see the problem

#november #rose for you my #igers

Happy Praise of the Third Path

OK I’m french. My english is a frenglish, it’s rusty and wobbly, et voilà. Try me, though. I’ll do my best. I promise. If sometimes it’s too bad, just laugh at me or roll you eyes.

Qu’est-ce que c’est que cet “Eloge amusé de la Troisième Voie” ?
The Happy Praise of the Third Path is a state of mind, or a game if you prefer, consisting of

1/ Noticing that most of choices are dual : A or B ?

2/ Then immediatly choosing to… step aside and pick up : C !

The C choice, or the Third Path, is very funny to apply. It’s, in fact, flying away on another territoire. It’s refusing to be trapped in what people chose for you.

If A runs of gas and B runs on diesel, then C rides his bike, of course.

A smokes. B struggles and tries to stop. C don’t smoke at all, never did (“that gives sick things to you”).

There’s a controversial anniversaire expo about a painter. You like (A) ? You don’t like (B) ? Oh : you are currently reading a book about Puccini under a tree (C) ?

Tool : ALWAYS try to find the C outside a bi-faced choice. You don’t always have to use that C choice, but know it exists.

Pro or Con ? There’s a place outside of that. And maybe it’s your place !

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