This winter I’ve been invited for lunch by a couple, I spent a delicious day talking with them and other friends, and the lady of the house lent me a CD of the music composed by… her ex-husband.
I was amazed by that, because divorced people have a nasty tendency to hate everything linked to their ex-lover – they love solemn dramas, probably.
If your love has a talent (for photography, poetry, writing, composing, lecturing or singing), why the hell this person would become a Dumb Zero once the love story is over??? Mmhh?
“Taking things into consideration” is a simple good tool (we say “Faire la part des choses” in French, “to make portions of things” which makes sense, I think) :
Take the pie, cut the love off : the person stays the same! Magic!
“Listen to this CD, tell me if you like it!”, with a big smile : her ex was good in this area. And well, he stayed a good composer…
Or… if you said to your crush he/she’s a good photographer, and you really don’t think he/she is, it means that… oh no, no no no no no no : that’s impossible, right?
Thanks for reading!
I’m blogging about tools for the brain, you know, little things your can apply. Aujourd’hui : la hache !
The Axe is one of them. It’s a radical one. The symbol of : I chop it.
So when you have a problem as a painter, a composer, a company CEO, a friend, a car pilot, a wife, a singer, a blogger, a gardener : examine your problem and you will find that there are only a few ways to deal with it.
- You can try to fix it (take your toolbox)
- You can welcome it and use it to invent a better thing (the problem seen as luck)
- You can chop it (take your axe)
- You can adapt (accept that there’s a problem : nobody’s perfect)
The painter made a pink mistake. He can paint over it. He can use the mistake to add an interesting element to the picture. He can trash the painting. He can keep the flaw and call his painting : “The Pink Problem”.
The composer got mixed up with tracks on his computer and a trumpet played the piano, how wrong! He can fix and put it back to piano, compose a new track full of new ideas lead by the error, he can trash the whole piece of music, he can keep the trumpet mistake and bend the music into an awkward dance.
The CEO hired a guy who’s a bit crazy at times. He can straighten him out in his office. He can put him into a creative team of brainstormers. He can fire him. He can… warn the other employees.
You have a friend, but he made a mistake, or hurt you one day. You can try to talk, make peace, forgive and go on “like before”. You can try to understand what happened, and invent a new way to be friends. You can use your axe and never talk to him/her again, ever. You can change the way you see this person, who is now more “complete”, more fragile, more human : you know his/her dark side.
- The Axe is a powerful tool which just “shuts the door” to a problem. It’s very solemn, but we sometimes have to use it!
We know that other solutions exists, though :
- you can work on you and adapt, and get richer of experience.
- you can work on the source of the problem to understand and fix it.
- you can also tango with reality and understand its imperfections…
Well, you could throw your axe and mix the 3 others, no?
- Your marriage is drowning in silence : divorce, or change, dialog, make it grow again, find a new, a richer way to live with your spouse?
- Your blog has no readers : shut it down, or find new ways to get readers, change your way to write, to present it, or just be more patient?
- This little sick tree in your garden, you ravage it, or you take care of it and accept he won’t be as tall as you thought?
What will you choose?
Thanks for reading!