“I’ve never said that!”

There are dozens of articles about manipulators, but I loved this one :

http://iheartintelligence.com/2017/08/23/end-emotionally-draining-relationship/

The author lists 4 signs, which are :

  1. Twist what you’ve said in their favor
  2. “I never said that!”
  3. Play the victim
  4. Belittle all of your problems

It’s a great article, and today I focus on 2.

“I’ve never said that!”

When you hear it from a person you love, you immediately fall from horse. Then you wonder what’s happening…

  • Why so much bad faith?
  • Are you victim of hallucinations?
  • Why does he/she lie?
  • Maybe he/she really forgot?
  • You’re emotionally manipulated then : what for?
  • To get something?

Then you hear :

  • “You got me wrong”
  • “You’re too serious”
  • “You invent stories”
  • “You try to manipulate me”
  • “I was joking”
  • “You expect too much”
  • “You’re always complaining”

 

Well, etc. You are a prey, that’s it. You’re confused, and that’s the purpose of it…

“They will convince you you are just inventing problems. That you are seeking to find them.That you are ungrateful. You are weak. You are stressing them out. You are just not good with finding solutions. You focus so much on the bad. You exaggerate. And so on.”

 

The manipulator will always accuse you of what he/she’s doing. You’re dramatic. You use him/her to entertain. They have “trust issues” exactly when you shouldn’t trust them. Etc.

 

As you’re intelligent, you notice all this, your “knowledge of the other” is growing and you begin to pack your ideas in your mind to stay safe. But then, of course, the manipulator changes his/her face. Becomes a treasure again (although never sorry for what happened). You melt. You’re done.

If you’re married there is no solution. Find your own way to escape (hunting, biking, muscling, whatever) and try to explode in rage the less you can. Murdering your demon not good. Jail not good. Breathe.

 

Oh, to finish this. There’s only one thing to understand if you don’t already know it : they will NEVER accept they’re like that. It’s maybe the dark core of all manipulators – there is no cure, ever.

 

You can also read : Signs of Bad Signs : our shades of narcissism and Narration of cold sadism as low form of gaiety : a narcissistic tropism

Thanks for reading!

 

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Instagram : _bodylanguage_

 

Break Ups & Taking Things into Consideration

This winter I’ve been invited for lunch by a couple, I spent a delicious day talking with them and other friends, and the lady of the house lent me a CD of the music composed by… her ex-husband.

I was amazed by that, because divorced people have a nasty tendency to hate everything linked to their ex-lover – they love solemn dramas, probably.

If your love has a talent (for photography, poetry, writing, composing, lecturing or singing), why the hell this person would become a Dumb Zero once the love story is over??? Mmhh?

“Taking things into consideration” is a simple good tool (we say “Faire la part des choses” in French, “to make portions of things” which makes sense, I think) :

Take the pie, cut the love off : the person stays the same! Magic!

“Listen to this CD, tell me if you like it!”, with a big smile : her ex was good in this area. And well, he stayed a good composer…

Or… if you said to your crush he/she’s a good photographer, and you really don’t think he/she is, it means that… oh no, no no no no no no : that’s impossible, right?

Thanks for reading!

 

#plis