To be scolded against confitation

ONE

First, I had to search for the correct translation of the French “houspiller” – se faire houspiller : to be scolded, heckled. Okey!

But it does not work. To scold is to censure usually severely or angrily. To heckle is to harass and try to disconcert with questions, challenges, or gibes. Then what about to badger (to harass or annoy persistently), or to rebuke (to criticize sharply)? There’s also “to reprimand“.

The French “houspiller” is all of that, but it contains, I think, “constantly”, and also a slight of positive energy…

It contains : “Big friends or lovers constantly se houspillent”. It contains : they like it, they need it, it’s a game, a stimulating game. Old couples, they love each other but they se houspillent all the time.

“You have too many flaws and you’re a pain in the ass, and I love you!”

TWO

These weeks I read a lot about musicians. One secret of the Beatles seemed linked to the couple Lennon/McCartney, who were clear opposites. And later someone was surprised how McCartney and his one-legged wife were arguing, told it, was heared (oops) by Macca, who winked : “I love them tough!”.

The best album of this guy (2005 – Chaos and Creation in the Backyard) had a “real producer” (Nigel Godrich, who worked with Radiohead) who disturbed him, took some lead and suggestions.

“Nigel… refused to allow me to sing songs that he didn’t like, which was very cheeky of him.”

Although initially taken aback, McCartney appreciated Godrich’s tenacity and honesty.

Bono was asked by a friend “You seem to like to be scolded”, and answered it was cultural (Dublin seems very, very harsh!), that the group (U2) and him were often arguing, that his children were cheeky, and his wife very smart shrewd! And he likes all that!

Bono says that Prince was a genious who probably needed a strong collaborator who’d say to him “this is not good enough”, or “you’re wrong”, to make him fight! He talks about Mick Jagger/Keith Richards who were constantly arguing like children.

The real problem in a relation is not to argue, it’s when you stop arguing! The awkward silence…

THREE

So, what’s my verb? What’s that lovely thing when someone is there and never ceases, when needed, to heckle you or the relation or the work you do together as a “living team”?

Who’s this person?

What’s the word when we don’t have it? Comfy or confit? Confit like marinated comfortable and immobile in delicious well seasoned goose fat certainties?

What’s the words when we do have it, when we’re heckled, fighting, laughing, surprised, bothered, talked and tickled and, well, alive?

When? Why ? How?

Thanks for reading!

Complicated Enemies

In an interview of Jason Reitman, movie director, I read :

“I love when things become complicated. I have the impression that it’s in these moments that we’re alive the most”.

That’s understandable for a guy who write movies, right?

If things become complicated, it can become fun… until you’re too stressed, right?

But as you have a strong personality, complicated is good. Can be. Why?

1. Because you have to think.
2. Because it disturbs you.
3. Because you have to wait and watch.
4. Because you have to be clever.
5. Because you have to focus.
6. Because you have to prepare.
7. Because you have to foresee.
8. Because it increases possibilities.
9. Because you like to fight.
10. And what else?

 

One good example of things becoming complicated is when appears a close enemy.

The far enemy is another thing. Sometimes we even invent an enemy – it’s a good energy to use where you are.

 

What do you do in front of a close enemy (at work, in family, in a team, wherever). What’s your weapon? Smile? Diplomacy? Hierarchy? Mediator? Open battle? Lures and cunnings?

Whatever. It’s a good conversation subject.

1. Because you have to think.
2. Because it disturbs you.
3. Because you have to wait and watch.
4. Because you have to be clever.
5. Because you have to focus.
6. Because you have to prepare.
7. Because you have to foresee.
8. Because it increases possibilities.
9. Because you like to fight.
10. And what else?

 

See?

“I love when things become complicated. I have the impression that it’s in these moments that we’re alive the most”.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Verbal Fencing : strong thumps are nothing against stingy words

A few weeks ago, sitting on a bench, I saw two male 15 years old students RUNNING from a small group sitting in a park. It was a chase!

The tall, big student caught the smart fast little one, and it began.

All cluttered with their bags, running. The tall one badly hit the small one in the back, gripped him. Shook him. Then with some judo-legged movements put him on the ground. Then put his fist against the cheek, crushing him strongly against the ground. He could have broken his teeth, because he was much stronger – and at this moment I was about to stand up and ask them to stop it. Like “Hey, calm down ,will you?”.

But they stopped. Stood up.

Then I saw something odd.

They both walked away, side by side, towards the group-with-girls. And the small guy was… like… comforting the tall one!

It’s been a little disturbing, but then the group was in the trees shade. It was a cool afternoon. Quiet. After school. All quiet.

 

I needed days to understand that all along, the small guy was the winner. He didn’t really fight back. It was NOT OK, right, I agree. Violence is bad. But I knew that the little student had triggered violence by what he said before. The other one was too kind (or too aware of the consequences of destroying his friend’s face) to really counter-attack. If you don’t have words (or the sense of repartee), you’re weak, even with muscles.

The small guy failed to regroup, to find back the tall one’s smile. “Allez, let’s be friends!”, he seemed to say with his gestures. But the tall one knew he lost. He was walking, in contained rage, with infuriated “NO. FUCK OFF” gestures.

 

Thanks for reading!