“The rain it raineth on the just…

The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella;
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust hath the just’s umbrella.

Charles Bowen

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Miracle Mornings (for bloggers and duck hunters)

Well… this book (who tells you that it’s good to wake up early) is also a success in France. I just checked on ze Internet to discover they printed dozens of more, like Miracle Morning for writers, families, executives, whatever. Money is good, take it where it is!

We could offer a bigger variety, like MM to pee, MM mindfulness, MM for single fathers, MM sex and MM for photographers who like poetry, or MM for those who work on a thesis about Middle Age in Finland. Well, they did MM for Real Estate agents!

Well, it says : Wake up early. That’s all! The “not-so-obvious” blurb is wrong. It is. You just have to pull the idea-string to do it. Wake up early means… you have to jump into bed early (or you’ll be like a craving coffee sleepy slipperhead). It also means this :

You’ll have time in the quiet morning for yourself.

After all, in evenings, we all are drunk and exhausted by our day, right? Kids, noise, schedules, commuting, TV bullshittery, errands erranding, and so on : this is all melt and stuck in our head like a boule of grease, and at 8 PM you just look like an incoherent irritated dead hive.

Pill or no pill : Go to bed and sleep at 9 PM. At 5 in the morning you’ll be like a jumping happy zebra. Coffee, shower, then do what you like : blog, read, breathe, make love slowly, then go biking, or watch the sun waking up in colors, naked feet in the grass (if it’s summer – or all year long if you live in Califloridania).

Sshhhh…

Almost all my blogs articles are written hours before I go to work. I can’t do any good things in evenings – or maybe articles which are in need to be very casually written (yes, some of them need that).

Well, if you HAVE to wake up at 5 to commute & work immediately, that’s not fun anymore. I’m sorry! I lived like that for a year. I was back home at 3:30 PM and crashed in sleep anywhere in a minute, like a bovine patty-chip-dung : schplaff.

Not good for any creativity, I agree. The only thing I could do with this brain is to collect forks or avant-garde screwdrivers. Swell!

If you wake up at 4 AM because you are a hunter, I don’t like you. Killing ducks and deers is not cool. It hurts them. Not miracle morning at all! Gunshots during dawn, come on! It’s bad morning for animals, you disturb birds chirping, and it’s bad for your kharma. I wish you walk into a huge French cow chip, so there!

Have a nice day, everyone!

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Birdy Animal, another quickquirk poem

I saw an animal in my house…

I think it’s a bird

It has two wings you can see

Above its head

It can fly for sure

Proof is : it was on the floor

And suddenly on my bed

This bird has a long tail

A feather it is

The wings work with an engine

I can hear the engine in the bird

On the bed in front of me

Purr… purr…

“Merde !” is not exactly your “Shit!”

Pierre Cambronne was a general of the French Empire (under Napoleo). I need Wikipedia here :

At the end of the Waterloo battle, Cambronne was commanding the last of the Old Guard when British General Colville called on him to surrender. Cambronne replied: “La garde meurt et ne se rend pas !” (“The Guard dies and does not surrender!”).

Other sources reported that Colville insisted and ultimately Cambronne replied with one word: “Merde!” (literally, “Shit!”, figuratively, “Go to hell!”)

 

French people remember that, and you’ll read from time to time, “He replied with the word of Cambronne”.

“Merde !” means also “Go to hell!” – is it the same in English?

 

“Shit” is a way to find ten minutes having fun comparing our two cultures. As a French, I’m amazed by English idioms like “Shit hits the fan”, which is magnificent. Four words to picture a terrible mess : bravo!

We don’t have this, but we extended the word “Merde” in a verb : “emmerder”, which can mean to bother/piss off someone (we could imagine a “to enshit someone”), but also “s’emmerder” (we could say “to shit yourself on” ): for “to be bored… shitless” (oh, that’s interesting!).

So in France, “merde !” can be “oh shit!”, but also “go to hell!”, but also “waow!”.

“C’est la merde” means of course you’re in deep shit. But “C’est de la merde” (it is some shit) means “It’s crap”.

 

Of course, other verbs are used in France :

  1. Merder means to fail.
  2. Merdoyer is a more complicated, casual and long way to… fail.
  3. Merdouiller means it doesn’t work very well but it’s maybe funny.

 

There’s an adjective, which is your shitty : merdique.

 

A very hard thing : “Fouteur de merde” (shit fucker) is a person who spoils and destroys a system. It’s very strong, like destroying a wedding party with drank arguments, or a person who sticks his nose in everything to cause damage. On purpose is included.

A “fouille-merde” is a shit stirrer…

 

Well, it’s very similar, in a way, right? I always wanted to write short stories about persons saying “Oh et puis merde !” (“Oh fuck it!”). Like : “I let go, let’s do this!”. An interesting border, don’t you think? Daring…

 

Have a nice day!

 

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Hicks lunch-mosquitoezing at work : What to do?

It’s lunch break.

You Introvert, I know you! You have your quiet spot to eat, right?…

Suddenly you hear what seems to be a one-man band screaming his joy, yelling in laughter, bringing a small group into noisy happiness. Hahaha!

Hicks.

  1. They are happy
  2. They are noisy
  3. They like pranks
  4. Rib-tickling funny stories they love
  5. They speak like “He said this – then I said that”, in loops
  6. They have big voices
  7. They love TV
  8. Laughing hard

You inner-facepalm while you have to eat, then you need strategies.

  1. Go out for a walk under the trees.
  2. Choose weird hours to eat in quiet.
  3. Read
  4. Mentally train yourself to close your ears
  5. Find another human-being to conversation with
  6. Earphones
  7. Acceptance Amor-Fati driven
  8. Wait for coffee breaks : they smoke (they always smoke)

You can quit, but that’s silly. Hicks are like mosquitoes. Everywhere.

Have a nice day!

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26 Worst Ways to Wake Up

Well, hi. I woke up with this title in head, therefore I had to write it…

Why 26? I don’t know, but I kept it, though there’s not 26 ways here. It’s like the traps on Facebook : “11 elements which proves you’re more intelligent”. Yeah yeah yeah.

You can add some in the comments!

The 26 Worst Ways to Wake up are :

  1. There’s no coffee anymore
  2. The cat puked everywhere in the house
  3. You had insomnia all night and you slept at least… ten minutes before your alarm buzzed
  4. You walk on and crush your glasses
  5. There’s a spider on your pillow
  6. You shower and go to work and when you’re there it’s your day off

 

 

Your turn!

 

Have a nice day!

 

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