Toltecking a crying colleague

Many people smile when they open this book, the Toltec Agreements. One does not understand why it’s such a hit, constantly and in many countries. “Always do your best, hahaha I don’t need a book to know this, right?”.

Well, they are printed and pinned on the wall in my apartement. Little by little they probably impregnate the guy…

A few months ago I toltecked a colleague, a young woman bawling her eyes out walking out a meeting with a rude manager. She needed to talk, obviously. What I told her followed the book by the book… but unthinkingly.

Of course there are many ways to deal with managers who manage nothing and then yell once in a while. You can fight back (man to man or with union), you can protect-mute, you can don’t-give-a-shit or quit, choose your way). My way is to deal with these like with the weather (I wrote about it here : Marcus Aurelius VS bad management).

 

  1. It’s useless to comment, you can’t fix anybody. Let go and inner erase what bothers you. Focus on good people.
  2. People deal with their strange patterns, their dispositions (from culture, childhood, etc). It’s interesting.
  3. Trying to guess what’s happening and “why is this” is losing time. Sometimes it rains.
  4. Focus on what’s important in your job, and do it well for colleagues or clients.

 

Have a nice day!

 

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The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

 

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What is Happiness really? – The Flow & Autotelic persons – #Csikszentmihalyi

This little article is just made of things I found on the web. It’s made for people who never heard about the “Flow”. I added a little complement with Autotelism…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)

 

Mister Csikszentmihalyi is an Hungarian psychologist. He was interested in happiness, and found out a very curious thing : one is happy when one is… busy.

The components of this happiness are :

  1. challenge-skill balance
  2. merging of action and awareness
  3. clarity of goals
  4. immediate and unambiguous feedback
  5. concentration on the task at hand
  6. paradox of control
  7. transformation of time
  8. loss of self-consciousness
  9. autotelic experience

 

For this last word, I copy paste wiki :

The autotelic personality is one in which a person performs acts because they are intrinsically rewarding, rather than to achieve external goals. Csikszentmihalyi describes the autotelic personality as a trait possessed by individuals who can learn to enjoy situations that most other people would find miserable. Research has shown that aspects associated with the autotelic personality include curiosity, persistence, and humility.

 

People who have experienced flow, describe the following feelings:

  1. Completely involved in what we are doing – focused, concentrated.
  2. A sense of ecstasy – of being outside everyday reality.
  3. Great inner clarity – knowing what needs to be done, and how well we are doing.
  4. Knowing that the activity is doable – that our skills are adequate to the task.
  5. A sense of serenity – no worries about oneself, and a feeling of growing beyond the boundaries of the ego.
  6. Timelessness – thoroughly focused on the present, hours seem to pass by the minute.
  7. Intrinsic motivation – whatever produces flow becomes it own reward.

 

You can find this when you flirt, when you blog, when you videogame, when you… work. Sometimes you have to think back about it when you ask yourself about happiness. It’s a way to show that it can be reached with(in) yourself…

 

Have a nice day!

 

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“I stopped using Facebook to be happier”, gnagna, etc

Every 6 month I read an erudite article about this : “Facebook makes people unhappy“.

Globally it’s for one reason. It’s because you watch people-you-know’s lives and you notice than they seem happier. At least, happier than you!

Okey.

So in a way it’d bring jealousy and sadness : “People swim in happiness and here I am, swimming in nothing at all”. Booooo. And sob sob.

In fact, Facebook knows better : when people are happy (for example when they fall in love), they… disappear from Facebook!

So the first thing you learn with experience, indeed, it this :

The more people post about their “big happiness” on social medias, the less happy they are in reality. It’s almost embarrassing, at times.

But I wrote about his already :

 

But well…

I know that our disease, all of us, is that we want to be loved. Therefore I’m amazed by the genius of the button “Like” on FB. It’s genius! We all want to be “liked”!

I use Facebook in another way. I follow people who like to share. Not their “life” (travels, barbecues, babies, love bliss), which is INDEED really boring, but what they found : Art, Movies, Lectures, YouTubes, Exhibitions, Paintings…

Thus, most of people I follow on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest are… unknown. I, most of the time, don’t even know their face! They are photographers or Italian Art fans, or American Paintings Finders… They dig and they share : that’s GREAT!

If you use Facebook this way, you’re not “sad”. You’re happy because you find great things everyday! Or, OK, lolcats…

Thanks for reading!

JP

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Flying Colors, New Year’s Stars & Norwegian Angels : Chronicle 30

What if happiness was the sum of the best memories?

zoid

“With flying colors”. It’s a new idiom for me. We say “Avec brio” (with brio), or “haut la main” (up the hand). I love your “handsomely”, too.

zoid

I once more propose this :

“To overcome one’s talents. My skills unplease me. My easy bores me. My difficult drives me”.

Paul Valéry

It’s not “my easiness”, but “mon facile” (my easy), grammatically incorrect but everybody here will understand what he means, right?

zoid

Escape into work works. For some. It doesn’t for me.

zoid

Sometimes we remember things we’ve never seen. Because we remember what we’ve been told. An image has been formed.

I remember the image of a firework, from a beach in the Pacific ocean, linked to sadness, choices and blocking feelings with logic. Just one picture of flowers in the night sky… and tears.

zoid

When you are too much for somebody. Even for a spouse…

zoid

I heard a U2 bad song, but they recover it with a splendid strange break. It could be an article (“What do you do with a bad song?”), but I forgot the song, so…

zoid

When you make a choice, you live your choice and you think the other one.

zoid

Can we lose our colors? Why? How?

Sometimes people change, and they just lose themselves.

 

There’s a big storm coming tomorrow in France. Name’s Carmen.

Thus I found this translation of Ze song from Bizet’s opera Carmen, “l’amour est un enfant de Bohême” :

Love is a gypsy’s child,
it has never, ever, known a law;
love me not, then I love you;
if I love you, you’d best beware!

The bird you thought you had caught
beat its wings and flew away …
love stays away, you wait and wait;
when least expected, there it is!

Many persons here tweet about this storm – “Si je t’aime prends garde à toi” : if I love you, beware!

Brrr…

 

At the end of this year I have 174 real followers. Hello everybody! One day I reached 30 readers and someone told me “Hey, that’s a class!”. Today it’s a little more… I would like to thank everyone, and especially those who like or comment my little tools here. Thank you! Merci !

Have a nice last day of 2017!

Jean-Pascal

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The gap between the real and the hoped

“L’écart entre le réel et l’espéré” : The gap between the real and the hoped…

When the gap is too wide, what happens? We drift.

Drifting is boat vocabulary. You can say you’re out of gas. Or you’re stuck. Parked. You’re powerless. Whatever.

Drifting means you have no steam and you let go. Maybe you watch. Maybe you wait. Maybe you think. Drifting is interesting. Be angry. Or zen. You could get lost… That’s maybe cool!

If you know the 4 laws of action when you have a problem, when you have a gap between the real and the hoped :

  1. You can go away. No gap any more, because the hope has gone.
  2. You can change the way things are. New boat. New rivers…
  3. You can change your hopes. Invent new ones.
  4. You can just shut up – and accept the gap.

 

Meantime, drift. Wait. Quarrel. Drown. Insist. Watch. Endure. Actualize.

You have the right to say no to “Don’t forget to smile”. Drifting people who fakesmile on their boat look like lunatics!

Stand up, though. The horizons could signal.

 

OK. There’s always hope : Remember to smile back, one day!

Have a nice day!

 

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From Wrong Promises to Constellations Seeking

Be afraid of your own big statements! They are often linked & enchained to Big Promises. And promises are promises, it’s forbidden to be casual with these, right?

That leads to a funny assessment : what do we do with wrong promises? MMhh, double-bind, right? Whatever I choose, I’m done.

I shouldn’t have promised, because…

  • It’s unreachable
  • I was drunk
  • It was stupid
  • I put other people in it
  • I changed my mind
  • I have new elements
  • It’s boring
  • It’s a cage
  • Haecceity (I’m dancing, I’m alive, I’m changing all the time)
  • I forgot life is complex
  • I’ve changed
  • I held it for long enough
  • I lied
  • It’s not true to my ideas
  • Adaptation
  • Someone told me to think
  • I got a proposition
  • I want to undergrade my promise
  • Assuagement
  • Fuck it

 

Voilà. Fine. Now what?

Inspiration. Try to stay a creative thinker, find new ideas (and people who think like you), have good conversations around them, peel off clothes (after you’re done with the ideas). Connect to radioactivities. Ask questions. Twinkle. Be a firefly.

Have a nice day!

 

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Instagram : teget

 

 

“He said this I said that” are conversation thieves, but well…

At work. Lunch time. You hear people telling things…

“He said this, then I answered that, and then he said…”. Etc.

The interlocutor nods in agreement – she/he HAS TO, right?

Because the “He said this I said that” person is a little excited by her/his report.

I don’t know exactly why, but it’s not a good sign. “He said this I said that” guys and girls are a bit boring, right? They are like… conversation thieves.

They blow their own trumpet, they’re all that.

Interlocutor? Nod please, because they need to blow it. I mean : the trumpet. They say :

– I’m great, right? I’m strong! I don’t let myself pushed around, right?

Yes! Say yes! Because… they really don’t expect you to say “No, because”!

Therefore, it’s like a game. A play. One is making as if he’s strong. Two is making as if he agrees. And we all know why people play this game : because after a moment, it’s the other’s turn. Other way round. “As for me” time.

In a way, it’s like liking someone’s happiness selfie, right?

…wounded egos has to say it…

 

A long time ago I read in a forum a woman contribution, she was angry, saying that us guys were talking about things (my guns, my knife, my car), and girls were talking about people (she said, he said). She was obviously craving conversations about ideas. But found no one. It’s a slightly very little spoonish schematic, but, well, it said something…

 

Have a nice day!

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