December is a good place to spot idiots. People running around, in crowded/emptied stores, like headless chickens, to find horrible presents, for a hated mother-in-law or a mean cousin, with a mask under the nose, ohlalaaaa.
Our word in France for morons is “con”. You can check on wordreference, “con” is a name AND an adjective.
Yesterday evening I was wondering about the English “Dumb”, therefore I googled “dumb as a” and found silly words, so funny I was hilarious in the streets.
I loved the “bag of hammers“! Haha!
We use hammer (marteau) to say someone is not dumb, but silly or crazy. “Il est complètement marteau” : He is completely hammer. Yess, it’s not “he is a hammer”, but “he is hammer”. I know.
We also say “Il est con comme comme un”, but with other “things”.
Il est con comme un balai (like a broom), comme ses pieds (like his feet), like the moon, or a chair, a suitcase, whatever.
These days I like to say “Il est con comme une bûche” (like a log). It’s more like a super-heavy-dumb, see?
“A very trying summer”? I found this in a Willa Cather short stories book. Who “tried” what?
Dictionaries give me the French “éprouvant” (punishing, demanding, grueling), which comes from “épreuve” (ordeal, hardship).
Question : is “trying” colored with “he tried”, or is it, for English speaker, like another word?
oOo
There’s a whole continent to explore : idioms of a language.
In French, if someone asks you something and there’s NO WAY you give it to them, we say “Des clous !” (“Some nails!”) while you say “No way” or “Nothing doing” (which I like a lot).
When something’s fabulous, I hear you say “the cat’s meow” (or whiskers), and I think “aaaawwwww”.
oOo
Today, web pages are all somethered with Java and PHP. I’m an old fool and in 1993 I was writing my blog in HTML without any editor. Raw. As French is full of accents, it was much worse than you can imagine :
The word “hétérogénéité” needed : hétérogénéité, yeah. I don’t tell you about the tables and charts. It was a mess to code that!
As I type, I was very fast, and my hands, today, remember the sequence “é” very well.
But at this time, I was getting some emails from guys asking me what was my secret to have “so fast display”. Well, nothing more than HTML, that all.
Make it simple. Decrease sophistication. Small fast units. It’s a little tool.
I remember Robert Fripp thinking about that, against big pop groups’s tours, with dozens of trucks. He preferred small fast groups.
What do we gain?
oOo
My fantasy is to explore the States of America in a slantoblique way. Maybe I should visit Bowbells, after all?
One day I was talking about that with a friend, living near Seattle. I asked her : WHY don’t you take the train to go to San Francisco?
In France, the “train thing” is more important. TGV (Trains Grande Vitesse) go 190 miles/h and I can cross my whole country in train in less than 6 hours.
From Seattle to San Francisco by train, I checked : 22h, 1300 km, it’s taller than France itself!
How can I explain? My brain watches the map, and like refuses to get that USA is bigger than that. Of course I knowww the distances and that France is smaller that Texas alone!
oOo
Warfare, strategy, tactics, yeah, you know the Art of War, and that it’s useful out of the field of war, too, blah blah blah : in a couple, in a group, sports, trial, business of course : these “applications outside the military” are fascinating, right?
There are many other Chinese strategy books. The best is probably The Thirty-Six Stratagems. Very interesting in itself AND in the way our mind wants to apply them elsewhere.
There are many sorts of humor, and it’s funny to sort and categorize them. I like when humor is to “say the truth” : Demetri Martin & Dilbert are two examples.
I like sports bars. Sports bars are great because they collect all the people I don’t want to hang out with and put them in one room. I’m not against sports. I don’t have a problem with sports. I’m just not good at them. I’m not coordinated. I’m not drawn to sports. I don’t even look like someone who could spend time in a sports bar. I have a very punchable face in a sports bar.
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back in my apartment. I was halfway through wrapping them and I realized ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said “Happy Birthday.” I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.
oOo
One of the best games is to “find a common structure, then differences between things”. Find examples.
oOo
When is it you have to work well against your hierarchy? You need a mask. You have to forget about your need of approval, play the hierarchy play, knowing its principles, invent your own laws and principle. Loneliness and autonomy, samurai. It’s exhausting though.
oOo
Who likes your little enthusiasms?
oOo
What kind of burning tryingness is there? What are ways of escaping?
Déménager à la cloche de bois (“to move at the wooden bell”) is to go out without paying. To do a moonlight flit.
Etre sous cloche (“to be under a bell”) is to be preserved, protected, with a negative sound to it. To be put under a cover.
Quelle cloche ! (“what a bell !”) : what a numpty, what an idiot!
Se taper la cloche (“to help myself with the bell”) is to have a real feast.
Avoir un autre son de cloche (“to have another bell sound”) is to get another story, another version of it.
Se faire sonner les cloches (“to have my bells rung”) is to get a good telling off.
So a cloche is a bell, but also an idiot (as a name and an adjective), and also a dome (a bell cover).
A bell tower is named “un clocher” (say : “closhey”), which is often used to say a village. If someone is attached to his village, il est attaché à son clocher (his bell tower).
The verb “clocher” (it could be “to bell”) means it’s not quite right. Il y a quelque chose qui cloche : something is wrong.
Un clochard is a tramp, a homeless person.
Avoir un esprit de clocher (“to have a bell tower spirit”) is when you want to stay with the opinions of a group.
“D’un trait (ou d’une traite)” : in a drop (in one go)
“Rattraper le coup” : to catch the deal (patch it up)
“C’était couru” : it was run (foregone conclusion)
“C’est l’idée qu’on s’en fait” : it’s the idea that one makes (that’s the idea)
“Boutonner lundi avec mardi” : to button monday with tuesday (button the wrong hole)
“Avoir des atomes crochus” : to have hooked atoms (to have a lot in common)
“Donner du fil à retordre à quelqu’un” : to give somebody some yarn to twist again (to give somebody a hard time)
“Il y a anguille sous roche” : there’s eel under rock (there’s something fishy going on)
“Faut c’qu’y faut” (pronounce “foskifo”) : must what must (we needed this). For example to warm up a coffee in a microwave you need at least one minute, faut c’qu’y faut.
“Quand le chat n’est pas là les souris dansent” : when the cat’s away, mice… dance!
I was good at school, I mean, with English lessons. But as an adult, as I began to… speak with people, apart from plenty of little mistakes I scattered everywhere and of course the usual lack of vocabulary, it was OK. But… not that OK : Idioms. These were hard.
Same when you learn French, I suppose. There are plenty of books about these, and some are really funny. In this article, I found things we say daily. The most common ones…
Pile-poil! : exactly, dead on time!
Et rebelote! : once more, and yet again, another run and all over again.
J’ai la dalle (I have the slab) means you’re starving.
Au pif (at the nose) or à vue de nez (at sight of the nose) : at the guess, around.
Il me prend la tête (He takes my head) means he drives you crazy. On French Tinder you’ll seek a relationship “sans prise de tête” (without head taking)!
J’en ai marre means I’m fed up. “Marre” means nothing, we just say it. Someone about to explode will simply scream : MARRE !
Je suis crevé (I’m flat) means you’re exhausted, of course.
Faire la grasse matinée (to make the fat morning) is to sleep in. We often cut it : “Ce matin, grasse mat !”.
Jeter un coup d’œil (to throw a stroke of eye) is to take a quick look.
Faire le pont (to make the bridge) is a French sport : it means you take off the day(s) between a day without work and the weekend, for example.
Occupe-toi de tes oignons (take care of your own onions), for mind your own business.
En faire tout un fromage (to make a whole cheese out of it) is to make a fuss (what the hell is a fuss??).
Je suis en train de manger (I am in the action of eating) is our common way to say your “Be + ing” -> I’m eating. We say “je suis en train de” one million times a day.
Je te tiens au courant (I hold you to the current) : I keep you up to date.
Oh la vache ! (Oh the cow!) means you’re impressed : Oh my God!
“Shake your fleas!”, we say to someone who needs to wake up and act. It’s hard to find the English one. “To give somebody hell” is too hard – for this we say : “Passer un savon” (to pass a soap). “Shake things up a bit!” is maybe OK.
Couper l’herbe sous le pied
“He cut the grass under my feet!”. Means… To pull the rug out from under, cut off the legs, deprive.
Prendre quelqu’un de vitesse
“To take someone with speed” : outpace (devancer), overtake (dépasser), get a jump on (prendre de l’avance, commencer plus tôt). You got the point…
Un dur à cuire : “A hard to cook” is a hard nut, a tough cookie.
Vas te faire cuire un œuf! : “Go cook an egg!” is our “Get lost!”, or “Go jump in a lake!” (do you use it really?).
C’est du tout cuit : “It’s some all cooked” : It’s all done!
Fourmis
Fourmis are insects (ants), and we make plenty with them :
J’ai des fourmis dans les jambes (I have ants in my legs) : pins & needles…
Fourmiller : to swarm, to teem : to be present in large numbers, to move in large numbers. Interesting to say that we use this verb for flat, “on the ground” events, there’s “crawl” into it. Bees can not fourmiller in France! We have pulluler (to pullulate), grouiller (to bustle with, when it’s busy teeming), and we don’t have any “to mill around”. Lovely!
Un fourmillement (you could say “an antment”), therefore, is a welter, jumble, clutter, but also “the fact that one has pins and needles in one arm”, for example.
I realized we have in France many ways to say “It’s easy!”? Piece of cake? Yes. Kind of.
Here are a few :
C’est un jeu d’enfant : child’s game
C’est du gâteau : it’s some cake
C’est du nougat : …
Facile comme bonjour : easy like hello
Comme sur des roulettes : like on little wheels
Les doigts dans le nez : fingers in the nose
Comme qui rigole : like who laughs
Bête comme chou : stupid like cabbage (more like “dead easy”)
En moins de deux : in less than two (fast and easy)
I found English ones on the web – it’s a lark, a cinch, a snap, a pushover or easy as pie (which one do you use?) – but also other countries’. And they are funny!
On va quand même pas se mettre la rate au court-bouillon!
It’s our way to say something like “Bahh we won’t get worked up/have a cow!”. It means in French : “We won’t put our spleen in the stock”. Yes the bodily organ in the broth…
Well obviously we won’t worry to much for this…
On n’est pas sortis de l’auberge
We have big problems to deal with, therefore “We’re not close to be out of the inn”.
Yeah, “We’re not out of the woods yet”…
A la Saint-Glinglin
Well, there’s no Saint Glinglin in France (or anywhere), therefore it means : “When pigs can fly”.
Never
Ça mange pas de pain
For “It can’t do any harm”, we say “It doesn’t eat any bread”. Makes sense?
You can always try…
La confiture aux cochons
To give jam to the pigs is our “To throw pearls before swine”. Yours is better, right?
In French it’s not heaven, but… the sky. It will help you. Aide-toi, le ciel t’aidera.
I find it interesting that you use “heaven” in English, instead of God himself. “Heaven helps those who help themselves”. Does that mean that people understand that they can NOT ask God himself to help them (find a place for your car, pass your exam, change your life)? Yep : He has probably other and bigger fish to fry.
In French, we would say “Il a d’autres chats à fouetter” : “He has other cats to whip”.
Really? Yes really.
So… Help yourself, the sky will help you.
Nevertheless :
It seems to be a good advice (even if there’s no God or Heaven or Sky to “help” you). This invitation to act (with an implicit “Instead of complaining”) sounds a little like :
“Move your ass, silly, and maybe you’ll get something”. Okey!
This decision process is a funny thing to study. “To begin, begin”, said the wise man. But how? First, your have to find your goal, right? Then…
Action, go go go, push, push towards your goal, drive your way towards it.
Observe what’s around, find where the flow flows, rotate little things to facilitate flows… towards the goal. The flow. Where it goes. That’s important!
Who says “Help yourself”? Your mother? Your friend? Why? Do they want to help you really? Are they angry of your laziness? What can happen? Where’s YOUR flow? Did you consider it? Or do you constantly work against it?
What’s the worse that could happen? You help yourself, you move, you change things, you try, you… fail?
Well, not THAT a big deal, right? “Y a pas d’quoi casser trois pattes à un canard” is the French way to say “Nothing to write home about” :
This article was triggered by a friend in the USA, telling me that many men from other countries asked her to visit (all this linked to love and attraction, etc…), but… “Who takes a plane to visit ME?”.
I read many interviews of filmmakers, who love to write stories and scenarios, and like to work for days on the editing process, but these directors hate shooting because it’s a compromise of their script – or at least they find it boring and complicated. You’re surrounded by a huge team who spend their time to fix problems, right? With actors who are fragile, lost, or complicated. They know they HAVE TO do it, though.
I think I’m this kind of guy. This is a flaw, and this is bad. I tend to live in a fantasy world. I like ideas, books, and metaphors. I like to say “Let’s keep it a dance”, but I don’t propose real tango lessons. I fantasize about traveling but I don’t even have a passport! I’d love to visit Luca (Italy), Yalta (Ukraine), or Petaluma (California)… and I don’t even have a car.
I’m not a doer, I’m not a strong person, I’m a dreamer and we dreamers tend to overthink instead of moving our asses. I know it can be felt as a betrayal by action people…
I should light a fire under my ass (ohh these American idioms with the word “ass”) but I don’t and won’t. Somebody could light it for me, but that’s lazy to easy to say that, right? And if I don’t move it could hurtburn my bottom, poor me! Condemned to stand up for the rest of my life…
Nevertheless, I think that you could find a sidekick lover, a partner who likes your conversation and dreaming capacities (fair’s fair), who settles in, takes their place next to you, not to become an engine or a pusher, which would be exhausting, but who knows you well enough to guess when to trigger this lever they know about. A single well placed sentence and a dreamer can become a strong action happy man. Tadaaaa.
Let me present you two French idioms about craziness :
Il travaille du chapeau (he works from his hat)
Il a une araignée dans le plafond (He has a spider in the ceiling)
Both say the same of course. I found in english :
He has a screw loose (I love this one!), he has bats in his belfry, but also “go bananas” (more angry? Then we’d say “Il a fait un caca nerveux” : He made a nervous poo) or “Out to lunch” (which seems slightly different and both made me laugh for ten minutes, at least).
OK, we have more too in French :
Avoir les fils qui se touchent (his strings are touching each other)
Parler aux murs (he speaks to walls)
Il lui manque une case (he lacks one compartment)
Il a un pète au casque (he has a bump at the helmet)
Il est pas fini (he’s not finished)
Il a un petit vélo dans la cafetière (he has a little bike in the coffee pot).
Like it? Try this page in French. For example, Portuguese say “He has little monkeys in the attic”.
“Péter plus haut que son cul” means “To fart higher than your ass”. Makes sense? Of course it means “to be pretentious” or “to be vain”. I think you say “Think you are the cat’s whiskers”. Cute!
“Ça vaut pas un pet de lapin” means “It doesn’t worth a rabbit’s fart”. In English you say “It’s not worth a bean”, which I understand, but is also less funny, right?
“J’en n’ai rien à péter” means “I have nothing to fart about it”, of course it’s the English way to say “I don’t give a shit”. Oohhhh!
“Péter un câble” (“To break a cable”), yes it’s “To blow a fuse”. Because in French, péter can also mean “To break”. J’ai pété une assiette : I broke a plate. Yessss, I know 🙂
a french toolbox 