Pressure & Sabotage, a cessation process

Family. Three kids. Pressure inexplicably put on the eldest boy, who is labelled “brilliant”. “He will become a doctor”, as they proudly say. In the middle of his curriculum, he has a motorbike accident. Or develops an invalidating disease, like sclerosis. As he was not strong enough to say “No” to this pressure, he found another way to stop.

It probably sounds “too easy”, and the accident was just maybe random, but I heard that kind of story so many times that it became really fascinating. So for me it became a dial gauge to watch :

When too much pressure, watch for the accident life will invent to cease it

Pressure can be provided by family or spouse, by the situation, or by… people themselves. When people work too much, sometimes their friends begin to say : “Hey, you’re pushing too far, slow it down, pal!”. In general, they don’t stop. And then you see what life will choose to make them stop.

They suddenly fall apart, have an accident, they become sick. Life brakes for them. From time to time, it’s not even enough! They insist, they don’t understand, they move forward, so they fall more sick or they curiously get hit by a car saying : STOP, for Christ’s sake!

You, my reader, are a reasonable person, but you know… that when you’re VERY upset, light bulbs often explode when you switch on the light. PAF! It not truuuue, it’s impossible, but… it happens all the time, though.

The same way, I saw many times the house stopping people. Too much pressure, too much stress, and there’s a huge leak in the bathroom, a falling chimney, or a fire. The environment is acting silly.

Nooo, can’t be. Right?

Thanks for reading!

 

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Illness and Reality

When I was about 16 I’ve been very ill for some months. Rheumatic Fever, they call it. It’s pretty rare in our days in occident, a bacteria attacking heart, kidneys, among many other dangerous things. It was frightening

I noticed two things :

  • People were watching me differently (I had the label “dangerous disease” on my forehead).
  • I watched life differently too.

When you carry something like that, diabetes, cancer, or even… pregnancy, you evolve in the world in another way. You swim in another water. You have different glasses. Some things become very important, and some others things you see seem ridiculous. Yes it’s an insularity : somewhere it makes you lonely. You don’t get other people’s dramas. And you don’t necessarily want to explain why…

Do you say? When do you have to? What kind of island are you on? Who understands? Do you need to find similar cases to share with? What is different, if you dig? Where is the fear? The security?

Good day!

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Books to awestruckheal your worries?

We all have worries and overthinking hours. We often superthink about “what will happen”, and… OK, there’s a concept here I’d like to present to you :

Affective Forecasting : which is “to predict your future emotional state”. You worry about what you WILL feel, your future emotions, their duration, and their intensity. Ohlalaaaa !

Your mind, like mine, has more superpowers : the capacity to overthink the past. It’s a whole mess, right? You do and redo what happened, and you imagine what you could or should have said or done, etc. You have hours in the night to to that, right?

What to do, que faire ?

Books. You can easily find novels and accounts about betrayals and despair and divorce if you’re in a break-up, about illness if you have some health problems, about crazy job stories if your manager hates you. It’s about understanding. You’d be amazed by what people go through. “We’re not alone”, “you’ll learn from that”, etc.

But there are books about worse situations, which can put your story in perspective and detach yourself from your mess. It’s not about understanding yourself, but about awestruck (waow, THIS is a frightening word!). The OMG books, if you want.

Personally I’d choose something real about WWII or these terrible stories about USSR and gulag. Yes it’s a little awkward, to breathe differently and watch the sky when you think about “worse”, earthquakes, burning cities, epidemics or working class centuries ago. Shit happens and can hit the fan, but there you’ll see that there are BIGGER FANS, much bigger. For gulag, I suggest Shalamov.

Until…

Thanks for reading!

Russian trio to begin :
Shalamov : Kolyma Tales
Grossman : A Writer at War
Alexievich : Secondhand Time

 

#sadness #tears #train #carol

Fleeing Pressure the Wrong Way

A clever kid! His parents want him to be the successful guy of the family. He will become a doctor!! He studies hard, hard, hard, under pressure, and… gets Multiple Sclerosis – or a motorbike accident.

Pressure! There are so many ways to pressure someone. Orders. Injunctions. Work.

There are many ways to shunflee strong moral pressure. If you’re a strong adult you just accept it fiercely, or you quit, you fight, you learn detachment – you protect your mental territory. There are so many ways to resist discreetly : sabotage, inner resistance, sarcasm, preparing revenge or a funny stunt. Escaping ways…

If you are a child, if you’re weaker than the pressure-provider, if you are stuck or prisoner of the situation, you can’t resist.

Then your body takes over.

Your body will find a way to say stop. Can’t stop the source of pressure? He’ll stop you!

Nervous breakdown. Burn-out. Accident. Serious disease. Somatization. It’s just a burst of resistance, and a full stop, most of the time. Against moral pressure, the last shunning way to say “fuque off”.

Tool/dial : Watch yourself. In both ways.

 


See also : “Be Spontaneous, please”


 

Thanks for reading!

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