Insomnias

My whole life I slept like a baby.

But two years ago, some events in my life put a permanent hole in my sleep.

I know people who sleep like me : pretty well for 4 hours then wake up in the middle of the night.

  • Some of them stay in bed and try to rest their body doing nothing.
  • Some of them can’t do that without becoming crazy, thus they go on the couch to read a book for a couple hours… before going back to bed in the morning.

And nowadays I can’t really sleep without pills. I sleep OK without them, but I’m ready to go for my day at 2 AM : not good. With this medicine, I do wake up but I feel so sleepy that I wake down.

I have to say that one should not have any charging phone near the bed. It’s better not to check anything in the night. OK : you can open a silly book if you had a nightmare. A need to turn off your brain…

I have a friend who is insomniac. It was so bad that he went to the hospital where they studied his sleep. The result was a gap between what he thought he slept and the real time he slept. Something like he was sure he slept twenty minutes in the whole night, but he slept six hours.

Light & ground sleep with plenty of holes is a possible definition of hell, I agree. It appeared it’s also a hell if you have the feeling you don’t sleep but you do.

My whole life I slept like a baby…

 

Thanks for reading!

 

“As soon as I turned off the light and tried to go to sleep it would begin to come into the room in waves building and building up until I would have to pant to get any air at all out of it until I would have to get up and feel my way like when I was a little boy hands can see touching in the mind shaping unseen door Door now nothing hands can see My nose could see gasoline, the vest on the table, the door. The corridor was still empty of all the feet in sad generations seeking water. yet the eyes unseeing clenched like teeth not disbelieving doubting even the absence of pain shin ankle knee the long invisible flowing of the stair-railing where a misstep in the darkness filled with sleeping”

W. Faulkner

 

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Thinker’s Diary : Words Snack

What’s near your bed?

  • A good novel you’re keenly reading every evening
  • A pile of cuddly comforting comics (Peanuts or Calvin & Hobbes)
  • A magazine in your comfort zone (movies, classical music, food, (or knives and fast cars?))

 

The “Print Disease” is when you HAVE to read what’s around

If like me you have this illness (printed words feed you), you need to have fast light things near your pillow. Like a snack of words, right? Just in case of insomnia, for example…

There are many ways to have “short things”. Very easy novels. Old comics. Archipelago philosophy. Quotes collection. Poetry. Correspondence books…

I have all these, and diaries.

Thinkers, writers, photographers, directors, politics? Many personalities wrote their diary. Sometimes it’s published, even after author’s death.

As a book unearther, I have the tendency to pick up everything diary-ish. It’s a superpower, in a way : you just open the author’s mind and see him/her think.

 

Yesterday I was with Gide (1869-1951), reading some diary pages of 1941. I found this (my translation) :

 

An opinion begins to bother me as soon as I can take advantage of it.

 

I had to stop reading, opened mouth.

“What?!”

That was obvious to me – so why being bothered by? What if he was right, and where, and how, and why? Here you go : you have two hours.

 

The danger of having words snacks near your bed (even Peanuts : Charlie Brown is a pretty good philosopher) is to find interesting things in the middle of the night. Therefore “Hello insomnia I embrace you” : you’ll never go back to sleep. So there!

 

Have a nice week-end!

Jean-Pascal

 

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Miracle ShitShifted Mornings

When you’re not OK, you often don’t want to go to sleep : you play video games instead, or you chat online, or you binge-TV until VERY late in the night.

I’ve been there, playing Quake II alone or Myth online all night long, or rebuild the world in interminable conversations with other old lost souls, listening to Bach or Steve Roach‘s music with candles. It makes you forget you have no (…) in your life. Good!

Now I’m older, I found another way, which is the contrary the reverse one, le contraire.

You go to bed at 7 PM. You know it’s early and that you will “read”. But you’re too drunk or tired to do that. And thinking about your parked life is boring. Your eyes are exploded because you watched the clouds too much. You sleep at 7:30 PM (with a pill). You wake up, completely lost, at 2 AM, but if you’re lucky you can sleep a bit more. Until 3:30 AM. You slept enough, you’re ready to go! It’s your own f*ckin’ “Miracle Morning”!

Well you’re ready for coffee, right? At 4 AM, you’re fresh and happy. If it’s winter, you’re packed under two pairs of socks & trousers and three sweaters in front of your Macintosh, trying to write something from an idea you had in a dream, a book you liked, about some Desert Music pulsing, or an old diary you wrote ten years ago. You should write a novel, but nope it is. Later when you’ll have the strength blablabla tululu.

Happiness is in little moments : you can watch, in Summer, the dawn’s first lights. It’s colored, and beautiful. If you have the energy, Instagram it!

Thanks for reading!

#yellow #too @mariakdolores #leaf #stairs