The Happy Lonely Christmas Liars

“Tonight then, I Christmas eve dinner alone and I know you will believe me if I say you that this “freedom” brings me a pretty much voluptuous feeling. Music reading silence peace.”

This phrase can makes us think about the state of life where you need it – and need to write about it.

It’s maybe next to another state (when you have a family, you mostly want to be with them, right? Oh but maybe you are… and wish for quiet instead). It can be after it. Before it. Because of remoteness (your lover lives in another part of the planet). Well : circumstances

But also : a real love for this state. “Music reading silence peace” lovers, call them introverts or quiet people, those who like silence and know that their own head is good company. Some days, you love or you need to be apart, apart from the people & parties.

Sipping moods in summer nights, the “outside the party” Type…

This friend also wrote me this :

“Yesterday evening I was invited to dinner with X and a few of her friends. It’s been like a trial :

  • Why do you always wear black
  • Why don’t you talk much
  • Why don’t you go out
  • Why a quiet face and nervous hands
  • I know well that you are like this
  • I know well that you are like that
  • You are one of those women who this
  • You are one of of those women who that”

 

Horror, she wrote.

Hmm?

Have a nice day!

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Soccer Games (in shorts) (in the mud) (good grief)

When you’re not really interesting in soccer, you just watch and see two dozens of guys in shorts running after a ball. After all, we all need to be kept busy and to manage our time. Therefore, why not? Let’s take oneself in hand, and run after a ball, in a team! (important : in shorts).

I always have a bunch of naive questions I ask to my soccer lovers friends.

  • Why don’t these guys play with women? Co-ed football?
  • Why the hell is the team of “your” city the best? Imagine we do the same with movies or writers… Why don’t you watch all styles all teams and choose the one you love the most? No, OK, it’s your city, they’re the best. OK OK. OK.
  • Why don’t you all handle two balls at the time? It’d be funnier!

 

Introverts and other guys with glasses will try to find a philosophy here. Camus said he liked to play the goal keeper, where he learned a good lesson :

“The ball never comes from where you expected her to come”.

Like problems and betrayals in life?

(pardon my French)

 

When I was a teenager, my spectacled friend Jean-Marc and I (there are always two guys with glasses in a classroom, right?) we had to play soccer, and we hated it. Œuf Corse.

It’s November, it’s cold, drizzling. I want quiet, an easy chair and a fire and a cat and a book. Not to run in the dirt with idiots!

Bahhhh I loved that bunch of screaming guys : they were running like lemmings after the ball. It’s cute. Look at’em all! YAHHHHH.

Needless to say that the two poor shivering Jean-Marc and Jean-Pascal, in shorts and drizzled eyeglasses, were not in the group clucking like headless hens, because having found one or two functioning neurons in our bored head, we were, on the playground, waiting, a little bit outside of the circle of fools.

Re-needless to say that, oh fuque, inescapably, the ball ALWAYS suddenly spouted out of the group towards JM (or JP). Shit, shit and shit. What do I do now?? Mired for good.

With a good dose of audacity, I tried then to do the thing : running in cold November, in shorts, with a ball in the middle of my legs! Obviously, with a horde of yelling pimpled teenagers locked on to me…

When then reach me – if they don’t, I fall (because of the mess ball/legs) – in a panic gesture, I hit the ball. PAF. Anywhere. PAF! Go get it, you fools! Let the fetchers fetch.

Sigh… My hands on my knees, trying to catch back my breath, pfeeww, spitting my lungs, listening distractedly to the reproaches of Mr Sports Teacher, I’m thinking about next month’s soccer game. Oô December, “when mud on the ground is frozen in uncomfortable excrescences”.

I hear a crow. Croak! He mocks me. OK, let’s focus. Where’s the horde? I stand up and deep breathe. You go girl.

Happily, today I didn’t fell full length in the mud…

 

Thanks for reading! Have a great sunday!

 

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Managing Layers, Empathy Ways & Adaptation Paths

Wandering into this…

I work in a store. I have to deal with : managers, colleagues, customers. If you’re a principal in a school, you deal with : teachers & special educators, students, parents (a gardener deals with flowers – a client from time to time. Some days, I’d like to be this guy)…

I talked with a speech therapist one day, and we agreed on this : when you work with a lot of humans, you acquire an instinct, a very fast ability to adapt and adjust your communication ways to the others, your interlocutors.

Thus I really feel I have the head up display like in the Terminator red screen : when the robot meets someone, he’s computing, sorting, labelling what he sees, in real time. Tut criip tut tuuut!…

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If today, at work, you meet someone you already know (a kid, a colleague, a chief), you’re fast inside because you have your labels ready, a bunch of stickers, it is. Then your sensors refines and adapts : what’s the mood here and is there something new to know? All this while your talking about the weather – right?

The purpose is not to terminate the person, but to adapt. It leads to a question about empathy : you empath, do you think or do you feel? Both? Of course both!

I posted an article about INTJ or INFJ in a forum, asking if the T (thinking) and F (feeling) are not, in fact, a braid, and I got attacked there by people who REALLY like their boxes and said I “did not understand”. Like in USSR in the old time, I probably needed to be re-educated.

So we work with groups (students/teachers/parents), we connect with individuals, we juggle with labels and realness, reality, we tango between instincts and analysis. Computing big data inside!

One day we are skilled enough to laugh when we learn that there are books about mentalism or “gestures analysis”. “Methods”. As if when someone crosses his legs to feel comfortable was a “sign of closure”! OMG.

Of course there’s a need of books! A few hundreds could be a beginning. Anthropology, Philosophy, Psychology…

And years of life.

Then, when you talk with your lover, you know he/she has an idea in her mind, a worry, a concern, anything. There, it’s not analysis, it’s instinct. And you effing WATCH your partner, from the inside, not as a pilot (you don’t decide this), you just notice anything : her eyes, a way of breathing, a microseconding hesitation in a phrase. You say : “What’s happening, dear?”. She’ll maybe answer :

– Aweee… How do you know?

OK. INFJ. Maybe…

 

Thanks for reading! Comment if you feel like you want to add something…

Have a nice day!

 

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Instagram : _bodylanguage_

 

 

 

 

BooksTeaCat, SportsBeerDog & their Social Interactions Necessities – #INTJ

ONE

Introverts. We’re all a tribe.

There are labels we tend to like to read about us. INTJ, Empaths, Introverts, Thinkers…

We read memes about us with a smile.

Responsibilities and social interactions needs cursors at the minimum : we prefer to think alone, in front of beautiful nature, or with our saint trilogy (a book a tea a cat), under a blanket, watching the rain by the window. We love conversations… one to one.

TWO

And then, the other side. Extroverts, Go-ahead people, Fast people, Managers, people who like groups, parties, responsibilities, goals, etc…

THREE

When an introvert is bored, it’s sort of OK. She (I call her a she in this article, OK?) dreams, she opens a book, goes for a walk – or opens a bottle of French wine before writing a poem.

When an extrovert is bored, he’s (I call him a he, OK?) depressed. Something’s wrong. Routine is not OK at all. He becomes grey, and looks for “things to do” – which are often displacing his body (hunting, running, biking, driving, whatever) or finding goals (or anything that can bring a sense of success).

FOUR

But in the end, we all need social interactions. All this is pretty well told by the Hedgehog’s Dilemma :

The hedgehog’s dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is a metaphor about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs seek to move close to one another to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp spines. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur, for reasons they cannot avoid.

The hedgehog’s dilemma suggests that despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm, and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships. The hedgehog’s dilemma is used to explain introversion and isolationism.

(Wikipedia)

FIVE

A new job, a project, a success. We met new people, we’ve been in groups, yeyyy!

The Extrovert got oxygen. He feels happy, and alive. Grey’s gone, he’s like a clean engine in the sun! He goes running with his dog! He smiles back and his wife is proud.

The Introvert got oxygen too. She feels happy… to be back home. She has new ideas of musics and books, seeds for conversations. Look at her, now : she’s reading, petting her cat’s head. Both are purring…

Her husband cuddles her, smiling, or… runs with the dogs. Depends of the type!

 

Thanks for reading!

 

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Unholy Placed & Sized Prisms

A photograph worries.
He doesn’t want to enjoy the moment, but to take advantage of it.
Ernst Jünger

 

If you’re creative, or obsessed by something, your contact with reality is spoiled.

It is true that we all have an ideal way of seeing a wise person, who is in “direct contact” with things and events : reality. Without filter, as we say, right?

But think about a photographer. He watches around with a frame in his head. He constantly “imagine what picture it could give”. A photographer always is a hunter…

If you blog, you hear every conversation, you read every article with this fisherman attitude : “Is there something I could write about?”.

More generally, if you’re a words lover, your filter is a complete set : everything around you, everything that “happens” becomes words, sentences, adjectives.

All this is maybe a protection. It creates a distance between us and the world.

I wrote about this already :

Sometimes we’re HIT by reality, all in a sudden, we stickcatch up back. It can be a sight, a word, a surprise, a kid, a cat, a movement. Suddenly it’s OK : your filter vanished.

Here you are, look at youuuu!

Do we have to trigger it, to “want” this? Why? What happens when the filter comes back? What’s the role of alcohol (does it de-filter, or does it add a mattress?), of meditation, of pain, of love? Do we have to be aware of this filter working along the day? Is it useful to dance between the two states (with/without)?

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

Gleanpickupping seeds & tools in a Gidon Kremer interview

In a French grey morning of August, I’ve had my coffee with two good slices of brioche, frame window staring, in front of an ominous sky, at the cut out moving trees in the wind, shhhh.

Mind wandering…

According to your job, your availability, your passions, you have different way of “entering contact with reality” :

  • A photographer type will watch around him with the “Can I take a picture here, when, from where?”.
  • A musician type will analyze some new song he hears, decorticating it like an alarm-clock.
  • A poet type will find a good word in a book then might begin to weave a poem in his head.
  • The climber type will watch these city walls… etc…

You… just have to put your “mode on” (and YES, you can have many “modes on” ready in your head, haeccity oblige).

 

I read an interesting interview of Gidon Kremer, violonist, in a classical music magazine. I read this interview with two modes on.

  1. First was : “Find maybe some music to listen to” (I found Schumann, Weinberg, Arvo Pärt, and a Prokofiev melody)…
  2. The other one was my blogger mode : “What little structure, what tool, what tropism can I find in his interview?”.

 

So, well, I learned things about Gidon Kremer himself, his friends, career, evolutions, wonders, etc. He’s an interesting person, the typical clever artist (for me he’s a cousin of Bill Bruford, the drummer).

Eventually, my second “mode on” found quotes, wonders, seeds to plant (here or there) and to meditate on :

  • We live a physical house, but also in some spiritual homes, other “places” we belong to.
  • Playing very few notes is more difficult than pure virtuosity.
  • When you find difficult to play or understand something, you maybe need to find parallel structures in other artists or situations : comparison enrichment.
  • You can explore a field (movies, music) with artists, eras, but also labels or studios, producers, etc. Let’s write something about ECM.
  • Should an artist listen or study what he did in his past? (Kremer never listens what he recorded in previous years).
  • When an artist collaborates, there’s a need of “mutual listening”.
  • Sometimes we miss something. Friends around us indicate things or persons but we don’t listen – when we maybe should.
  • Then and therefore : what is to catch up? How do we? What is “to redeem”, how?
  • “Seeking perfection is the enemy of beauty”

 

Etc etc. I found a few more. Whatever. Each line is a door to a new room, which is full of questions. How to drive “mutual listening”? What becomes virtuosity with very little notes to play? Where the frontier to find between catching up and letting go? Etc…

I found this too : when you have one or many “modes of exploration”, it becomes difficult sometimes to be in direct contact. You ALWAYS have a filter on, and that can be exhausting!

We have to find back a way to quit our introvert-analyzer inner computer to… touch things. I suppose it’s what great artists can do, having the great ability to move it like a lever, a slider, from 0 to 100%, from “I know this without any words” to “Analyze and peel it off to understand it”. Where is yours?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

To write this article, I needed music. I chose Weinberg by Kremer – of course. The YouTube link is under the sleeve, downstairs :

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#Gifted Adults are not always “gifted”, they just operate differently

The problem with words : they put labels on you. If you’ve been “gifted” in your childhood, you’re pretty sure that you’re “gifted”. But are you really? Where and how?

There are plenty of colors, nuances, gradations, in many directions, in your gifted personality.

No you don’t find “two types of humans : the gifted and the non gifted”, right? It NOT only a IQ thing…

Take the whole brain engine, get closer, watch it. Gifted people can be :

  • Funnier or darker.
  • Faster or slower-deeper.
  • More sophisticated or simply shining.
  • Craving conversations with other gifted, or isolated.
  • Big picture or mini-details seekers.
  • Learn differently, exploring or thinking.
  • Artistic or not at all.
  • Intense or lost.
  • Introvert or the contrary.
  • Independent or leaders.
  • Controlling or easy.
  • Lazy or big workaholics.
  • Anxious or happy.
  • Successful or in living in ideas and patterns.
  • Organized or messy-messy.
  • Etc. Etc.

Almost each of these lines could become an article !

I like to think that gifted adults can be “more intelligent”, but it’s not necessary. They are all different! They… operate differently, that’s for sure. And they evolve, too.

It can really be a problem in society, sometimes. I remember this example in a company, given in a French book written by B. Millêtre (“Petit guide à l’usage des gens intelligents qui ne se trouvent pas très doués” – “Little guide for intelligent people who find they’re not that skilled”).

A big meeting : a new big project is exposed. 95% of the audience who consider things in terms of causes and consequences – “If this, then that” – will nod (or they are angry if it’s more work for them, haha). But there’s always one or two guys who will raise a hand because they immediately detected the flaws in the new organization. They see patterns, structures, they can almost “feel” the forces in play : the Big Picture. And of course, they will be taken for a pain in the neck.

Gifted is not necessarily socially gifted, right?

Have a nice day!

JP

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