Instant Oyster or Tent?

There are so many way, for humans, to protect themselves from stress.

Many will fight, “Up and at’em!!”. Others will run away – and that’s often smart!

Most thinkers know that against stress there’s one good solution: flee from the source of stress.

There’s another one: realize that stress does not exist in reality, but only in our brain, that stress does not penetrate your body through an ear or a toe, but that we secrete it.

OK, but now we all know that we sometimes have to deal with it. There’s no way, now, to escape.

Let’s not talk about fighters, we’re all introverts here, right?

To protect me against stressy people or situations, we can also oyster.

An oyster is a mollusk in a shell, a closed shell. When you oyster against stress, you stay here and nobody notices you’re oystering. You now just contemplate bullshit like a wise koala in its tree, maybe even smiling inside…

There are subtleties in the way we can oyster.

• We can tent, the famous “instant tent”. You just need half a second to instant tent. Hop and vroush, here you are.
• We can spider: in a hole we hide, there’s nothing more than a string that connects you with reality.
• We can ice, too: immobility of the mind.
• We can tree, wise and vast and upstairing, talking to birds and clouds and the sun, solid on roots…

What do you choose? Where (Work? Couple? Parents?)? Is it effective? How long?

Thanks for reading!

2 Lists about Motivation

Motivation? Cool!

WHY do we do things? HOW do we motivate people (at school, at work)?

There are books about that, don’t worry. Today I give you two lists around the concept, extracted from a new French book.

ONE

In human sciences, psychology or even pedagogy, the concept of motivation is often ignored or despised. Because :

1. Denial : Motivation is a useless artificial concept invented to describe states one can’t explain.
2. Indifference : The idea of “something makes us act” is an evidence, but what could we do with that?
3. Resignation : Pessimistically – “you’re motivated or you’re not, that’s all”.
4. Incantation : Optimistically, but the same thing – we’re motivated by a mysterious “energy” which automatically push people into action.

I find so funny and great to list reasons why people are NOT motivated to study a concept like motivation!

And I wonder where we could use this list of “We don’t, because…”.

TWO

In another part of this Preface, I found a list of Old Big Systems (like Structuralism, Marxism, etc…) which, in the XXth Century, studied our concept.

Our citizen, our subject was studied these ways :

1. The Subject-Habitus, poor one, is alienated by his existence, his social class, his position in culture and economy, he is the propensity guy.
2. The Subject-Pulsion, the happy idiot, is the puppet of his complex unconscious subconscious.
3. The Subject-Response, a behaviorist, just reacts to stimulations from his environment, he is conditioned.
4. The Subject-Demiurge, a humanist tending to fulfill himself in his all-empowered freedoooommm.
5. The Subject-Arbitrator, the haecceitist, aware that all his life is a combination of changes and possibilities, whose plays with intentions, proposition, emotions, thinking, obligations and goals. He is the co-author of his own story.

We didn’t even talk about the Theory of Motivation in itself. Maybe later?

Thanks for reading!

Bosses of anything

Who’s in charge? The bosses, the top managers, the principals, the directors!

The boss of anything (military unit, school, store, hotel, museum, company) has to deal daily with plenty of poos : managing the managers, financial movements, meetings and decisions. Hard work!

Some are good, some are bad, but today I draw a line between two other categories, the line is a question :

Do they know the field they’re working in?

It’s a real question, because of course we all know plenty of ignorant bosses. They are maybe good in certain places of their position, after all!

But you knowwww, you see where I’m going : can you be a good army general if you know nothing about warfare? Is this school principal a good manager and decisions maker if he’s never been a teacher? How to you pilot a bookstore if you don’t like books? And what about politics?

They CAN, proof is there are plenty of these dumb fishes in our funny world! They have to make terrible things : make decisions, knowing nothing.

Happily, there are forces which can counter attack these :

1. Some of them ignorants are smart enough to listen to those who work.
2. Workers have the possibility to slow down stupid decisions.
3. They can also hide the proper things to do.
4. What else?

If you’re in charge, and you know not a spoon about the field you’re working in, be proud, you’ve come to a good position – and don’t expect respect from the guys on the ground! Do your job, get paid, try to limit your capacity of pain and nuisance. That’s already good. Let people work…

You could of course find a more logical position (where are you good at?), but if the money’s good, you’re good. Right?

Thanks for reading!

Objective Ns of little happy baby goats

One of the most stupid and dangerous diseases of companies is evaluation.

There are books, entire books about this curse.

Today, everything about your work is measured with percentages and numbers…

And people in the field know that this doesn’t show anything.

I wrote an article about the N/N-1 stupidity : N/N-1 Business Bullshittery

So today if you accept that game, you work to “make numbers”, not to work well.

For example : for a moment French police officers where “evaluated” according to the number of identity checks they made in a day, which led to absurdities, and they complained that you shouldn’t check identities to “reach your objective”, but when you perceive you should do it.

So a “good” policeman was the one who goes over his objective, and the “bad” policeman was the one who just work normally.

When you’re under a hierarchy, you have to understand it’s a play, a game. You can run and jump like a little happy baby goat, of course, to “reach your objectives”, or you can perceive what’s under, and do your job the best you can (it’s the deal).

That means that you don’t expect to be valued correctly. You’ll be valued negatively, most of the time, because you don’t reach your numbers (which will climb next time if you do it, as you can expect). You thus have to be valued… by yourself.

Work well, and smile in your belly.

Thanks for reading!

Digits Masters Detrimentors

 

Introverts Network in Terrible Meetings

The INTM (Introverts Network in Terrible Meetings) is well known by introverts, INTJs and other 5s (Observers in MBTI).

What is it?

There’s a meeting, and the common bad idea of making it “funny”. It becomes a mess made of (poor) jokes, (cheap) company puns, “teams” and games.

The crowd reaction is mainstreamly watchable : people have fun! Yeyyy!

They want to win the “challenge”, they laugh, they rush headlong, happily.

But you’ll always find a few bad elements : the introverts, the sensitive persons who hate noises, jokes and games. They want to be alone and think, they want to work in small quiet teams. They watch the luring “game”, don’t believe in anything of it, they don’t have fun AT ALL.

Pretty quickly, they notice each other, they watch each other, internally rolling eyes, internally facepalming. It’s a network, an invisible one.

For whom these meetings are a pain in the… brain…

Have you been there? Oohhhh yes!

So what?

1. If you’re just a pawn in the machine, just shup your fuckup and wait. The end is coming. You can watch around and have “your” fun by sorting types of humans and telepathying with others. Or inner retreat like a spider in her hole, linked to reality by a thin tenuous yarn.
2. If you’re from the other side : please invent less vulgar & cleverer ways to inform people – we see and we know what you’re doing you know?).

 

Thanks for reading!

Company Business Mode : “Grab the most you can, haphazardly”

When you head a business, you have many modes. Being cautious, aggressive, fast or thrifty – it could be artificial and funny to list them.

For example we could study the “Fast & Small Unit” mode. Imagine there’s a snow storm in Marseilles, South of France. It never happens, so the whole city is disorganized. A guy working in a garage takes a huge truck, buys hundreds of snow-tires kits, parks it at one entrance of the city with a billboard, and makes a fortune in one day.

Today I study the “Grab the most you can, haphazardly” mode.

Imagine you own a toy store. As it’s trendy, you decide to sell LPs, vinyls, big quantities, big money. Yeyyy!

On the whole, you have two ways :

1. Build an annex, hire three or four music fans to buy, organize, present and sell your vinyls and make big money, becoming the great place to be to buy records.
2. Build nothing, hire nobody, order tons of random vinyls, put them in heaps in corners or in the middle of toys, command your toys specialists to take care of all of it, and grab the most money you can, haphazardly.

It’s funny to watch the consequences of 2 :

• Your team will be exhausted.
• Stressed by questions they don’t have the answer to (they know how to sell toys, but they are not record dealers).
• Your assortment is wrong (“someone” bought the LPs for you and doesn’t know who your customers are and need).
• Your clientele will be furious (it’s badly organized and the employees know nothing).
• Your toys turnover will be dipped in many ways (your store is in chaos, you lack place of toys, your employees are in burn out and don’t have time to do their work properly, etc).

But well : you’ll sell vinyls now, right?

You see what you win, but you don’t realized (or don’t want to) what you lose. What are the consequences? How is it inelegant/uncouth? Looter or capitalist scavenger? Why this fear of doing things properly? How to act within this Universe? Who shall wash the dishes?

Who makes more money in the end? 1 or 2?

– Hey Mister Lego, in which Lou Reed album he sings tululuuuuuu?

Thanks for reading!

Organizing Withdrawal

Seeing to Finesse amid Chaos

The “Titanic Octet” state : stop panicking & arrange twinkles

An embarrassing rigmaroling douchebag : the ambitious

Y’all workers know the type : bossy boots, low level managers and tinpot dictators. They are proud to have their cap. They are useless and painful, and voilà. There are many ways of dealing with these donkeys, from murder to indifference by way of traps and other methodical counter-attacks. Weapon of choice!

As pronounced the wise man : one can take everything, but they won’t have my soul, EVER.

 

Nope, the douchebag of the day is the ambitious. It’s another type (though they’re cousins, right?).

The ambitious is at the bottom, but he wants to climb in the hierarchy. The ambitious has plenty of self-confidence, and a big, wooden, stubborn, strongly nutty stupid head. Watch him :

• He lies. He reports and denounces. He has/fakes seriousness. He always seems “busy”. He is a bit agitated, like a hen, when a manager is around. He has “ideas” : the ambitious he is, and he has :

…the whole rigmarole, the whole panoply, the whole outfit and the whole shebang!

 

We ALL know the type, right?

What do they want, each of them?

The cap, silly! A little power that would make them important.

There’s no need to analyze further. It’s just another “bad sign”. Watch them move and talk like a living donkeypoo, but not too long. It’s too… embarrassing and somewhat gross, like a infirm hirsute farting dirty spider…

 

Have a nice day!

 

 

 

N/N-1 Business Bullshittery

ONE

Evaluation based on numbers is a bullshite minefield. Each steps spurts numbers, statistics, calculations.

Which mean nothing but bring managers the illusion of mastery.

Digits Masters Detrimentors

TWO

The N-1 bullshite is one of most simple bullshite poo of the business world.

“Last year you made 100 – this year you make 90 : you have obviously a problem, come to my office”

But :

1. Contingency : Maybe last year you got an unexpected big order from another company, and without this order you would have made 60, therefore you’re doing great today, but it’s hidden in numbers
2. Market’s vagary : Maybe the “hit” you got last year is postponed this year for the month after, therefore you’ll hit the roof in a month
3. Thus, prepare to have a “problem” next year, because of the N-1 bullshite
4. Non significant : Maybe the “analyzed” field is too little : for example you sold 4 staplers in August 1976 and 3 in August 1977 so you’re at -25% – maybe you’ll sell 5 in a year and you’ll be great (and you become an “erratic employee”)
5. Events : “Your stock is too high this year (+35%!)” but there’s a reason your manager ignore (there’s a big event in two weeks and you’ll sell every single piece)
6. Not mastering the whole world : Maybe you’re at +135% but there was a shortage last year and it did not depend on you
7. Purpose : You have a shitty manager, so you make everything possible to get him bad number-indicators… but do a great job out of numbers.
8. Lazy colleagues : you’re alone mixed up with a team.
9. Reality hidden by numbers : a lazy guy on a trendy field has good N/N-1 with a lousy attitude which spoils the company’s reputation (get +35% but could have made +60% with a better work), and a great team on a transitioning market gets lukewarm N/N-1 but does a great job for the company, and prepares a bright future for business.

 

Do you have any ideas I could add to this list?

THREE

Numbers are an illusion. They “show” a simple reality, most of the time completely out of the real world, which is moving, multiplugged, complex, and human. Numbers and percentages hide things. They lower your comprehension of what happens.

Talking to people is better. Being smart too. Let % flow around idiots. Have fun.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Instagram : mariakdolores

 

Digits Masters Detrimentors

Example 1

A film distributor hesitates about what to do with a foreign movie, thus it puts it in a few avant-garde theaters in three big cities of the USA, and makes big money, and is very happy about it, then pulls it out.

The distributor doesn’t realize the movie fiercely agitated social medias and could have made 20 times more money with a larger proposition across the country, and much much more if it let is spread by word of mouth.

Example 2

His job is to sell concert tickets 8 hours a day, he’s asked to also sale an insurance fee with each ticket. He sells 3000 tickets a day, 35% insured – which is pretty good.

While he takes a 15 minutes afternoon break, someone takes his place for cover, sells 10 tickets, 5 of them insured – 50%.

The cover guy gets big congratulations by the boss : 50% is better than 35%, right?

Example 3

Google “spurious correlations” to find hilarious graphs that “proves” that there’s a link between “Per capita consumption of cheese (US) correlates with number of people who died by becoming tangled in their bedsheets” or “German passenger cars sold in the US correlates with Suicides by crashing of motor vehicle”.

Then be afraid, because it happens all the time in your company.

Example 4

In a medium size city, a DIY and artists store’s boss puts a book & stationery corner. It’s pretty rare, and people come from the everywhere around to buy a magazine or a book. Each of both activities enriches the other.

A new boss arrives, watches the turnover, assures that it’s not that much, then closes the corner. Then complains the whole store revenue slowly decreases…

 

TOOL/DIAL :

Evaluation. What is it? If in one’s job one has to analyse numbers, one has all the chances to understand NOTHING.

Digits give the great illusion of mastering things. And it’s just wrong.

When a “manager” watches bunch of numbers without meeting, asking, listening to the people involved, he’s just a happy jumping goat, an ignorant.

Therefore he’s ridiculous, embarrassing, and detrimental.

What is important is not measurable with numbers.

 

Thanks for reading! (sorry for my English…)

Oma Maa & Absurd Rules

I’m listening to Oma Maa, Op 92, a great cantata written by Sibelius. These choir & colors!

Now I think about Holst (very similar music with choir), about Northern countries (Finland, Norway, Sweden) and the lands…

I talked today about Baudelaire with my daughter. He is probably our best French poet ever. And an enemy of classicism, because of… all the rules involved. Invention needs to break some rules, right? I remember my Philosophy degree exam : “Is it a progress to not believe?”.

I’m reading a book called Absurd Decisions III : Hell of Rules.

And it’s hilarious! They asked people working in a company, in North of Europa, about… Rules in the company.

• 3% often use the books of rules
• 50% never use them
• 47% judges the rules unrealizable
• 29% think the rules are there to punish them in case of problem
• 95% think that if the rules were respected the work would never been done in time
• 79% think that there are too many rules
• 70% judge that they are too complicated
• 77% think they are sometimes contradictory

Normative Perversion…

Ignorance of capacities, invention, intelligence, adaptation, life, movement…

Management out of reality, cut from people, illusion of knowledge, lured by digits…

Are you a rules-follower? Worse : Are you a rules-inventor? OK : what do you have to do now? A survey?

Beware! Bigwigs are visiting!

CEOs and other bigwigs visit one local office, a local store.

They are surrounded by the local chiefs and managers, like butterflies around a lamp in the night, who laugh too hard to the Big Chieves jokes…

Right? See it?

But of course, the bigwigs warned they will make an appearance. The “important visit by the important heads” was scheduled weeks before!

Thus, for and since days, everything has been hidden, fixed, changed, modelled… to please the elephants.

Finally, the place visited by the pointy shoed top managers and their staff has NOTHING to see with the “real place”. It’s now like a decor.

More : bigwigs talk only with local bigwigs. It’s almost a rule. Emperor not talk to proles and plebs!

 

TOOL :

If you were a smart BigWig, you would/should :

1. NEVER warn you’ll visit your stores and offices – Surprise!
2. TALK to common people, longly, in private, without any managers around

 

That’s all, folks! That simple! This is a double simple way to know what’s really happening there…

But do you want to know? Or do you like the fake “as if” masked game everybody’s playing around you?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Instagram : _bodylanguage_

 

 

Understaffing Bullshittery

Well, we all know this “trend”. Nowadays, all bosses understaff.

Imagine you have a pretty diner, you work with 6 employees, including a cook, waitresses, etc… It’s a good business, and you make good money.

As you’re a capitalist, you want MORE money, right? Thus you fire 2 employees for no good reason. More money for you!  You’re rich!

But you’re not : your reduced team is stressed out, it’s too much work, now. Clients have to wait more, the quality of service collapses. Clients abandons this diner. They go in another one. You close, you fire everyone. Good to you. Hang yourself, Billy, because it’s too late!

OK I’m not stupid. I know the trend. Less employees. OK. Why not? It’s crisis time, right?

But don’t expect the work to be done properly, silly!

If you need 50 persons to do the job and you use 40, that’s OK. You’re the boss, after all. But please don’t mimic surprise and stupefaction when everything falls apart : quality of service, stock, whatever you want to “measure”. You put people in a mess, and they are NOT idiots. People on in the field know exactly what’s happening.

 

I know, I’m a dreamer. I dream of intelligence.

1. If you expected the job to be done correctly understaffed, you’re an idiot.
2. If you know that it’d be a total mess and you rebuke them in a fake surprise, your an asshole.

 

There’s a way out, manager!

HIRE some guys! Let’s do it properly, OK?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Entering Business Schools Duplicity

Hi everyone,

I talked a long time yesterday with a mother, whose daughter was preparing prestigious Business Schools competitive exams…

…and interviews…

…and tests…

We agreed on this :

Out of the “knowledge” part, the whole thing is rotten. Most of these 19 years old kids are not ready to be big managers and negotiators. Therefore they have to train to FAKE.

 

I had conversations before, with guys who organize this kind of stuff.

Logic tests, they say, are so tricky that they’re not used to pick out “logical persons” AT ALL, but to handpick the… guys who are able to train themselves to do stupid logical exercises.

Or with this teacher in a big institute, saying that what, in fact, they train students to look the part – nothing more – for at least 10 minutes, in front of any specialist in the world. You know a little of everything, a surface.

 

Well, in a way that’s common sense. You swallow knowledge, but in fact you know nothing when you begin 1/ your curriculum 2/ your career. That’s not really a problem, and we all know that we mostly learn on the job, as you go along, with time and meeting people.

 

At the end we agreed on the fact that all this system will have the tendency to move aside and rule out a whole part of people who could probably be good (or great) for the courses, for the jobs.

Those who don’t like to fake.

 

Thanks for reading!

Marcus Aurelius VS bad management

“If only the bird with the loveliest song sang,
the forest would be a lonely place.”
John James Audubon

Ahh… “If only…”.

In France we say “Avec des si on mettrait Paris en bouteille” : “With “ifs” one could put Paris into a bottle”. Makes sense, I suppose…

Bad management is pretty common. If it’s too bad you have to quit, right? It you don’t, you have to deal with it. That simple!

Some managers are lazy, or weak, or just plain stupid. Some are violent, unsteady, irrelevant or beyond understanding.

You can’t fix people, but you can fight, say “It’s enough”, etc. It’s a path, you can go N+1, or use the Union, or make a team with colleagues : I’m not talking about that today.

In front of bad management, you can choose 4 paths :

1. Have a good ulcer. Or a breakdown.
2. Find a way to deal with it.
3. Fight back.
4. Quit.

Here, Marcus Aurelius is useful :

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

OK, here’s my tool :

1. Focus for a few minutes and think about what is your job really about.
2. You’re paid for that, therefore do your job, the best you can.
3. Consider management as the weather.

That’s all.

• If you sell things, your shelf displays must be clean and interesting. Vegetable, flowers or books. Great displays. Focus!
• If you teach, your students must listen and understand, and if they love you, you’re good. Invent tricks and watch them.
• If you’re a journalist, write great articles, captivate your audience and do your best. Blossom smiles!
• If you’re a truck driver, drive well and pay attention. Do your job and listen to some good music.
• Etc. Etc.

Management?

WEATHER

It’s sunny? Good! It’s a storm, it rains, it’s cold, windy? Whatever! GOOD!

You can’t fix people. You can’t fix the weather. Focus.

Do your job, JtfC!

Have a nice day!

Tricks & Ropes : Two Apprentices

ONE

A Method is ideal, it’s a model, it’s abstract, transmissible and transferable, you can teach it. It’s logical, manageable, and you start from yourself to apply it.

TWO

There’s this new apprentice. He’s young, fast, has instinct, he’s casual, but clever. He’s doing pretty well!

But :

THREE

Of course, as soon as you work with life & its pertained complexities, things begin to hurt, to squeak, to skid and to run out of control eventually. One gets stuck. Two… crashes. Both are surprised!

FOUR

If you’re the person in charge, you have to deal with these apprentices. One has to learn suppleness and how to find colors. Two has to learn methods, to canalize.

FIVE

In French we say “Avoir du métier“, “To have some skills from working experience”.

• Methods are effective quickly if you work on algorithms, on computer programming.
• Instinct is great if you draw, take pictures or write poems. You go girl!

But :

There’s always this “stuck moment” where they understand (I hope so) that they have to learn the other skillside, THEN to learn how to build their own engine with both.

Both have to learn the ropes, the magical ones and the logical ones. One has to learn how to be like water, how to adapt quickly. Two has to learn rules (even to bend’em), to find where the levers are…

 

A diplomat, a teacher, a therapist,

 

This Patterntool can be used to study : Diplomacy, Teaching, Photography, Marriage, Poetry, Writing, Architecture, therapy : in every job involving humans or creativity, your skill is made of strict methods AND the fast ability to watch and adapt to the situation.

 

One question : in your field, on what platform of the scale are you?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Backwards Propaganda

I have a good example : advertising of radio. It’s so bad, so wrong, so ridiculous that you facepalm and promise yourself to never buy it. EVER.

You’re in a big store and there’s a “commercial announcement” in the loudspeakers. But the voice hesitates and makes mistakes : a disaster. And it goes on, for days, weeks and months. Flee!

It’s almost all the same for propaganda. When the audience is aware (and that’s not too difficult with this mess : big statements, systematic criticism of the “enemy”, exaggeration of successes), all you reap is inner sarcasms, facepalms and rolling eyes.

So yes, the audience is this “You can’t be THAT stupid, right?” state.

There are entire books of jokes “under communism”, and they are hilarious.

Where else are we confronted today to this overboring crap? Companies slogan? Ads?

Propaganda SAYS something about the propagandist. What is it? What do you do about that? Run away? Indifference? As if enthusiasm if you have to? Inner LOLs?

 

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

Miles & Pina : Enigmas and what their message addressees make of them

Wandering into a book about Miles Davis, I found one entry : Enigmas. As a director, he indeed oftenly told strange phrases to the musicians he was playing with.

He quickly told, during a concert, “Don’t play the butter notes” to Herbie Hancock, who had to guess what it was about. To forget the fat, the obvious notes, play dry?…

But also “Implicit in Davis’s advice is the counterintuitive idea that having fewer options actually expands the creative possibilities available to a musician, because you have to work extra hard to make up for the absent notes.”

Therefore : a more aerial game AND creativity triggering, from and after a five words injunction!

 

So I think about Pina Bausch telling “I chose you for your weaknesses” to a tough dancer, as an enigma, which totally unblocked the dancer.

 

There’s one tool here, for team managers, who need :

1. The sense of timing (when to aim, and how)
2. The sense of immediacy
3. The will to disturb someone “in a good way”
4. The Koan talent (find the good phrase to unblock a frustrated collaborator)
5. The director skills (how to opportunely address a whole team or one of its elements)

Analysis or Vision? Logic or Instinct? It’s up to you…

 

This leads me to an end : Message Addressees.

 

To click on enigmatic messages, to understand a koan, to dismantle a manipulator‘s discourse, you have to think, you need to be trained.

If you’re a fast thinker like Herbie Hancock, you accept the good idea, you understand it and apply it with your possibilities and your will. As if someone showed you a window. Let’s jump through it!

Negatively? Toxic communicators and bad managers will often try to define you, to put you down, to trick you with paradoxes, injunctions or enigmatic assertions. If you’re aware of it, you’ll have fun dismantling all these processes at fast pace, clipping along the suite of sentences and putting the dead bones on your wooden desk : Ok this, then that, and oh this too…

Then you do what you have to do.

 

Now I think about strange movies like Fight Club (Fincher) or Eyes Wide Shut (Kubrick), which have the capacity to bore the bored, and to activate some others…

 

Conclusion : Enigmas, good or bad, are good for thinkers!

 

Have a nice day!

 

 

“The very activity of seeking an answer”

Instagram : hornsarahberlin

 

 

KOAN : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C5%8Dan

“A kōan is a story, dialogue, question, or statement, which is used in Zen practice to provoke the “great doubt” and test a student’s progress in Zen practice”.

 

Ohmylanta ! Bad #management ideas

Here are a few bad management ideas to apply if you want your team exhausted, potatosad, ineffective or bored :

• Bossy Tinpot Dictators are the worst pain in the ass ever. One could wonder how they just find the drive to “be” that Type.
• Delation based reports is a plague. You just pick up the worse idiots in your team and give them a little cap. Have your favorites to do this.
• Micromanagement is exhausting. Just keep check on people and give little orders about their job (where they don’t need you at all).
• Incompetence or cruelty? Make you team wonder if your strategy is based on one or the other…
• Give orders without explanations, even if you know that your employees will wonder why you need this.
• Don’t ask your team what they think how things should be done.
• Make your team lose their time (for example to fix your mistakes).
• Give paradoxal orders (a command that would undo the other one).
• Suspicion : just show your team you mistrust everything they do for the job.
• Procrastination is great. Just hope the problems will be fixed by magic. Answer it’s “not the moment to talk about it”.
• Invent useless rules. Watch people struggle.
• Be unreliable. Say A to Bill and B to Bob. Decide randomly in the end.

 

Tool : 

A team is a clock, an engine. There are two types of managers. You can put a little oil here and there, from time to time, and let people work. They all know their job. Or you can add sand.

Instagram : marisharasikoskinen

 

#Management : Why the HECK would you want to have an homogeneous team??

Management is funny to study. You’ll find shelves of books to read about that in every good bookstore. So it stays a mystery why we note so many stupid ideas in all hierarchies…

One of the great GREATEST Stupid Idea EVER is the will, from a manager, to have an homogeneous team.

All teachers in the world know that kids have different kinds of intelligence. Some are visual, others need words, etc. It’s the SAME for adults, silly!

You are a manager. You have a team. NOBODY is like the other one. Some are fast, but muddled, others are slow and precise. Some like to talk, others to think, some are one-task, others are multi. Some guys know how to sell, others are great organizers. Some are clumsy but clever, other are dexterous but dumb as dead maggots.

Let people be who they are! USE who they are. Encourage them! They’re good! The LAST thing you should ask people is to follow the same dumb goal. We’re all different, and if you ask people to be the same and get the same objective, you’re just a fool.

Nevertheless, it’s something you’ll see for more centuries. Managers’ stupidity is bottomless. C’est la life, dear. Just facepalm, there’s nothing much more to do here.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Halloween in June

So you work in a store, a big store.

It’s June.

A truck delivers big packs of Halloween shit.

Yeah! That’s the way it works today…

You’re like a bit amazed by such an amount of stupidity.

But you’re told to present all this.

Halloween.

In June.

You place it. All of it.

Then, it’s, you can guess, a big failure.

Dust piles up on orange skulls and pumpkins.

Nobody buys it.

Until this angry day in the end of August…

When your good manager says :

“Sales not good, send all this back to the supplier!”.

Well, of course your mind could be full of WTFs.

But it’s not.

You don’t expect common sense from this world.

You just don’t.

You send all back.

This is “normal”.

Because, one week before Halloween…

You install Christmas stuff.

Right?

Right.

That’s the way this world goes.

 

Instagram : kloelicious