“I try on stories like clothes” Max Frisch.
In the Abécédaire, Gilles Deleuze explains that one never desire something of someone, but rather desire an aggregate : in desiring an object, a dress for example, the desire is not for the object, but for the whole context… So there is no desire, says Deleuze, that does not flow into an assemblage, “aggregate of skirt, of the sunray, of a street, of a woman, of a vista, of a color, constructing a region.”
I like to keep this idea in mind when love in involved. Someone loves you, but in fact this person loves the project around your story. It’s a bit strange to realise that someone does not love you “as you are”, but loves all the changes and the life you could bring to him or her… Or the money and security and the house coming with the horse, too ! Pure love has its ways…
Think about it when she/he doesn’t love you anymore. The boredom maybe came because the aggregate around you isn’t very funny or doable anymore, that’s all…
I one day read an interview of Claude Chabrol, a well known director of the French Nouvelle Vague, saying that to keep his wife in a good mood he had to “invent projects”. As he had no time, had his own projects (to work on his movies), he said that he had to move to another house every seven years. Voilà !
- To pick up your marbles and go : Reprendre ses billes.
- Battre de l’aile (literaly : shaking a wing) = To be on the skids (or on your “last leg”, which one is better, dear ?).
If you feel that your lover is picking up his or her marbles, your couple is on the skids. Act quickly and invent a project. It can work. A big travel, a new home, whatever. Aggregate !
(If it pleases you, forget the project and try to be a little mean-and-evil : it could help this person to hate you and go away for good. After all, you maybe want your marbles back too, hé hé !)
Thank you Gilles Deleuze !
“I try on stories like clothes”