Signs of Bad Signs : our shades of narcissism

DSM (Manual of Mental Disorders) Labels are frightening. You read the list and you’ll find you have ALL disorders. You’re bipolar, antisocial, autistic and narcissistic, haha, and probably crazy enough to be locked away from society. All of us. All in prison, voilà.

You’ll probably agree that we have all at least a little percentage of every disorder, right?

Today I wonder if I’m not a narcissistic. And all of you in the same basket, so there!!

Wikipedia says :

“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder (…) characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others’ feelings.”

Well, we all need to have this, OK? Cut the “exaggerated” word and here we are : as long as I didn’t reach the oriental “no ego” state, I need to feel a spoon of self-importance to stay happy, I clearly seek approval in many moments of my life, and if I know I’m often too empathetic, there are moments I don’t get other people, their choices seem sooo weird at times…

So I’m 25% narcissistic, is that it, Doctor?

I googled and found terrible things on the web, from “happiness blogs” to therapists articles and I copy/pasted a few ladles of sentences for you.

Une “personnalité narcissique”, c’est terrible! I hope you’ll never meet this kind of person, they seem to be a MESS :

  • They want to be in control and if they can’t they are nasty and biting
  • Perfectionists : “you’re never good enough”
  • Put others down : nastiness as a sport – they have to win – “I’m better than you”
  • “You’re just……………” add here any definition. Labeling you.
  • Pedestal someone to hate someone else (hey, that’s tricky!)
  • Fear of love and other emotions, all of them are “drama”
  • “You have to change”
  • “When things go wrong between us, it’s always your fault”
  • Introverted narcissists : hypersensitive, defensive and anxious
  • “You don’t understand me”
  • Grandiose projects (which lead to crashes, dramas, failures)
  • Never really open (control!), they forbid themselves to be vulnerable
  • Seek appreciation, deserved admiration
  • Selfish
  • “Make some efforts”
  • Use others to entertain
  • Never wrong, never his fault, “externalize blame”
  • “You’re too sensitive” (a label, again : “YOU are”, never “I am”)
  • Use others to get stronger then trash them – “take advantage to people”
  • Accusing others of what they do (“She’s unstable, grandiose, she’s bipolar“)

Oh my. That’s worse than DSM! Run, boy, run!

Thanks for reading. It’s summer!

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Fun of Classifying Personalities

#lilith #movie #blackandwhite
#lilith #movie #blackandwhite

Think how funny it is to find yourself in a classification. En Astrologie, you have 12 boxes. Each sign has characteristics. If you’re a Pisces you are a dreamer, Gemini is fast, Cancer sensible, Taurus slow, etc. You can spend your whole life studying that, or just be funny casual about it, or lazy too : this is a good way to accept your own faults and flaws, no ?

There are many other tools in psychology, helping us to understand who we are, Enneagrams or MBTI, for example. Maybe you’re a leader, or a diplomat, an introvert, an observer, etc. It can be a good way to know yourself, some people around you, a group you’re managing, etc.

One day, you meet another classification, and you’re ready to have fun to put people in boxes ! I just realised that the “mental disorders classification” can be one.

And I would say : OMG ! In French : Oh la laaaa !

Do you have Dependent Personality Disorder Symptoms ?

“Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing need for the person to be taken care of and a fear of being abandoned or separated from important individuals in his or her life.”

Do you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Symptoms ?

Are you obsessed by order, rules ? Do you have superstitions about signs and numbers ? Do you fear to lose control ? Focus on moral ideas and rules ? Do you organize to the level of perfectionism ? Do you obsessively dissect your relationships with friends ?

See me coming ? You see ? Of couuuurse you’re not that a sicko-weirdo ! But, well, maybe a little, non ?

Dials : Have fun in classifications. Find your dials. Watch yourself and grow and evolve… or smile and be lazy with “I’m like that, that’s me !”.

Tool : All these classifications are useful because they invite you to have empathy. We all do what we can, after all. On fait tous ce qu’on peut…

What to Do With Stupid Orders – Que faire face aux ordres stupides ?

OK I’m french. My english is a frenglish, it’s rusty and wobbly, et voilà. Try me, though. I’ll do my best. I promise. If sometimes it’s too bad, just laugh at me or roll you eyes.

If you evolve within une hiérarchie, you have probably at some point faced… stupid orders. What can we do against stupid orders ? We can think, but we can also act.

Of course, we can choose to secrete some of the stress caused by stupid orders into our heads and that’s OK ! Try doing this for a while though and you’ll most likely stop, because you’ll find it’s useless.

Stupid orders make us think.

Maybe we first have to realize that our managers KNOW his or her instructions are dumb, useless, or counter-productive because after all this game of hierarchy is a matter of masks. At points, it can even become humorous to think that maybe the manager is hiding his own embarrassment when he asks us do – that. Donnez-lui un coup de coude (en pensée).

On the mood-dial of our brains, the needle can go from complete zenitudness (you don’t care about the consequences of disobeying stupid orders – you’re the Zen Master) to complete madness and murderous wishes. Alas, in the hierarchic work world, whatever you “think” can become completely useless. So what happens when your tired skull is fighting responsibility?

We play with this, manage it, compress it, try to understand it, and document it… it’s all ours. Maybe you are great at being able to detect stupid orders, however you prefer not to think about it. So then what do you do with the entire keyboard of options in front of you?

1. You can fight and say NO (aaaand… you’re fired. Goodbye).

2. You can try to explain to your manager (or to his own manager if you like danger) why the order is sooo stupid.

3. You can disobey and hide your “good work”.

4. You can just shut up and do the thing (muttering and mumbling in you beard if need be).

5. Discrete resistance is also an option. For example:  Sabotage.  Slowing the process.  Killing the branches of stupidity in silence and hiding your effort to make these stupid orders a partial or complete failure (however this could lead to betrayal by colleagues and your activity might be detected.)

Tools:

It can be useful to try various types of dissonance in an effort to develop your stance.

Inner Exile can be perfect at times. You are simply not there. You hide like a spider in a hole, linked by a casual thread.

Disguised Acceptation is cool too.  You merely say yes (and smile if you want), but you follow your own path.

At the most you’ll be found guilty of being a free electron. So there!

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