Transmission, Propositions…

Yesterday I talked with a grandpa about what we transmit to our kids. Tastes? Culture? Pace?

1. There’s this concept, to explore : transmission. There are whole books about it!
2. There’s this other concept of proposition.

Nature/nurture, of course : the first thing we transmit is a pack of genes. In French we say “Les chats ne font pas des chiens” (cats don’t make dogs).

I said : I proposed things to my daughters, some were caught, but many not. Like classical music, which gave… nothing.

He said : “Some things are transmitted, some are not”.

And added : sometimes kids build something AGAINST…

 

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

 

Proposition

The wish for mentor

Mentor sounds good. It’s not a guru – where you feel it’s toxic, too much, manipulation. It’s not a guide. It’s maybe in the middle…

It’s not a muse, nor an authority, it’s not a coach, not your parents, or disturbers.

I’m reading Irving Yalom‘s autobiography, where he tells his constant need, during his growing life, for a mentor. An adult person who would have “detected” his uniqueness, his talents, his whatever makes one special…

Then, this person would guide you a little, would show you things you should know, and would probably tell your parents (who aren’t aware, of course).

It’s a cousin-pattern of many things, linked to Types,

• like the teacher who unblocks you with a single phrase,
• the uncle who offers you a magnifier (or a telescope),
• the best friend who marks/scars you forever with a single innocent observation,
• the soul-mate lover who disturbed you so much you’re reconfigured in the whole of you, or almost.

Wishing you had a mentor is almost a Type in itself : overthinkers, introverts, shy people, book lovers, quiet seekers.

Everybody needs attention and understanders (and I think it’s why some love stories are so intense), good conversation lovers, listeners, good askers. Here, it’s something else, right? Not sure…

Every other helper I listed here can embody the role of the Mentor… one needs. Someone who gets you, even in a 2 seconds sentence,

1. points you out to others
2. shows you possible paths (doors, windows)

 

Well, we should NOT need that, but… we do what we can!

Have you met a mentor? Have you been a mentor to a kid? Should you? How?

 

Thanks for reading!

There are two people on this picture…

I wanted to write “There are two persons on this picture…”, is it incorrect, too formal?

I talked yesterday with a smart grandma whose son-in-law “just bought a bid deal camera”. We laughed, because the guy always took photos of his daughter, asking her to stop moving or to strike poses.

“It’s not the proper way to photograph a kid”, she smiled…

Indeed! Kids are so alive and funny to watch : you just have to be there around and ready, watching.

This lady was pretty aware and skilled, she had a camera for years and took many pictures around the world. Hence we talked a bit about people who don’t really know what they do…

Hence, thus or therefore? I found https://painintheenglish.com/case/4452/ and now I don’t understand that much…

I took this picture of my Eliette in 2009, she was eight years old, and the way she held her stick was so…

I affirm there are two people on this picture. The one you can see, and the photographer, the observer, the watcher, the guy who is focused and ready, who lets go and watches out for…

For what?

For what “happens”, or for what he wishes to capture (and to show)? There a dial to watch here…

I always have in mind : Intention of effect kills effect, though I think I can count of other people’s indulgence.

The watcher or the future watcher (who can be the person on the photography, right?) will have to decide where to place the dial : to guess who is on the picture and what does she think, but also : what did the photographer wanted to show? What did he see? Why?

Thanks for reading!

I told you soers & other uneasers

My daughter is 17 years old. She told me yesterday that I taught her a good lesson one day, and she remembered each of the words I said.

I do not remember “each word”, but I’m not surprised I told her this!

When and if one day you have the possibility to unease someone with your words, don’t do it.

Well, that seems obvious. I saw and heard it myself so many times, though…

For example, when one has the possibility to say “I told you so”, one should stay quiet. “I told you so” is a stupid simple way to tell the other you’re smarter. So what? It’s done, and the lesson is probably learnt, and your pal doesn’t need or wish to hear they’ve been stupid.

“I told you soers” just prove they’re, in fact, weak. They need to big themselves up. Probably because they’re not confident enough?

 

Unless for mean persons, they are other moments we should just keep quiet instead of jumping like a spider to wordhurt someone. What are these moments?

Other question : What happened which made my daughter remember this so precisely? Was it after kids drama? Have I been solemn or serious about it? Do your kids feel when you’re talking from somewhere deeper in ourselves?

Thanks for reading!

 

Kids & Storytelling & Cessation of the Doubt

Kids like to be entertained. As a teacher, as a storyteller, or as a parent sometimes, you need to “get their attention”. Yes, maybe, to be a teacher is to be an actor?

In Fanny & Alexander, a movie by Ingmar Bergman, a worn chair is told by the father into the world’s most valuable armchair to a doubtful bunch of kids. Power of imagination! You see sparks  in their eyes…

When he wants to destroy the “throne”, at the end of the scene, the kids SCREAM!

BUT ALSO

Kids know they are entertained, but they play the game. It then becomes the essence of entertainment : Cessation of the doubt – or suspension of disbelief. They know you’re embarking them, but they like it. They dive into your story.

It’s not an “as if” attitude! It’s a “Oh I’ll be entertained!”. It’s an openness. They go for it.

Once they’re in your story, they follow, they’re happy.

BUT ALSO

Kids are smart. So… in one second, you can bring them back to reality, you can waltz between the terrible witch, Dorothy, and… yourself back.

My opinion here is it’s smart to use this intelligence, to be aware of it.

They believe you, they don’t want you to burn the magic golden throne, but at the same time, they know.

The tango between “You’re in the dream of the story” and “You’re aware I’m an adult playing with your mind” is an elevation process.

Thanks for reading!

Elbowing the Audience by killing the Suspension of Disbelief

A little snow time for you…

It is possible, in the end of June, that you’re too hot these days. Here a few photos I took in December 2009 in the North of France. For your pleasure. You’re welcome.

Have a nice day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surmount Influence & Engulfing

ONE (INTRO)

As I write in another language I have to think about questions like :

“What’s the différence between To overcome and To surmount?”

I chose surmount, then I have a problem with “To engulf”. I want to translate “L’engloutissement”.

Of course engloutir/engulf means like in English “to swallow entirely”, but it’s differently charged.

I saw “engulfed by flames”, which makes sense, but in French it’s more about… water. The Engulfed Cathedral is a piano piece by Claude Debussy. Englouti means devoured by water (not and never by flames, for example).

TWO

Novel writers have often the problem to solve : to surmount an influence. All the shades of influence, from the master you read a lot in your life to the big shock of discovering a genius.

William Faulkner, Marguerite Duras or Thomas Bernhard are examples of big styles you have to overcome.

You have weapon of choice : you can stop reading this author, trash the books and mourn over for a while, or you can fight fire with fire (and words with words) : write your own book in this not-your-style style, hoping it’ll empty you.

Then you’ll swim in another water : YOURS.

If you don’t do that, you’ll be engulfed, so there.

THREE

As a father and a reader, I discovered very early that one of the deep primitive danger for a child is to be engulfed in her/his mother’s love.

Mother and baby, it’s a fusion, right? The baby opens to her/his mother, and so does she. They just… merge.

The father, then, has the role to take the kid outside this bubble. From time to time, come with me, boy, let’s watch the world!

It is one way, maybe, to surmount the engulfment of a kid in her/his mother’s love…

FOUR

I think it happens with other people, with love. Friendship Engulfment or Sisterly Engulfment or Marital Engulfment as a possible danger.

There, you’re not… swallowed by the other (though I think it can happen, with controlling people), but by the relation itself.

OUTRO

What do you need to overcome this? A third person to show you paths of the world and the joy of exploration? Fight the bore with the bore, draining it until the ground?

Surmounting Influence is a pattern to watch.

 

Thanks for reading!

Instagram : _bodylanguage_

 

“Biases to Pieces” – when life goes wrong, do something unusual

“More of the Same Thing”, when insisting is a failure

Savoir Attendre – Know How to Wait

 

“What am I gonna do with you?”

Tonight is a good evening. I watched a terribly bad B-Movie (in France we call these “Film Z”, a Z-movie – makes sense?), called Beyond Skyline.

There are two types of low budget Sci-Fi movies. This one is bad. Dialogs like “Move Move Move!”, or “It’s OK! Ok? Okey…”.

But I liked this one, in a way, because there’s a really genuine will to do good. And it’s so bad! Poor guys!

The other type is the Monsters type ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1470827/ ) by Gareth Edwards, who directed since : Godzilla and Rogue One. Monsters was penniless but fantastic, great, inventive, gorgeous, magic!

 

In the beginning of Beyond Skyline I found this article idea :

A father (a cop) tries to talk to his son (a rebel) in the tube (before the ETs attack the Earth, OK?), and he says him :

“What am I gonna do with you?”

 

Oh I love that sentence!!!

And well, this is the subject of this article.

“What am I gonna do with you?” means a lot.

It says something about “a link, but”. About the complexity of life. About love. About something positive (I talk to you) but negative (you’re a mess, man!). This dance of love and bond and difficulties is one of the cores of life…

“What am I gonna do with you?”

What does it mean? What kind of smile dances around it? Why? What is it to be a mess (but I need you around)? Isn’t it the REASON why we like the person, though?

 

Thanks for reading! (it’s my 800th article!)

Conversation, Essays, Eyes

You’re alone in the quiet, at home. You grab a book.

If it’s a novel, it’s perfect : you get into a dream. You see things…

Tonight I wanted a conversation instead. So I picked a book from Siri Hustvedt (The Shaking Woman) and a glass of Chardonnay.

I opened the book in the middle of random (it’s something I love to do) and read great pages about how a new born baby and his mother stare at each other. This deep each other’s look means so much, so many things happen. A bond is building. An intelligence is blooming…

(I remember I did this, with Lili and Eliette, my daughters)

Hustvedt explains that if a mother talks to a baby and waits a little, the baby answers – in his own… voice.

An essay is like having a part of a conversation. The part where you just listen. Just choose your partner well! It’s OK – even if you miss the partner’s questions, the slow ping-pong of spirits.

And the eyes…

I wrote this. Now I’m back to my chair. Bidou the cat on me knees. Hi Siri!

Conversation.

Thanks for reading!

Drawn up Ping Pong : Slow Motion Conversation

Wrong way up for children : Tablets & TV

Parents think that their child is a genius, or at least, “is on advanced for his age”.

Thus, a computer tablet looks like perfection : with letters, words, multiplications, that’s very cool!

But many studies showed something : there shouldn’t be a single minutes of “screens” time before the age of 3. And no tablet before 6.

Child development is a big thing. They have to grow so many aspects! TV before 3 and tablets before 6 is messing with motor and language development, socialization skills and empathy.

I talked many times with speech pathologists who say that screens (TV all the time, tablets for preschooler) are a disaster. And they told me it’s becoming a real problem today…

And also this : “High exposure to background TV has been found to negatively affect language use and acquisition, attention, cognitive development and executive function in children younger than 5 years”

In France, one man (Serge Tisseron) studied that for years. He talks about the rule of 3-6-9-12

1. No screen before 3. Not a minute.
2. TV OK, but no video game or tablet before 6.
3. They’re OK, but no Internet before 9, with a parent.
4. Internet OK after 12, with care.

Before 5 years old, never more than an hour a day.

Google : “screen time children development”

What do you think?

 

#Toys #Portrait #Photography

Some toys I photographed more than ten years ago…

 

Bonne journée!

Surprising Reversibilities

– I owe you so much!
– No no no, it’s I who owe you…

 

1. A therapist takes care of his patient.
2. Stravinsky or Hindemith were influenced by Bach.
3. Someone is watching and analyzing a painting.

All these three examples are simple and clear. You can draw the arrow, right?

We thinkers like to go deeper, though. To find nuances, subtleties :

1. There are many ways of listening, of helping someone…
2. What are the elements which makes us notice the influence?
3. What do we seek – and find in Arts? An emotion? Links?

You can spend months on each, reading books. Refining concepts is a bliss, right? Good!

 

Today I study one thing : reversibility. It’s meeting a surprise “the other way around”, and it’s charged with intensity :

1. A therapist suddenly talks about himself. Instead of listening, he tells his own story. The patient is suddenly captivated. This is a well known trick in this field! Psychotherapists say it gives a stronger link (therefore a power) on a patient. Adding humanity in the bond is a strange and powerful idea…
2. Many specialists come to a point where they see where is Bach in Hindemith, but also that there is some Hindemith (1895-1963) in Bach (1665-1750). Two centuries before, OK, but you can study this the other way around – even if you think it’s “not OK”. It’s a game for spirits, to study how the now can be seen as an influence for the past.
3. An Art lover studies a painting, a music, and he realizes it works in the other way : the piece of work moves him, changes him, teaches him, overwhelms him. You explore yourself through another person’s work. You are amazed by unconscious and historical forces at stake. Your skin (or your guts) are activated. Astonishment is a trigger for your brain. Then, maybe, you’re… slaked (and this can be in MANY ways), right?

 

A child comes from a mother, a father. But parents are also transformed by the coming. In the end, the person who is a child gives parents… motherhood and fatherhood.

Mhhh I like that. You feel that I touch something here, oui? Where, in what other examples can you imagine this reversibility process? Business? Couple? Creativity? Ads? Poetry? Where, when it’s obvious “things are going this way”, could you reverse something? Therefore what?

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

Nipplet Cork Pacifier Drama

In French, we call a nipple “un téton”. And a pacifier is called “une tétine”.

Therefore, you can imagine that we almost say “a nipplet” instead of “a pacifier”. Une tétine.

Makes sense, oui?

I have two daughters, they are 16 and 19, and they never had a “pacifier”.

The reason is : I am sure a pacifier is useless, and vulgar, even harmful.

A pacifier is a cork. Baby’s crying, cork him! Shut him off!

And more : A pacifier, for a baby, is an external solution. Therefore this future human being will never find a way to cope – out of a “thing”.

Later, as an adult, it’ll stay the same. Something else – or someone else – will be the fix. He’ll need a cigarette, or a bigger car, or to buy things, to try to get better. Or eating. Or pills.

A cigarette is a pacifier. Bulimia is a pacifier. Etc.

I stop here. All this cork thing is overboring. Almost as boring as paying someone to drill your nose to put a ring into it – and then you do look like a cow. Feel better now you have one? Happy? Corked?

Sucking to feel safe, it is insane. It’s deep inner drama. It creates a disastrous brain : “I need something to calm down”. Drama, problems, money, intoxications. No pacifier, it’s better. They’ll survive… You’ll survive, and find solutions from the inside of you. Knowledge.

And realizing this : there is no “solution”, eventually.

This is wisdom!

 

Dial : You had one as a kid? Thus now what is your pacifier made of?

 

Instagram : _bodylanguage_

The courage to shatterbreak what’s crackweakening : Chronicle 19

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

H. L. Mencken

 

Le courage de briser ce qui commence à se fêler : The courage to shatterbreak what’s crackweakening.

 

We have a French word between to break and to shatter : briser. So I’ll say shatterbreak, voilà. Briser is often used for glass, but also for the silence : We don’t say “casser le silence” (to break the silence), but “briser le silence”. More : “des bris de verre” are little pieces of broken glass. It seems that in English, “broken glass” contains “little pieces” of broken glass.

I know, split hairs… in four.

 

 

There are two types of spouse : those who say nice things about their spouse in public, and those who denigrate him/her there.

 

It’s a clear splendid day of November and you have two kids. Do you go downtown in toy stores to hear your kids screaming asking and yelling at you to buy this and that, or do you go playing in the sun, watch them running under trees and hitting piles of dead leaves?

 

 

Idea for a story beginning : a TV star meets someone who NEVER watches TV (he doesn’t even own one), who therefore doesn’t recognize him/her.

 

Lures. What kind? What for? Made by who? Oneself?

 

Have a nice week end!

 

JP

 

 

It’s fall! Listen to Brahms! Or Takemitsu…

 

Dare to listen to this really?

 

 

“To Eat Alone”

Some recent events in my life made me a lonely man, and therefore a lonely eater.

When I was a father in a family, I was really happy to have dinner-togetherness, to cook for my tribe, to talk, listen, laugh, and feel the family’s energy around the table.

I’ve been very skeptical when I read about how Americans were losing these daily gatherings of all the big cats around the table. “Everyone is having snacks when they want, everybody’s picking things in the fridge, watch TV or eat in bedrooms”, they said. My feelings were like between “it’s not true, it’s impossible” and “oh these Americans!”.

When my daughters were little, some days I went home late, it was almost time to go to bed : I told them stories, kissed them goodnight, then I was happy to have dinner with their mother, but also alone.

I remember good summer evenings. Two cat babies sleeping, mother cat watching a movie, and me papa cat, with a cassoulet, two slices of bread and half of a bottle of Bergerac wine, eating on a tray, on my bed, in front of a wide open double-window (or should I say “French door”, really?), watching and listening birds and trees in the dusk, sshhh.

Not working on thursdays, I remember I was happy to have meal time alone, eating in silence in the kitchen, listening to the rain outside. On my table : a candle, a corner lamp, and a magazine (about movies). Maybe some Brahms chamber music too. Bliss!

Now I eat alone, but I don’t snack. I never snack, and I’m always questioning my snacking friends in America, opening different little colored bags to crinch crunch and croonch while we Skype. I’m like “Where’s your plate, dear?”. They know I eat alone, thus they’re somewhat amazed by HOW I’m eating alone. Well, that’s nothing special, but I… I’m sorry… I can’t snack. It would kill me under a blanket of depression. It’s almost : “I’m French therefore I need a plate”.

I know better, OK : I have more time, in France. We work less, we move less (distances are… different here – I go to work by bike), and… errr… I think we think that food time is worth it, too : I eat alone but it’s cooked, sliced, prepared, organized. Just a bit. I need it.

Awweee sorry for my bad English. I’m wobbling, I know it. Pardonnez-moi !

Have a nice day! Bon appétit !

 

 

 

 

Pressure & Sabotage, a cessation process

Family. Three kids. Pressure inexplicably put on the eldest boy, who is labelled “brilliant”. “He will become a doctor”, as they proudly say. In the middle of his curriculum, he has a motorbike accident. Or develops an invalidating disease, like sclerosis. As he was not strong enough to say “No” to this pressure, he found another way to stop.

It probably sounds “too easy”, and the accident was just maybe random, but I heard that kind of story so many times that it became really fascinating. So for me it became a dial gauge to watch :

When too much pressure, watch for the accident life will invent to cease it

Pressure can be provided by family or spouse, by the situation, or by… people themselves. When people work too much, sometimes their friends begin to say : “Hey, you’re pushing too far, slow it down, pal!”. In general, they don’t stop. And then you see what life will choose to make them stop.

They suddenly fall apart, have an accident, they become sick. Life brakes for them. From time to time, it’s not even enough! They insist, they don’t understand, they move forward, so they fall more sick or they curiously get hit by a car saying : STOP, for Christ’s sake!

You, my reader, are a reasonable person, but you know… that when you’re VERY upset, light bulbs often explode when you switch on the light. PAF! It not truuuue, it’s impossible, but… it happens all the time, though.

The same way, I saw many times the house stopping people. Too much pressure, too much stress, and there’s a huge leak in the bathroom, a falling chimney, or a fire. The environment is acting silly.

Nooo, can’t be. Right?

Thanks for reading!

 

Instagram : leahminium

Knacks for #creativity & Art Homework

I told my daughters a few tricks when in school they have to invent something and have no idea, in Art for example.

The first one is to play with a face. You can draw this and that, a bridge or a house or a butterfly, that’s cool, but if you take a face and make it weird, you’ll have a bigger impact. Like melting, or too big eyes, or a mouth on a forehead. It’s too easy : one day she copy-pasted her own eyes on her cheeks, 8 times like a spider, and got a 20/20 (you’d say A+ in US, I think), best note of her class.

The other trick is meta. “If you don’t know what to tell, tell about you not knowing what to tell”. So one day she had to write a story and had not clue of a beginning of any story. So she wrote something about a teen in a classroom writing a story. Then… the rest came fantastically easily.

Well, if you don’t know what you could blog about today, tell us about you about blogging, or your blank page, OK?

Thanks for reading!

 

Obedient “to the finger and the eye” is the French “beck and call”

“Obéir au doigt et à l’œil” (“to obey the finger and the eye”) is the French way to say that you’re at somebody’s beck and call.

I found out that it comes from “beckon call”, which makes sense, right? By the way, I learned a word : Beckon – “gesture to come”. 

How do you say that in your language? In common use, what’s the radioactivity of “beckon”? Is it neutral like “to call over”? Or does in imply a little slice of servitude? What are the differences between to yield, to comply, to obey, to submit?

What are the dials and levers here? If you’re at somebody’s beck and call, what does it show? Is it about fear? Power? Is it about persons, or systems, companies?

What about the beckoning person? How come this person expects you to act this way? Has he enough power to get you back in “the right track”? Or does he have to understand that “people are not all obedient”? What a shock!

What happens, in a situation where you’re supposed to comply and you don’t? Failure to comply, disobedience, rebelliousness? Why would you? A frontier has been crossed? Did you change? Did you grow up? Has the whole system changed? Did you change your mind? Why?

In what territory to study this? Kingdom? Management? Spouses? Clients/employees? Politics? Parenting? What are the limits of beck and calling?

 

Kids at 2 in a park : on screen or in life? #parenting

Do this :

1-Enter in a park

2-Sit on a bench

3-Watch around

4-Kids at two

Some :

run, walk, scream, climb, play, laugh, hide, jump in a puddle

Some :

touch mummy’s smartphone’s screen, tied in a stroller

What about yours?

“Vicarious” : How to learn by watching others #pedagogy #empathy

Vicariant en Français. Vicarious in English. What a strange word! It’s a concept and I put it here very simply, as a tool, or a seed. Do what you want with it.

Vicarious : Experienced through somebody or something else.

It’s all about learning, first.

There are many ways of learning. Albert Bandura was interested by one of them : observational learning. A way to learn is by watching others.

Social learning theory : learning is a cognitive process that takes place in a social context and can occur through observation.

Vicarious can be extended to other things.

For example : in the night your eyes can’t see, so you use your hands to “grope for” (en Français on dit “Chercher à Tâtons”, ain’t it cute?).

Vicarious : Experienced throught something else. To replace a function by another.

Think about this now :

Empathy is a vicariance, a Metaphor is a vicariance (a word for another), a Trauma can be vicarious (traumatised because you helped traumatised people), an Emulator is vicariant, and a Impostor is vicarious, etc. Once you have this tool, you can use it elsewhere.

Ref : Alain Berthoz, la Vicariance

 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to follow me!

#urbanart #symetry #abstraction

#citylights #symetry #samurai #samouraï

#warrior #citylights

 

I’m living vicariously through your pictures in Lille…