Possible Rule against Problems

A rule which stipulates that one should never set as a goal to solve totally and definitively a problem.

Une règle qui stipule que l’on ne doit jamais se fixer pour but de résoudre totalement et définitivement un problème.

 

Why?

Was it a “good” problem? What is a good problem after all?

It kept you busy? It makes you think, and evolve?

Problem as a chance?

Solving problem as an exhausting (and idiot) goal? Because it’s impossible?

Accepting and confine the problem? Having enough strength to transform the problem into an ally?

I let you play with this concept a little more. THEN, you can apply the little tool to a real problem : an enemy, a relationship, the evil, something inside you, stupidity, a goal too hard to reach?

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : littlebohoblog

 

Books to awestruckheal your worries?

We all have worries and overthinking hours. We often superthink about “what will happen”, and… OK, there’s a concept here I’d like to present to you :

Affective Forecasting : which is “to predict your future emotional state”. You worry about what you WILL feel, your future emotions, their duration, and their intensity. Ohlalaaaa !

Your mind, like mine, has more superpowers : the capacity to overthink the past. It’s a whole mess, right? You do and redo what happened, and you imagine what you could or should have said or done, etc. You have hours in the night to to that, right?

What to do, que faire ?

Books. You can easily find novels and accounts about betrayals and despair and divorce if you’re in a break-up, about illness if you have some health problems, about crazy job stories if your manager hates you. It’s about understanding. You’d be amazed by what people go through. “We’re not alone”, “you’ll learn from that”, etc.

But there are books about worse situations, which can put your story in perspective and detach yourself from your mess. It’s not about understanding yourself, but about awestruck (waow, THIS is a frightening word!). The OMG books, if you want.

Personally I’d choose something real about WWII or these terrible stories about USSR and gulag. Yes it’s a little awkward, to breathe differently and watch the sky when you think about “worse”, earthquakes, burning cities, epidemics or working class centuries ago. Shit happens and can hit the fan, but there you’ll see that there are BIGGER FANS, much bigger. For gulag, I suggest Shalamov.

Until…

Thanks for reading!

Russian trio to begin :
Shalamov : Kolyma Tales
Grossman : A Writer at War
Alexievich : Secondhand Time

 

#sadness #tears #train #carol

Drunk texts/Sad texts/Angry texts/Sleepy texts

The idea of texting (which is : “words, on phones, between two persons, in real time”) has some consequences.

Emojis help you to color/read sentences, but not all the time.

Beware of arguments in textings!

Texting contains a whole bag of possible problems.

It’s fast : you write and send, you don’t have the quiet comfort of emails, which you can polish for hours or days before sending.

You miss the context, the sound of voice, the eyes, the gestures.

Emojis are false friends. They indicate when it’s humor, for example, but they don’t say about the subtilities. Is the fun colored by sarcasm? Alcohol? Nonsense?

So, as a reader, you often guess well where’s your conversation partner – “He’s drunk, let’s take this in consideration”, or “it’s 3 AM there, I suppose she’s sleepy”. But sometimes, you don’t, you just DON’T!

Someone’s sad. Or had a drink. Or just learned really bad news (but can’t tell you). Etc.

You just have to guess. Build, in real time, your own dials.

The tools are easy to define :

  • Don’t have long serious conversations in texting, it’s dangerous.
  • If you can’t avoid it, be both aware. Meta-communicate around it.
  • If you have to, or if you have to argue, call. Voice.
  • Don’t forget you don’t have the gesture and the eyes and expression of your friend.
  • Therefore, don’t put the other’s speech in serious boxes. These boxes are probably inaccurate. Or invent them alive, moving, mutating, fragile.
  • Listen to your intelligence and to your guts : If you feel that something is wide of the mark, pay closer attention.
  • Never hesitate to ask details, a time to think, or an explanation.
  • Ask for a change of media : email, voice, real meeting.
  • Meta-Communicate again, if you’re hesitating, ask about the mood of your partner.

Etc. Have a nice day! Follow me!

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Overthinking Ways

The memory is cursed with what hasn’t happened, says Marguerite Duras, and that’s a good example of overthinking. In fact, it’s the seed of a whole tree!

What are ways of overthinking? What are the subjects? The past (what it’s been, what it could have been). The future(s). About what you did or will do (or say). And I’ll stop it here : you perfectly know your ways of overthinking!

What are the ways OUT of this curse (which it is, right?). Most books show these paths :

  1. Mindfulness
  2. Dare and do something

Voilà! You just saved a bunch of money! Put these books back in the shelves!

1 Mindfulness is a way to focus on the now (let the past sleep/just enable the future) – well, you can try!

2 Acting-Doing has many good effects, from “keeping you busy” to “stop thinking a bit”, by way of “changing what I can”… instead of thinking about it.

Tool :

Of course you can use another path, which could be “smart overthinking”, taking a wheel (if you find it) to drive it somewhere else, to tame it, to use it, to link it with others – or with books (which is the same), to divide it up like a sheaf, to make it a dance, to fight it, to… What about you?

You go girl! Merci et bonne route! Thanks for reading.

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“Axe for the Tree?” – 4 Ways to deal with problems

I’m blogging about tools for the brain, you know, little things your can apply. Aujourd’hui : la hache !

The Axe is one of them. It’s a radical one. The symbol of : I chop it.

So when you have a problem as a painter, a composer, a company CEO, a friend, a car pilot, a wife, a singer, a blogger, a gardener : examine your problem and you will find that there are only a few ways to deal with it.

  • You can try to fix it (take your toolbox)
  • You can welcome it and use it to invent a better thing (the problem seen as luck)
  • You can chop it (take your axe)
  • You can adapt (accept that there’s a problem : nobody’s perfect)

 

The painter made a pink mistake. He can paint over it. He can use the mistake to add an interesting element to the picture. He can trash the painting. He can keep the flaw and call his painting : “The Pink Problem”.

The composer got mixed up with tracks on his computer and a trumpet played the piano, how wrong! He can fix and put it back to piano, compose a new track full of new ideas lead by the error, he can trash the whole piece of music, he can keep the trumpet mistake and bend the music into an awkward dance.

The CEO hired a guy who’s a bit crazy at times. He can straighten him out in his office. He can put him into a creative team of brainstormers. He can fire him. He can… warn the other employees.

You have a friend, but he made a mistake, or hurt you one day. You can try to talk, make peace, forgive and go on “like before”. You can try to understand what happened, and invent a new way to be friends. You can use your axe and never talk to him/her again, ever. You can change the way you see this person, who is now more “complete”, more fragile, more human : you know his/her dark side.

Tool :

  • The Axe is a powerful tool which just “shuts the door” to a problem. It’s very solemn, but we sometimes have to use it!

We know that other solutions exists, though :

  • you can work on you and adapt, and get richer of experience.
  • you can work on the source of the problem to understand and fix it.
  • you can also tango with reality and understand its imperfections…

Well, you could throw your axe and mix the 3 others, no?

  • Your marriage is drowning in silence : divorce, or change, dialog, make it grow again, find a new, a richer way to live with your spouse?
  • Your blog has no readers : shut it down, or find new ways to get readers, change your way to write, to present it, or just be more patient?
  • This little sick tree in your garden, you ravage it, or you take care of it and accept he won’t be as tall as you thought?

What will you choose?

Thanks for reading!

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Bag of Knots

One day you realise that there’s a day behind you, which you don’t understand at all. A day full of arguments or misunderstanding or bad behaviour or errors. It’s a Bag of Knots. Un “Sac de Nœuds”, voilà. You, with your ability of thinking and deconstructing and put things in order, you dream or you think that you maybe could open the Bag of Knots and watch the knots inside and pick one or two of them. There are strings, visible strings. Knots. Dark places and cores in the middle of the knots. You could fix that, after all. Deknotting by deknitting. Getting things better, and straight. With enough time and method, you could do it. But you don’t, because it’s a Bag of Knots. Let it be. Sitting here in the shadow. Full of misunderstandings. Give up. It’s too much, too complicated. You could fix it, but you won’t. It is what it is. You don’t have the steam. You want to watch in front of you. You don’t want to deknot. Let the bag closed. There’s no deknotting.

(OK, it’s “unknot”, I’m french, sorry 🙂

Tool : Some problems can not be “fixed”. Stop examining. Just draw a black circle on your map. You’ve been there and you failed. What doesn’t kill you…

#oldchairs #chairs #chaises
#oldchairs #chairs #chaises