We all know this : People listen with the intent to reply.
A few people only are able to listen carefully.
- They have empathy
- They think about their level of listening
- They are clever conversationalists
- They shut up, thus you have to keep talking
- They are interested
It works pretty well with the “feeling” part of life, of sharing. You listen to a friend who has a problem, you listen to a colleague who needs to vent, you listen to funny things that happened to the other one.
And it’s good with the “information” part of life : to obtain information, to learn, to understand, etc…
But there’s another level over this “listen/shut up/be empathetic” plateau : The Listener-Asker.
No their method it’s not often found in the good old “quotes about listening” (Google them if you need).
The listener-asker has all the previous skills, and this : they’re thinkers, they’re plugged, plus they dare (and they are pleased) to ask. They ASK. They multiply ask, they take their turn, they can cut your wordflow (because it’s needed, that’s all), they can ask one targeted question, or seven, interlocked into a splendid, fastly crafted and powerful braintool, made up for you.
It’s NOT asking to know more, of for encouragements, to rekindle. It’s not!
It’s about all this at the same time : listening, processing, being empathetic (which is the power of entering into another’s personality and imaginatively experiencing his experiences) then clever-asking.
Asking, then, is a complex and strong power : by asking you show the other one you understood, you help, you deliver, you show you’re plugged, you give a hand for a birth-giving, you hold a hand, you disturb (in a good way), you maybe… make waves, yes. and you offer tools, in an unnoticed eye-sparkling smile.
I know, it’s probably far from what you’ll always hear about listening : “focus, be quiet and gentle”.
When an Asker meets an Asker, well, don’t even try to mess with them : they have their own planet. Let them play. They do!
Have a nice day!