Counseling for couples : “Please become someone else”

Yes, yes, it’s a mess. It hurts. Toxicity and boredom alert! She wants to find the “second wind” of your marriage, le “second souffle”. “Counseling?”, she says? Your answer is YES. You’d better!

Then you have to “tell your story”, then listen to huge bullshbleep from a “professional”, many times.

Then, home, you try to do “as if” – at least for a few exhausting months. You know your flaws, right? You’ll “work” on them. Be ready. You’re on a mission now.

Let’s make it short :

“Please become someone else”

So here you are, with a list of “things to change” for your wife. “People can evolve!”, she says! You have four choices :

  1. You obey. Beck and call. Do that, and this too. Bravo! Your flaws vanished into magic. You will get tears of joy from her eyes, great hashtags on her social medias (#bestmoment #happymarriage), and a little more hanky-twalala-panky, probably. Reward it is.
  2. You really do “as if”. It’s about acting, now. It’s impossible to change really, because of course nobody changes, ever, but you can really do “as if”. You want to keep her, right? It’ll last the necessary length of time… until she sees it. Then you’re on you own.
  3. You say firmly “no”, and you’re done. Conflict and drama. Hold the wheel, buddy! Maybe find another therapist, later. A better one, OK?
  4. You run away and find an easier companion. Breathe. Life is made of dotted lines, after all. Next!
  5. Alcohol, accident, heart attack (or other self-sabotage), or any other boring “I go out” : anything DIY in the garage, work-out, biking, duck hunting. Some people even have two bedrooms!

Your choice?

Tools :

This was of course a sarcastic text. There are good professionals. Most of them are good listeners. They take big money to do that and that’s normal. Then, they will probably try to make you understand this : Your spouse won’t change, you have to accept your couple-dynamics.

“But wait, this means I should change myself ? You just said it’s impossible!”

Well : welcome into marriage!

In French we say :

Chassez le naturel, il revient au galop – “Shoo away your nature, it comes back at full tilt”

Well, I think you say “The leopard can’t change its spots”.

Can he?

 

Have a nice day!

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<< Please become what I want you to be >>

Changing the past is a cool way to be mean

Changing the past is a cool way to be mean!

Imagine you are with an ex-lover. You have a good opportunity to be nasty-bitchy! Of course, you don’t love each other anymore, these things happen all the time, right? No big deal.

But you can add something today, with the help of words :

Change the past!

(OK, in fact you will NOT change the past, it’s not really something you can do, right?)

You just have to tell your ex that… what you lived together was : (here, you have many possibilities : “fake”, “a lie”, “wrong”, “difficult”, “a mistake”, etc).

What you lived was great, at the time, you know it, OK? You showed it and lived it, and you said it too. Now : you just say the contrary, change the past, say you were “incompatible”, or that you “faked it”, etc… You’ll find your way. She just has to understand that she disappointed you.

Of course, this has no other purpose than to be mean, OK?

The consequences are cool : 

  • You ex will have a painful moment of doubt, like “OMG maybe he’s right, it was faked, all incompatibility and blindness”.
  • Then she’ll be hurt by the fact that she could really live all this love story like an illusion.
  • Then she’ll be hurt by the loss of good memories, which will now turn into bitterness. “OH then it was not true??!”.
  • Then, after a while, she’ll remember, she’ll realize that, well, “we were probably REALLY happy”, then she’ll be hurt to realize that her ex told her that… to be mean.
  • Then she’ll be more hurt to try to understand WHY this ex-lover would like to be this mean to her…

Whatever : you reached your goal.

Almost.

Because, well, there’s probably some gold left, in her heart. She knows. And, by Jove!, it was a cool love story!

Well, you can now add some points by talking about how cool is your life now. Without her, of course. Justifies the means. This works pretty well.

The other part (changing the past) does not work for a long time. Gold is there, has been discovered, and no magic (but death) can kill the gold. She already forgave him. She is grateful. Love is a good energy, after all, right?

Thanks for reading!

 

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Halloween in June

So you work in a store, a big store.

It’s June.

A truck delivers big packs of Halloween shit.

Yeah! That’s the way it works today…

You’re like a bit amazed by such an amount of stupidity.

But you’re told to present all this.

Halloween.

In June.

You place it. All of it.

Then, it’s, you can guess, a big failure.

Dust piles up on orange skulls and pumpkins.

Nobody buys it.

Until this angry day in the end of August…

When your good manager says :

“Sales not good, send all this back to the supplier!”.

Well, of course your mind could be full of WTFs.

But it’s not.

You don’t expect common sense from this world.

You just don’t.

You send all back.

This is “normal”.

Because, one week before Halloween…

You install Christmas stuff.

Right?

Right.

That’s the way this world goes.

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Instagram : kloelicious

 

 

The will to make of every single day a piece of art

“Vouloir faire de chaque jour une oeuvre d’art” ?

“Willing to make of every single day a piece of art”?

  • Because I’m smart and I want everybody to know it
  • Because down with the lukewarm and reasonable people they are all zombies
  • Because humdrummingcommute eat work sleep daily routine grindbores me
  • Because I’m afraid of the empty
  • Because it arrows me a goal a structure
  • Because I’m different or at least I feel different from the others
  • Because it positions myself in the artists category it’s so rewarding
  • Because I want to be noticed to be loved
  • Because it’s original and uncommon is good I think
  • Because I need to add some intensity to my life
  • Because without that I’m bored and boring
  • Because I have the slave soul I love obligations and pressure
  • Because to decree oneself rules and servitude is so romantic and exhilarating
  • Because to be a watcher is not enough and I want to be a part of human beings busyness
  • Because I want to reach an enthralling life and without it it is not
  • Because I like to control and organize
  • Because it’s fun
  • Because it keeps me busy busy
  • Because I want to let a mark an imprint

 

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Instagram : eclosion.games

 

Opposite Course/Wrong Foot – Another type of Self Help “Be Happy!” Books

Almost all of these “Self Help” books tell the same thing : be strong, wake up early, don’t look in the past, find new goals, move forward, be mindful, accept the reality, be happy, smile, be positive, have hope, succeed, quit toxic people, surround with good energy friends, build very high expectations and reach your goals, love yourself, you’re perfect…

L’injonction au bonheur / Injunction to be happy, mhh?

I noticed, though, that the most interesting books tells us something else :

  1. It’s always more complex
  2. You are not perfect and you will never be and the path is complicated
  3. The contrary of these “injunctions” is probably true too

Voilà. It’s a game you can activate by yourself. Find the Opposite Course books. Or borrow the typical ones, and, just for fun, try to fight them.

  • Being weak is useful and slows you down from grey or wrong goals
  • Being positive “on demand” is just impossible because you have no cursor for that.
  • Quitting “toxic people” is not easy, and they are not as-toxic-as-that, it’s maybe a wrong opinion, and maybe they can help you in an oblique way.
  • If you expect too high you may just don’t reach it, and you’ll despair…
  • Etc.

Can you REALLY wake up and smile? Every single morning? Don’t you look like a freaky frog?

Allez! Have a nice splendid day!

 

 

 

The only thing you can count on, it’s the change

#change #changement #pattismith

 

 

 

Schmaltzy Frontier : quiet #piano music from Satie to Eno

Cucul la praline is a very common French “idiom” meaning schmaltzy, ludicrously & overly sentimental. You can put this “ass-ass the pralin” on a person in love or on a picture, or… some music.

Quiet Piano Music draws a line in brains. Before the line, you find it peaceful and great, and after it, it’s… schmaltzy!

Of course this line is personal. I love Erik Satie’s Gymnopedies (I chose voluntarily a neutral clip : if you search YouTube, you’ll find plenty of “beautiful” things with flowers and flying birds). On this side of the line, here are the Preludes from Debussy.

OK, let’s get closer to the line. Eno/Budd’s The Pearl is a perfect balance. Satiesque gorgeous piano and ambient sounds. Try Goldmund, or the much more “melodic” Tim Story, which is, for me, the “line”. I won’t go further. No thanks. Cucul la praline.

Funny game : try the other way. Go quiet-but-more-complex (Berg? Boulez?). Nope? Well, see, there’s another frontier.

Tools/Dials/Levers :

You advertise, you compose, you take photos? Do you think about the Schmaltsy Frontier?

Who will watch your work? Where is the audience? Pleased but comfortable? Disgusted by complexity OR by “two much sugar”?

Where is the risk to lose the audience? What’s the worst?

Is there a way to add “complex nuggets” or “ridiculous nuggets” in a comfortable piece of Art?

Where is sarcasm and how will you play with it? What line would you prefer to touch?

Why is something cucul la praline? Too simple? What could be surprising?

#orsanmichele #firenze #florence #gravure

 

Hey, How do YOU keep yourself together ?

The title was tricky to find. I wrote, in my French way, “How do you keep standing up”, but it’s not very very good, right ? “How do you keep yourself from falling apart” is better, but, hem, a bit dramatic, no ?

So I ask you, readers ! How do you keep yourself together ?

So many answers ! You can cuddle like a cat, under the warm blanket of your family.

You can drink or use another substance (food ? drugs ? sex ?) to get a little rid of reality.

You can do sports, of course, it works for many people ! Run, just run. Buy the good clothes before you run, you need’em. Run after something, or after nothing, it works too. Move heavy rocks. That’s good. Be a fan.

You can try to entertain : be a tourist, watch a movie, listen to some music, cook, read a book, appreciate some form of Art. Be creative, if you can. That’s pretty noble, dear !

Oh, I forgot : work ! I’m pretty sure that all workaholics are just big-worried people who run all day to forget they will die… or just the boredom seriousdom of their choices. Be a little solemn with your work. You’ll feel important. It’s VERY good.

You can also spend time with a good friend who, that’s so coincidental, tries also to keep herhimself from falling apart. Then, you both look like two wounded guys in the WWI standing up holding each other walking in the mud.

You can do like me, overthinking your shit, find pattern and structures, inventing rarely effective tools to… keep yourself together, and blog this shit out just to purge your congested head. Color it your way : University-ish, Sarcasm, Humor, Crafty. Guess what I chose today !…

Religion ! Your local God fixes everything.

Help others

BUT

(because, of course, what is interesting here is that does not work, and, blah, you will fall apart, eventually)

In family paradise you slowly realize you’re drowning in your own sugar, juices and secretions. You boil to get out !

Drugs leads to oblivion, but also to stupidity and mistakes. Sports to accidents. Entertain to emptiness. Creativity to the white page. Work means time burning AND money, which can provide “some” happiness, as you know (buying is good do keep yourself together for an hour, and it also works the economy of your nation).

Friends, as human beings, stay a good solution, and they can help you to find (and do together, why not) other ways of escaping keeping  yourself together. Problem is they fall in love with a Prince/Princess, and then you look like nothing in loop.

Religion is good, because it’s mainly following some damn rules. You don’t have to think much. If you feel churchy, the main problem comes from the moment your realize there’s no God (or if it exists, it doesn’t care at all). Then, you fall apart, bim.

Tool :

No tool here. Breathe. Life is shorter (than ?). Find your own way. Dance with all of them. Ask about others. Be kind. We all struggle, right ? Don’t fall. Not today. Not today.

 

Thanks for reading !

#songforaguy