“Alaric claimed that a “demon” drove him against Rome. Every exhausted civilization awaits its barbarian, and every barbarian awaits his demon”. #Cioran #Quote

Emil Cioran (1911-1995), De l’inconvénient d’être né, part VIII :

Alaric claimed that a “demon” drove him against Rome. Every exhausted civilization awaits its barbarian, and every barbarian awaits his demon.

Typically Cioranesque : Two lines, irrevocable, interesting.

This quote contains two things, right? Today I’ll let got the second one, to focus on this :

Every exhausted civilization awaits its barbarian

I think it’s true. I think also it’s a pattern, a dial you can apply on other fields : couple and marriage, companies, partnership.

When this “structure” is done, tired, exhausted, rotten or worn out, many things can happen. The simplest one is to decide to destroy it. But many times – it’s so human – nobody can decide. It just goes wrong, more and more.

Awaiting a barbarian is awaiting an external element, who is new, and has this barbaric quality : he dares, he brings some chaos, or at least some fracture. He disturbs.

Then you extend the possibilities : rebuild Rome or not. Some windows were opened, some doors. You can mutate. You can be lost, cut from the rest, you can dance with the barbarian, you can kill him and insist on the past.

Awaiting another revealer?

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : littlemessofpetals

 

 

 

 

 

When you hate someone and 3 mn later you deeply love this person

“When you hate someone and 3 minutes later you deeply love this person”, makes me think of some 2 French idioms :

Avoir du répondant : “To have some answering”. You have in English “To have an answer for everything”, but the French one is VERY different. It’s much more positive, it’s a skill, a happy skill. It’s great to have a friend or a partner who “have some answering”. It means you can fight without anger, like a conversation game : you know that the other is strong enough to play with you, to say “No I disagree” without anger. “Avoir du répondant” is to be smart, fast, effective and strong in conversation. I would add “joyful” to the list.

In conversation, or in sex, or in dance (tango!), or in creativity. You need nerve, decisions, propositions and muscles on your side, right?

 

Ni avec toi, ni sans toi : “Nor with you, nor without you”. It’s a quirky dance. You cannot stand to be with someone : both will be torn apart quickly. “I hate you, demon!. But you cannot stand to be without this personne more than 3 minutes. Because she/he has some answering : Cette personne a du répondant. It’s great to talk. You’re alive. There’s gold, a bond. Come on… “I’ll love you forever whatever”…

What a strange loop!

 

Thanks for reading!

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The “he must have the feeling HE had the idea” Type

He must have the feeling HE had the idea…

We all met this Type, right? It can be in couple, family, or at work.

So if you have a good idea, tell it to him and wait. If he stays silent, it’s perfect. The idea, like a seed, will go deep in his brain, then one day will come back at the surface, like “Heyy what if we do this?”. His idea. Bingo!

There is a diminished or a cousin syndrome of this Type. If you ask a direct question, a proposition, he won’t answer, or he will answer no. “Let’s go the beach”, or “Let’s have a walk” : NO.

The solution is to ask your question, then shut up and do something else in your corner. Maybe eventually he will come back to you and say “What did you want to do? A walk? Let’s go!”.

What do these Types need in front of them?

  1. If you have normal communication skills, you’re done, you’ll become an annoying enemy who pressure him.
  2. If you understood what’s happening you just follow these little recipes : he must have the feeling to decide everything, he must have the feeling he had the idea.
  3. The best Type you can be in front of this Type is to have no idea, no proposition : just follow and everything will be fine. It’s perfect : just say yes, all the time.

 

Need a label? Narcissistic personality? Control freak? Who knows…

It triggers some questions about 1/2/3, too :

  1. How does he fight back, against direct proposition or idea? Why, in fact? Does it come from childhood? Why a equal-equal conversation would lead to argument?
  2. What’s happening when he understands that he’s been manipulated all along (like when a kid doesn’t want to do something and you say “You won’t dare”)? How to get out of this trap?
  3. There’s a tension growing inside him in front of an obedient partner. Because like everyone of us we like and we probably NEED to be confronted with real propositions. The absence of that can make him spinning around, in need of an impulse…

 

Sorry for my bad English. Have a nice day!

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Instagram : steph__wi_-__lonely_houses__by__sejkko

There’s a “You’re crazy” point in almost every #argument

The “You’re crazy” point in an argument, everybody knows that.

It’s very similar to the Godwin’s Law, an Internet adage which asserts that “If an online discussion (regardless of topic or scope) goes on long enough, sooner or later someone will compare someone or something to Hitler“.

It’s almost a law for “violent communication”. Instead of talking, telling your truth, have “impeccable words”, you just say to the other one “You’re crazy!”, “You should see a therapist”. Or worse : “I’ll put you in a mental institution”. That’s it.

I do think that, at this point, you should stop arguing and take a deep breathe. If you think it’s possible, try to make the other person to talk about himself instead of putting labels on you.

Yes yes, that’s the door to go outside of this.

But… Does the other person want it?

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : itspeteski

 

 

Your Mask of Undiscovered Spy

You have your husband’s email password and he doesn’t know.

Then you discover he cheats on you.

You are a spy!

But if you say it to him, you’re done.

He will change the password!

You know, but you don’t tell you know…

You are masked.

What kind of pain do you feel?

You watch him lie, daily, constantly.

You can even play a game.

Asking questions.

Putting him on the border.

To the accident.

But you don’t want to stuck him…

He would have to confess!

Until what?

 

 

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The frightening path towards #Bipolar Disorder

I had a friend, an artist who designed patterns, motifs for fabrics. She was great, full of fun and passion.

One day she had a big pressure on her, because a great brand asked her to design a whole collection of net curtains.

She worked a lot, as you can guess, and was very stressed out. One night her husband was called by the police : she had to travel by train but forgot to take the other one in the city where there was a train change, and was wandering alone, a bit lost and incoherent.

From this day, she began a strange travel with herself. She had big bursts of angriness, yelling when she was displeased, bursts of enthusiasm – she was “the best” and wanted to eat the world, bursts of depression, staying sad on a chair for days.

Bipolar.

You’ll find everything you need with Google. Here are some elements I learned :

  • Bipolars act crazy, take illogical decisions, they are very stressed out about the consequences, then they become sicker.
  • They are able to spend crazy amounts of money.
  • It’s exhausting for the spouse. Patience is the key.
  • “Grandiose schemes” can burst out in the middle of normal live, full of love and care.
  • Bipolars are not that crazy. They just roller-coaster from slow boredom to grandiosity and endless new “projects”.
  • Predictable they are not.
  • It’s a path, and if it begins slowly, it can get worse…

 

I gathered this list of elements. I don’t forget that we can all fall into this, one day…

  • Racing thoughts
  • Easily distracted, can’t concentrate well
  • Exaggerated optimism and self-confidence
  • Inflated perspective about abilities and qualities
  • Impulsive and reckless behavior
  • Poor decision making, rash business decisions
  • Shopping sprees, excessive money-spending
  • Sexual promiscuity
  • Delusions (holding untrue beliefs)
  • Hallucinations (seeing and/or hearing things that aren’t there)
  • Academic struggles
  • Social isolation
  • Drug or alcohol use
  • Frequent misunderstandings
  • Inability to finish projects
  • Extreme defiance
  • Poor social skills
  • Controlling behaviors
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts

 

This last one is what happened to my friend, the graphic designer…

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#happybutter #hashtags are #terrible

I read many times that the worst social media for some people’s happiness is Instagram. Many use this tool to share their work or their passion for photography, but some people use it to “show how great and happy they are”.

So, as a normal person, if you wander too long on your “friends”‘s Instagram (or Facebook, etc), you can have the impression than other people are constantly swimming into sugar : every single thing in their harmonious life is pretty cool. Happy at home, happy at the beach, happy in couple, happy new car, happy children, happy baking, happy health, #happytobeme.

 

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Two paths, then : you can be jealous of all this happiness and find a corner to cry on your own mediocrity, or you are experienced enough to know that life is not like that.

You know what people feel when they see these kind of posts? Embarrassment.

Like fake smiles are a bit horrible to stare at, reading series of #happybutter hashtags make you uncomfortable. There is absolutely no reason to post shite like this, unless you really need to “show”, unless you’re struggling like crazy, unless you need approval.

If I see a friend of mine, in couple since 20 years, posting things like #lovemylife, #happyhusband, #romance or #bestmoment, I know there’s a problem, and I feel like I’m in Twin Peaks, with a dark sound under the ground : arguments, disrespect, boredom, or this terrible feeling of incompleteness.

Something’s lacking, let show to the world that nothing’s lacking.

 

In reality, the more happy you are, the less you’re on social medias, right?

Thanks for reading!

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#sohappy #goodmood #bestmomentever #healwaysunderstands

 

 

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