Ohmylanta ! Bad #management ideas

Here are a few bad management ideas to apply if you want your team exhausted, potatosad, ineffective or bored :

  • Bossy Tinpot Dictators are the worst pain in the ass ever. One could wonder how they just find the drive to “be” that Type.
  • Delation based reports is a plague. You just pick up the worse idiots in your team and give them a little cap. Have your favorites to do this.
  • Micromanagement is exhausting. Just keep check on people and give little orders about their job (where they don’t need you at all).
  • Incompetence or cruelty? Make you team wonder if your strategy is based on one or the other…
  • Give orders without explanations, even if you know that your employees will wonder why you need this.
  • Don’t ask your team what they think how things should be done.
  • Make your team lose their time (for example to fix your mistakes).
  • Give paradoxal orders (a command that would undo the other one).
  • Suspicion : just show your team you mistrust everything they do for the job.
  • Procrastination is great. Just hope the problems will be fixed by magic. Answer it’s “not the moment to talk about it”.
  • Invent useless rules. Watch people struggle.
  • Be unreliable. Say A to Bill and B to Bob. Decide randomly in the end.

 

Tool : 

A team is a clock, an engine. There are two types of managers. You can put a little oil here and there, from time to time, and let people work. They all know their job. Or you can add sand.

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Instagram : marisharasikoskinen

 

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#Management : Why the HECK would you want to have an homogeneous team??

Management is funny to study. You’ll find shelves of books to read about that in every good bookstore. So it stays a mystery why we note so many stupid ideas in all hierarchies…

One of the great GREATEST Stupid Idea EVER is the will, from a manager, to have an homogeneous team.

All teachers in the world know that kids have different kinds of intelligence. Some are visual, others need words, etc. It’s the SAME for adults, silly!

You are a manager. You have a team. NOBODY is like the other one. Some are fast, but muddled, others are slow and precise. Some like to talk, others to think, some are one-task, others are multi. Some guys know how to sell, others are great organizers. Some are clumsy but clever, other are dexterous but dumb as dead maggots.

Let people be who they are! USE who they are. Encourage them! They’re good! The LAST thing you should ask people is to follow the same dumb goal. We’re all different, and if you ask people to be the same and get the same objective, you’re just a fool.

Nevertheless, it’s something you’ll see for more centuries. Managers’ stupidity is bottomless. C’est la life, dear. Just facepalm, there’s nothing much more to do here.

Thanks for reading!

 

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Halloween in June

So you work in a store, a big store.

It’s June.

A truck delivers big packs of Halloween shit.

Yeah! That’s the way it works today…

You’re like a bit amazed by such an amount of stupidity.

But you’re told to present all this.

Halloween.

In June.

You place it. All of it.

Then, it’s, you can guess, a big failure.

Dust piles up on orange skulls and pumpkins.

Nobody buys it.

Until this angry day in the end of August…

When your good manager says :

“Sales not good, send all this back to the supplier!”.

Well, of course your mind could be full of WTFs.

But it’s not.

You don’t expect common sense from this world.

You just don’t.

You send all back.

This is “normal”.

Because, one week before Halloween…

You install Christmas stuff.

Right?

Right.

That’s the way this world goes.

 

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Instagram : kloelicious

 

 

Obedient “to the finger and the eye” is the French “beck and call”

“Obéir au doigt et à l’œil” (“to obey the finger and the eye”) is the French way to say that you’re at somebody’s beck and call.

I found out that it comes from “beckon call”, which makes sense, right? By the way, I learned a word : Beckon – “gesture to come”. 

How do you say that in your language? In common use, what’s the radioactivity of “beckon”? Is it neutral like “to call over”? Or does in imply a little slice of servitude? What are the differences between to yield, to comply, to obey, to submit?

What are the dials and levers here? If you’re at somebody’s beck and call, what does it show? Is it about fear? Power? Is it about persons, or systems, companies?

What about the beckoning person? How come this person expects you to act this way? Has he enough power to get you back in “the right track”? Or does he have to understand that “people are not all obedient”? What a shock!

What happens, in a situation where you’re supposed to comply and you don’t? Failure to comply, disobedience, rebelliousness? Why would you? A frontier has been crossed? Did you change? Did you grow up? Has the whole system changed? Did you change your mind? Why?

In what territory to study this? Kingdom? Management? Spouses? Clients/employees? Politics? Parenting? What are the limits of beck and calling?

suviriggs_-____

 

Giberrishing management and other relationships

Erving Goffman explored it a long time ago in books like The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. I copy paste wikipedia :

Goffman believes that all participants in social interactions are engaged in certain practices to avoid being embarrassed or embarrassing others. This led to Goffman’s dramaturgical analysis. Goffman saw a connection between the kinds of acts that people put on in their daily life and theatrical performances.

So : life in society is a theater.

In relationships, there’s often a gap between an ideal and… reality. It can lead to drama, or to theater : wear a mask. Acting like you are supposed to do.

In management, it’s the same! One day you realize that your manager is managing as if he was believing his sh*t. And if YOU are the manager, well…

Where else?

Everything is fine, right?

Dials :

So what? It can be useful, to be “in peace”!

Where is our theater? What happens when masks fall, and why? Anger? Steam? Change?

Why and how can we become ourselves suddenly, and what would be the consequences?

 

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : myivoryroot

Incompetence or Cruelty?

When you have to work with people, groups, companies, you encounter…  failure. Something went wrong somewhere, from your manager, or during a delivery, or in whole projects. This is a mess. You got the wrong thing, you’re under a stupid decision, you have not enough, or too much, etc.

This moment when you fall on your ass, saying :

“Are they really stupid or they’re doing it on purpose?”

…is interesting. Because from there you can do many things. You can act, you can try to fix, you can report and feedback,  you can become sarcastic, you can realize it’s too late, you can laugh, or cry, or lament, or have revenge, or to be in rage, or resign…

What I say in this case is :

Incompetence or Cruelty?

And sometimes, we REALLY wonder, right?

Thanks for reading!

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“Be Spontaneous, please” (Can you see my mask?)

“I’m taking a picture of you. Please smile. Nooo not like that! A big, natural, spontaneous smile”.

Everyone understands this example, right? When someone asks you to act… spontaneously, you’re stuck in an awkward grey nauseous mood. It’s called “the be spontaneous paradox”. It can happen anywhere, in a couple, a family, at work : one person requests something that can only be given spontaneously – love, interest, appreciation, desire, tenderness… You’re now stuck in a Double Bind.

Here’s a good dialog from the 2006 movie “The Break-Up” :

  • I busted my ass all day cleaning this house and then cooking that meal! And I worked today. It would be nice if you said “thank you” and helped me with the dishes.
  • Fine. I’ll help you do the damn dishes.
  • That’s not what I want.
  • You just said that you want me to help you do the dishes!
  • I want you to want to do the dishes.
  • Why would I want to do dishes?
  • Why? See, that’s my whole point.
  • Let me see if I’m following this, okay? Are you telling me that you’re upset
    because I don’t have a strong desire to clean dishes?
  • No. I’m upset because you don’t have a strong desire to offer to do the dishes.
  • I just did.
  • After I asked you!

MMMmhh?

Imagine a club, a private club with big mellow armchairs. The boss enters the room and solemnly criticize the atmosphere, and then asks everyone to be a little more gay and happy, “a few more laughs would be perfect!” – Imagine the disaster!… (I saw this one day from a web forum administrator. I tried to explain him, but without any effect).

Tool 1 : Learn how to detect when someone asks you to “act spontaneously”. And beware of this when it’s meant but unsaid, perversely implicit : it’s worse ! Your answer can be multiple.

  • If you try, you just have to put a mask. But it’s not you, it’s theater. Maybe you will have to wear it!
  • You can just say no, of course.
  • Go meta-communication : talk about this, explain the paradox and that you will not stay stuck into this.

Tool 2 : Do you do it? Putting other people into these “Please change and act spontaneously like this and like that“? If you did, can you detect the desperate unease and awkwardness you put in the other’s brain? Can you see the mask?

I will always remember this example I got from Watzlawick, a father punishing his kid telling him “Go to your room, and come back when you smile”. Horror!

 

#seed #wing