The “he must have the feeling HE had the idea” Type

He must have the feeling HE had the idea…

We all met this Type, right? It can be in couple, family, or at work.

So if you have a good idea, tell it to him and wait. If he stays silent, it’s perfect. The idea, like a seed, will go deep in his brain, then one day will come back at the surface, like “Heyy what if we do this?”. His idea. Bingo!

There is a diminished or a cousin syndrome of this Type. If you ask a direct question, a proposition, he won’t answer, or he will answer no. “Let’s go the beach”, or “Let’s have a walk” : NO.

The solution is to ask your question, then shut up and do something else in your corner. Maybe eventually he will come back to you and say “What did you want to do? A walk? Let’s go!”.

What do these Types need in front of them?

  1. If you have normal communication skills, you’re done, you’ll become an annoying enemy who pressure him.
  2. If you understood what’s happening you just follow these little recipes : he must have the feeling to decide everything, he must have the feeling he had the idea.
  3. The best Type you can be in front of this Type is to have no idea, no proposition : just follow and everything will be fine. It’s perfect : just say yes, all the time.

 

Need a label? Narcissistic personality? Control freak? Who knows…

It triggers some questions about 1/2/3, too :

  1. How does he fight back, against direct proposition or idea? Why, in fact? Does it come from childhood? Why a equal-equal conversation would lead to argument?
  2. What’s happening when he understands that he’s been manipulated all along (like when a kid doesn’t want to do something and you say “You won’t dare”)? How to get out of this trap?
  3. There’s a tension growing inside him in front of an obedient partner. Because like everyone of us we like and we probably NEED to be confronted with real propositions. The absence of that can make him spinning around, in need of an impulse…

 

Sorry for my bad English. Have a nice day!

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Instagram : steph__wi_-__lonely_houses__by__sejkko

“Say your Say” – when a thinker’s tension needs a relief

Everybody knows this tension when you have to say something to someone.

You can write a letter to this person and then destroy it. You can organize a conversation because you “have to say your word”.

You can also read this article : “Venting of Paper“.

You “prepare” what you have to say for hours, hours, and days, overthinking your future monolog. And the day you’re on it, it’s even richer than what you prepared. Your mind is propelled by the tension you had in yourself for so long. You reach the end of your say with a feeling of relief.

Until next time, right?

It’s a similar process when you have to think how to write a blog article. You found the idea, you’re in front of your Macintosh, and… some days, it’s impossible : you don’t find the proper way to do it, you don’t find your first sentence, it simply does not move along.

Then you know what? Instead of watching the wall or your lamp like a dead louse, act like when you have to say something so somebody : find a random person around (your mother, your cat, a friend you can call), and explain to him/her what you would like to explain in this article, how you don’t succed, or maybe just ask a few questions, then jump through the first window which will appear in the person’s response. Blah blah time.

Your mind, propelled by the tension of “I have an idea I’d like to blog about but don’t know how to do it”, will do the rest : you’ll monolog, discovering probably new ideas along, et voilà. Then, say thanks to the poor headshaking listener, and write.

You can also read this article : “Get some help from an ignorant“.

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : bodylanguage

 

I didn’t finish your #WordPress article, it’s too long

I didn’t finish your article, it’s too long.

I’m a reader, though. Nobody’s happier than me when I have free hours of reading in front of me!

If I’m seeking information about something precise, I can read for hours, and a twelve pages article “fera mes délices” – which literally means “will make my delights” – you see my point.

But most of the time I wander. I just casualurk on WordPress reader like a sleepy spider waiting to be catchytitled.

You need two lines to introduce what you want to explain. Then if you got me, I pull the string. I go to the next bolded title, because I’m fast, hungry and lazy. I wait for the seed (there’s a seed in your article, a concept you want to tell me, right?).

Someone told it to me one day : people just gofishfor little ideas, they need to find the nut in less than two minutes, because they read when they wait in their car, when they quicklunch, when they’re about to sleep – they read on their PHONE. She was right.

Ohhh sorry, I’m too long, probably. So sorry.

Thank you! Merci !

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Palm of Ordinary Seeds & Masters Wrong : Chronicle 8

Within my reach !
I could have touched !
I might have chanced that way !
Emily Dickinson 

 

For some of us, who have inside a sort of “rush”, a surge, an inner run-up force, there are many ways. You can Huckleberry Finn along a river, you can also Kerouac all along the road, you can choose a passion (collecting – forks or shipwreck books -, throw yourself into sports, politics, veganism or religion, anything that can keep you busy). If you have young kids, you don’t have to worry : these little brats will keep you busy. You can disappear, too, into alcoholism or antidepressants, or sleep. Shopping, why not, if you’re moneyfilled.

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My daughter was in England all past week in Plymouth, including the day people were killed and stabbed in London. You will see plenty of pictures of people in Europa saying “We Are Not Afraid”, and, like Londonians during the V1 V2 Nazi bombing during WWII, we are NOT afraid. I told my daughters to live, to shop, go to theaters and restaurants and have fun with friends. That’s our way to resist : to stay ourselves against idiots.

And yes : spot the emergency exits, everywhere they go.

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When you advise a friend to read a book, to watch a movie, and she or he asks why, you answer : “You will know once you’re on it”. With a certain smile, right?

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When a window is closed, another can open. What kind? What is different? What if it was the last window, closed for ever?

After a big disappointment, what’s left ? Pieces : misanthropy, auto-torture about ideals and dreams, and Art as a shelter.

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What do we do (or think we can do) against an formidable enemy, a wrong energy? What if you can’t resist because it would be stupidly useless? Seeds for an article :

  • Don Quichotte’s mills
  • A drop in the water
  • An attempt for appel d’air
  • Dessiller (open sb’s eyes)
  • Draw maps (for later)
  • Barometer (to warn)
  • Warn, alert
  • Guerilla
  • Witness
  • Grains of sand (in the clock)
  • Breaches & holes drilling

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Map of Variations :

To draw a map is very common. You can use it anytime, on anything. Territory, music, history, love. Then it’s not “really” a map, but a set of informations about something complex, a table, a chart.

Choose a song and list elements : lyrics, instruments, production, place of instruments in the sound, construction. There’s one “another nature” map, though : It’s how all these change and evolve in time.

Seed/Tool : in every chart you find or work on, think about the MoV.

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Feedbacking a patient can have a great effect, I read once. It’s probably the same for teachers, parents… It means : stopping being “The One Who Knows”, ride down next to your patient/student, and talk man-to-man about YOU. This can have a tremendous good effect. Your advice, on this?

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This is a seed for short stories : “When imminent danger is a godsend”. Why, where, how, etc. Your turn!

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Embarrassment when you see a Master out of his domain. Nietzsche’s music? Schoenberg’s paintings? Or someone you know? A great cook trying to fix his car? A genius computer programmer parenting? And so what?

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Sapiosexual breakups are the worse. Because instead of missing an inventing sex life, magic tenderness and a silky skin, you miss a thinking brain, a conversation master, a challenging thinker, you miss questions, surprises, bends and laughs. AND magic tenderness, okay. That’s worse, eventually.

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Eventually is a very tricky word for us French. I know it means “after some time”, or even “finally”. But in French, “éventuellement” means “possibly”, or “potentially”. Well, even now I have to check. Each time I use it. My brain doesn’t not want it. I always want to call Obama on the phone to explain him there’s a mistake.

Thanks for reading! Have a great day!

Jean-Pascal

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Gleaning in loop : the “Gathering Seashells” Type

Some kids turn over rocks. Some don’t – they play ball, they run and have fun.

Some adults gather shells, others don’t – they are busy, they chat, read a magazine.

At the beach you can tan, sport, think or chat, kite or flirt… or you can gather seashells, see the marvels, compare shapes and colors, like a kid you stayed, somewhere inside…

I realized that my little blog was like a little box of shells. I didn’t invent these “tools”. None of them. It’s a little collection of ideas and concepts, things to try, ways of watching, magnifiers for grains, words, seeds… I gathered from a beach made of books, mainly.

Is the activity of gleaning a meditation? What kind of pleasure is it to compare shells? The classification process? Therefore, working with analogy? Bivalves are bivalves… and so different they are each other, right? Let’s go on gleaning, OK?

What type are you?

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“Consider other doors, gallivanter!”

Sometimes you’re less interested by the works than by the theories, discussions, struggles, articles and letters by those who invented it or studied it.

Imagine you’re interested in cubism, or new wave music. You can study the paintings and listen to OMD’s albums, but you could also dislike all of it, and at the same time discovering plenty of good ideas and concepts in the articles, books, letters around these subjects.

Go to France, but visit other cities than Paris. Read a poet, but not his poetry. Focus on trains when you study WWII.

So what? Well, nothing more than :

“Consider other doors, gallivanter!”.

I’d go further : choose a field you really don’t want to like (pick one : Street Art, Turkish Music, history of the Loire Castles in France, early movies of Brian de Palma, African food, or Nicolas de Stael’s paintings), and you go girl!

You could be surprised. Or find harmonic links with what you like, concepts you could apply to your discipline, or other doors to even more interesting territories.

Thanks for reading!

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All the Buoys! When you fell from your boat…

I had a friend, she said to me one day : “I fell from horse”. It was a metaphor, of course, and I liked it. You’re stopped, hurt, maybe wounded. You have to slow down, and wait for the moment you’ll go horseback back, haha.

Well, you can try other moving devices metaphors. If you fall from a boat, it’s like more dangerous. You could drown ! And drown your sorrows in the same time…

Yeah, you need a lifebuoy. How will you do that, and what kind of buoyancy (oh this word!) do you need, little soul?

Watch, remember and think. Watch people around you, watch your past, your parents, friends, colleagues, stars : what king of lifebuoy do they use when then fall from horse into the water? From boat, sorry. Or plane?

  • Some buoys are dangerous or horrible : alcoholism, madness, pushing limits, drugs, workaholicness, hypercontrol (anorexia, orthorexia, religion).
  • Some buoys are… inner : Hope can bring some buoyancy (hope for better times?). Mindfulness can work if you can breathe (and you don’t get asleep). Quietism is cool, if you can build that state. You can call it indifference, OK. You can try!
  • Some buoys don’t work, most of them : you’ll drown. Goodbye.
  • Some buoys work for a small amount of time : shopping, getting drunk, daydreaming about happiness (or imagined bliss), sex, dancing and music listening, voilà.
  • My own buoy is to blog. I use what I see, what I read, to write. It helps me to organize my messbrain. It empties something. And it keeps me busy.

Keeping yourself busy is a good buoy. Finding a new domain to explore (learning a new language, a new art) or being creative (begin a blog, a novel, painting, photography?).

What will be YOUR buoy?

Friends are important. Some of them are sweet and clever enough to “help you with your buoyancy”. One knows how to be there, listens, avoids giving “advices” (“Smile, move on”, etc) and cares not to pierce your temporary, weak and thin buoy. One can ask about it, how you found it, how you use it, how it is important for you…

Then you eventually could go back on horse with this helping hand.

And take your orange lifebuoy off you : you don’t need this on horseback, you silly French!

PS : What if your buoy becomes permanent?

Thanks for reading!

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