Picasso about Matisse : “We must talk to each other as much as we…”

Picasso about Matisse :

“We must talk to each other as much as we can. When one of us dies, there will be some things that the other will never be able to talk of with anyone else.”

 

“Il faut que nous parlions ensemble le plus possible. Quand l’un de nous sera mort, il aura des choses que l’autre ne pourra plus jamais dire à personne”.

Unconditional Friendship

The strange bliss of instant reconnection with old soulmates

I have 5 or 6 friends with whom I have rare great bursts of emails.

An ex. A penpal. Or a friend. Some of them I’ve never met – only online. For one of them, I’ve even never seen her face, not a picture, not once. We call it “The meeting of spirits”, la rencontre des esprits…

You can stop writing for YEARS, and when you talk again it’s like it stopped the day before. You know, that kind of friend. Soulmates. It can be weaved with past love, but not necessarily. This strange friendship is a treasure, a connection, a link, a bond.

That makes me think, tonight. This kind of bond is delightful, because you both KNOW. You don’t have to say, to explain. It’s just there. You understand each other : “I know you”.

No news for years, and then an email, an answer, and often a burst : five or six emails. Long letters. One skype conversation in 15 years. One phone call in a year. Immediately it climbs to a secret good place you both know. We don’t have to explain. It ours. As if a myriad of appendages were connecting to each other at fast pace.

The link can be reactivated in a second. In many ways. It can be “I need you”. It can be “I have something to tell you”. It can be “I have a problem”. It can be “What’s up dear?”. It can be “Long time no see”. It can be “You seem to need some help”. Or “I miss you”. It depends! But it’s there. Whatever happens.

My soulmates. L. O. PdP. SL. JA. L. BE. ED.

Hey! I know you’re here. You know I’m here. Thank you!

Thanks for reading!

 

 

The Merciless Intimacy of Driven Conversations

Paul Valéry, in his notebooks, wrote a little paragraph about conversations.

We all know what is a good conversation, right? Valéry throws some elements, like a puzzle (each one could become an article), to understand “this” type conversation :

1. Conversations with your own kind, your “very own kind“.
2. It’s driven, there’s a thrust.
3. You need a favorable evening.
4. You drive the conversation together as far as you can.
5. It’s a melt of hate and love, it creates a merciless intimacy.
6. There’s a growth of mutual divination, clairvoyance.
7. There’s a fury, a will to go faster, deeper.
8. It’s like a fight, a chess game, intercourse, it’s like running together.
9. It’s one proof of the existence of humanity…

 

What would you add? How is the subject of conversation chosen (or does it fall from the roof, pushed by mood, events, words)? How is it colored by wine, vodka, whatever? What would add, for this puzzle?

Thanks for reading!

JP

 

The French “Qu’est-ce que tu deviens ?” is our way to ask “What have you been up to?”…

When you meet a friend, you can say “What’s up?”.

It’s clear and simple for a French, with the fascination we have for English’s conciseness : what is “up”, after all? 🙂

I think there’s a slightly different color in “What’s up with you?”, saying “What have you been up to?”, which is “How have you been busy these days?”. I’m good?

Well, we say in this case “What’s new?” : Quoi de neuf ?

After a long-time no-see, we often say : “Qu’est-ce que tu deviens ?“, which means “Who do you become?”, or “What are you turning into?“.

Yessss you see me coming, there’s a cultural difference here showing on the surface :

USA asks “What have you been up to?”, France asks “What are you turning into?”. One friend is asking about your actions, the other one is asking about your inner transformation. Isn’t it revealing? I don’t know, it makes me think, in any case…

 

Thanks for reading!

Instagram : clairemahoney

When you hate someone and 3 mn later you deeply love this person

“When you hate someone and 3 minutes later you deeply love this person”, makes me think of some 2 French idioms :

Avoir du répondant : “To have some answering”. You have in English “To have an answer for everything”, but the French one is VERY different. It’s much more positive, it’s a skill, a happy skill. It’s great to have a friend or a partner who “have some answering”. It means you can fight without anger, like a conversation game : you know that the other is strong enough to play with you, to say “No I disagree” without anger. “Avoir du répondant” is to be smart, fast, effective and strong in conversation. I would add “joyful” to the list.

In conversation, or in sex, or in dance (tango!), or in creativity. You need nerve, decisions, propositions and muscles on your side, right?

 

Ni avec toi, ni sans toi : “Nor with you, nor without you”. It’s a quirky dance. You cannot stand to be with someone : both will be torn apart quickly. “I hate you, demon!. But you cannot stand to be without this personne more than 3 minutes. Because she/he has some answering : Cette personne a du répondant. It’s great to talk. You’re alive. There’s gold, a bond. Come on… “I’ll love you forever whatever”…

What a strange loop!

 

Thanks for reading!

The Quirky Dance of Double Rejection

When I was in my twenties I was reading all Chögyam Trungpa‘s books. This guy (a “preeminent teacher of Tibetan Buddhism”) taught me many things. One of them was :

“Let go when someone tells you to get lost”

Trungpa says that if you nag & beg this person, then you’ll become a demon (he uses this word). I didn’t find again the exact quote, but I remember he was also talking about this image :

1. The rejecter is walking, he says “get lost”.
2. The rejected is begging and becomes a demon.

Well, I think we’ve all been there, that makes sense, right? This article is about what happens next.

• The rejected understands.
• Stops walking, and shuts up.
• (It’s his way to say : “Fine! Get lost too!”)
• He walks again, back on his own path.
• Silent double walk.

See me coming? Yes you do! OK, take a deep breath and visualize this :

• The rejecter slows down, now, thoughtfully.
• Then he walks in front of the other walker.
• He says : “Let’s talk”.
• The other walker doesn’t slow down, thinking the three-letters : “WTF”.
• He walks, it’s his turn to say “Get lost!”.
• Voilà!

It’s why I called quirky this strange dance, which exist between complicated lovers of course, but also between friends, family, spouses, siblings, companies, etc.

The rejecter rejects then is being rejected by the one he rejected when he doesn’t want to reject the other one anymore.

Make a loop of this. Dance.

Dial, then Lever :

What do we do of this dial? What does that mean? Is there an invisible string between the two walkers, a bond? What should they do? What should they say? How to stop the dance? Walk on more distant path? Having fun eventually? Realize it’s a dance and it could be great? Tango?

Thanks for reading!

 

Instagram : such_a_pretty_crazy

Sad Heart, Merry Spirit : Chronicle 9

I read in a Claude Roy diary, as he’s around 70 years old, that he would like to reach this season, this state : “Le temps du cœur triste et de l’esprit gai” – the time of the sad heart and the merry spirit.

Here I have a vocabulary problem : is “gai” happy, merry, gay, jolly? I don’t know. I chose merry.

But I’m very fascinated by this “goal”, from an aged author I liked very much. As if he knew he could never heal his heart. But, knowing this, building his own happiness, a “merry spirit”. This touched me, a lot.

 

Just read an article evoking Robert Osborne, a TCM Television Presenter who just died at 87 years old. It is told that Olivia de Havilland had with him :

One phone call a week, for decades.

Awwweeee! (-> this was the sound of my merry spirit). I wish I had a friend so close that she would call me once a week until I die at 87. Like a whatever-happens-I-want-to-talk-with-you. Awwweeee again (my merry spirit if very merried by this idea).

 

I read (but where, is it Casanova or Jünger?) about the Venice Purse, a knack which says that when you have to go to a “dangerous” place (which was Venice at the time), you needed to have two purses, one with a little money in case you’re robbed, attacked, knocked out, and another one with the main part of it – well hidden.

It’s just funny to know, but then you realize that when you travel abroad you really have to think about what you do with your passport, the amount of money you have with you, etc. I wonder what this concept can tell us about life in general : Be cautious? Watch the exits? Don’t put all your eggs in the same basket? But also : GO to places where you need to think about the Venice Purse, right?

Venice, in French, is VENISE. A perfect word to say : Venizzz. Elegant as a swan, right? Venice is more like braking at the end. No good. French better, sorry.

 

Elmore Leonard says somewhere about novels writing : “If it seems written, I rewrite”.

What a beautiful idea, right? Writing Style Dissimulation Efforts.

And a paradox many artists know well : work, work, work, until nobody sees you worked. It’s an interesting goal, and the path itself is enthralling too. How to reach?

There’s a balance to find, I suppose. It means you have the eyes to know when it’s not OK, when it is OK. Experience.

Well I have a vocabulary problem again. When do you use “enthralling“, dear? Can you say that about a person? How is it radioactivitied? Thrilling? Fearful? Exciting? Or more like “plainfully satisfying”?

 

I watched the Iowa episode of Aerial America yesterday. It’s amazing how many times I hear “French” in these. Detroits and Illinois were “frenchised” words, and how Iowa is a piece of this territory called Louisiana, the US bought to the French 214 years ago.

These TV programs tell me how BIG are the United States. Tonight I’ll watch Illinois, following the path of Bill Bryson’s book across America in car (cf Fixin’to traveling in the USA).

 

OK, it’s too long. I seize the run-up since a few weeks (is “seize the run-up” a good title?), like making the most of an epistolary energy…

I stop here. Next Chronicle next week. Here’s le hug by Ze French :

Have a nice day!

 

#Peanuts #CharlieBrown

Well, there is not

…the map of my wounds

Roland Barthes wrote this about his friends :

“All of them like me well enough, no doubt, but only some know the precise map of my wounds.”

What do they do with this map?

Painting : V. Giarrano

Drawn up Ping Pong : Slow Motion Conversation

This evening I talked for 10 minutes with a photographer. He’s interested in the concept of “perception” in Arts. What do people see? What is to be an artist? How to surprise the audience? To make “beauty”? What is a good picture? How to avoid people to drain into assessments, in Art? What is to be anecdotal? Questions and concepts were like a firework. It was GOOD.

I left this guy, riding my bike, with a smile on my face. He had the same smile. This smile said : “I shared ideas with an interesting person”. It’s almost a relief, right? It’s good, because both of us found ideas into this conversation. We climbed.

When you find an intelligent conversationalist who likes to play “this” ping-pong with you, it gives you a smiling string, an energy, all day long. You now have an interlocutor, a conversation partner. At least!!!!

Jubilation, it’s the word.

OK. Next step now. Imagine one found another.

We can talk in many ways. In real time, man to man, or with Skype. We can text. We can talk/collaborate, write articles, a book. There are many ways to live a conversation-bond.

When you find a “mate” like this, you can struggle for years before you find the right way to communicate. You have to find a pace, too. It’s sometimes difficult to find it but you insist, because you know there’s something.

Maybe you have to slow down? Shut off everything and go to snail paper mail, or “twice a month email”. Etc. Meta-talk about it, it’s interesting! Why?

If you’re fast : text. If you’re near : have a glass of wine and talk for hours. If you need quiet : email.

I like emails. It’s quiet, slow, you can read, re-read, make it grow, garnish, then read over, then again, before you SEND. You can perfectly invent an agreement with your mate : “Don’t write before you get my answer” (which is great : you can decide to stop this for months if you feel like it), or “Two emails a month”. Invent yours!

In our times of speedy communications, everything quiet, drawn up and slow is seen like a treasure. “Keep pace with” because it’s worth it. Slow it down, underwater. Make each sparkle a gold nugget.

What do you think? Who wants to try?

Thanks for reading! Merci !

 

Pointing out bond : “Come here! Look!”

There are so many possible bonds between two people. Friendship, marriage, siblings, parents, etc…

One string is made of this :

When you see something beautiful or interesting – a movie, something in the garden, a sky, a picture, a painting, a concept, a discovery, a dotless ladybug, a music, a struggle, an idea, etc…

You immediately think to this person (your friend, your husband, your soulmate, your sister), and you want to say : 

Viens voir ! Come! Look at this!

This is the best bond : when you want to show, share, point out.

It’s a surgerush, right? What does it show for yourself? What if the wisdom was not to?

Thanks for reading!

Instagram : bodylanguage

Defuse, forestall, or drama increase?

When someone you know says something dramatic or excessive, there’s the possibility to be more dramatic, to unsheathe swords and cut your partner in two (or three, ouch).

Or else, you can use these two lovely words : defuse and forestall. Add a smile, a pair of kisses on forehead, and a few kind words, and hopla, done!

 

You’re funny, were you out of your mind or what?, let’s forget it, come here you silly!

Drunk texts/Sad texts/Angry texts/Sleepy texts

The idea of texting (which is : “words, on phones, between two persons, in real time”) has some consequences.

Emojis help you to color/read sentences, but not all the time.

Beware of arguments in textings!

Texting contains a whole bag of possible problems.

It’s fast : you write and send, you don’t have the quiet comfort of emails, which you can polish for hours or days before sending.

You miss the context, the sound of voice, the eyes, the gestures.

Emojis are false friends. They indicate when it’s humor, for example, but they don’t say about the subtilities. Is the fun colored by sarcasm? Alcohol? Nonsense?

So, as a reader, you often guess well where’s your conversation partner – “He’s drunk, let’s take this in consideration”, or “it’s 3 AM there, I suppose she’s sleepy”. But sometimes, you don’t, you just DON’T!

Someone’s sad. Or had a drink. Or just learned really bad news (but can’t tell you). Etc.

You just have to guess. Build, in real time, your own dials.

The tools are easy to define :

• Don’t have long serious conversations in texting, it’s dangerous.
• If you can’t avoid it, be both aware. Meta-communicate around it.
• If you have to, or if you have to argue, call. Voice.
• Don’t forget you don’t have the gesture and the eyes and expression of your friend.
• Therefore, don’t put the other’s speech in serious boxes. These boxes are probably inaccurate. Or invent them alive, moving, mutating, fragile.
• Listen to your intelligence and to your guts : If you feel that something is wide of the mark, pay closer attention.
• Never hesitate to ask details, a time to think, or an explanation.
• Ask for a change of media : email, voice, real meeting.
• Meta-Communicate again, if you’re hesitating, ask about the mood of your partner.

Etc. Have a nice day! Follow me!

 

 

The Tenderness Agreement

There are many ways to make love, and it’s interesting to watch the levers you can activate, from 0 to 100 :

• Energy from 0 (cuddle and no movement) to 100 (ecstatic fast ending)
• Words (from 0 – a silent intercourse, to 100 – a conversation sex session)
• Time (from quicky to three-days non-stop dance)
• Giving (from “I give” to “you give” and all shades between)
• Tenderness (from 0 : technical ways kama sutra exploring, to 100 : eyes, words of love and attentive caresses).

I’m sure you will find dozens of others dials to watch, risky or not, with or without music, with or without light, etc : the “consenting adults” concept is very powerful, opening doors and paths and windows, destroying inner and “rules” cages.

Today I’m examining the Tenderness Agreement. It’s very soft and sweet. It can exist between husband and wife, or friends, or exes, or siblings, three people, anyone. It’s an agreement, which means you freely both DECIDE (you’re adults, right?), that it’s “only about that”.

Invent your own rules, then :

Underwear only. Skin, but no more. Spend a night together, or one hour. Whatever : you decide before. Cuddling. Caresses. Nothing more. Just being together, listening, breathing, soft caressing, no more. A night, an hour, whatever. It’s about tenderness. “I care”. There are SO MANY ways to say I love you, right? Sex without “sex”. Yessss you can.

So I go back to the levers I wrote at the beginning, and with my partner-of-tenderness (“la tendresse”, en français), we choose. Slow, no light, few words, one night, hands and kisses, keep underwear, tenderness. Then, go to bed, skin touching…

It can trigger some desire? So what? We have an agreement, right? No intercourse and no touch of some strategic places, as we said. It’s interesting. Listen to breathechanging is good. We will respect our agreement.

Or not. Whatever.

Thanks for reading!

 

Unconditional Friendship

“Unconditional love” is a beautiful romantic story, and the idea of marriage will fascinate me forever. I am casual for so many things… I do think that some commitments need some solemnity, though.

There’s unconditional love in other places : a mother and a child, for example.

In this little text I imagine an unconditional friendship. In a life, it’s possible to meet a person so important, as a friend, that you could imagine something like a high range commitment, a bond, something so strong that it gives each other a strength – yes, it’s like a spouse who you know is here standing next to you, whatever happens.

Your believes differ? You take a big decision? You fight around ideas? Good! You can fix everything, and you will, because you know that you both dance with this strong and respectful “engagement” – you just invent it everyday, with absolute freedom, and no cage ever, inner or real.

Thanks for reading!

The Splendid Paradox of #Divorce

I never married, and I will never understand the idea of divorce, it’s like a loop in my head. Why would you ever consider to divorce… since you are married??! Isn’t marriage a commitment? Then, well, it’s exactly it : when you meet a problem, some difficulties, betrayal, whatever, you’re supposed to work on it, right? Because, well, you’re MARRIED! So yes, I realize that I’m much more solemn than I should be. Or not : I never married, after all. Voilà!

Tool : what is a commitment? As it IS a commitment, what can it bring to you? What if you feel prisoner, in a cage? What if a commitment was REALLY a commitment, which means that you can’t even have the possibility to consider there’s a way to change or cut it? Can this happen in friendship, like the “Best Friends Forever” you hear in teens’ mouths? What if it was a real commitment?

Instagram : ___bodylanguage___

Ask your closest friend : “What do I do wrong?” – #friendship #goals #coaching

It’s just a tool and the title says everything :

Ask your closest friend : “What do I do wrong?”

Maybe you have a clue and you want to ask him or her (now I say her) about a problem you have. You both know you have to talk. Prepare a tea, free up an afternoon, and you go girls!

This idea is different, it’s more like : you just want to watch your best friend in the eyes and ask for truth. It’s different and it’s rare. “I ask you to tell me : in your opinion, what do I do wrong?”.

YES it’s asking for “friend-coaching”, and why not?

You have to be aware, both of you. This could lead to dangerous paths, or… uncomfortable discoveries! Set the rules, chillbreathe and let’s go. You are both smart. I know that.

It’s a variation of this article : When you friends are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure. But it’s not for fun, or to teach, or to wander delightfully in the Kingdom of Ideas. It’s about you. Your friend knows your soil and your inner axles. Listen to her, carefully!

Hug, then.

Merci et bonne journée!

Art by Jessica Hess

 

When you friends are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure #INTJ

There are as many types of friendship as friends in the world. You party together, or you are a group of friends, a tribe, you are venting friends, or friends with a political cause, etc…

When you’re both thinkers and talkers, your playground is made of concepts, ideas, directions and possibilities, etc. Bonjour INTJ s !

After this world of words you have the possibility to make them real and work for good, or not – because the world of ideas is a treasure island, of course (and you feel comfortable home, right?). If you don’t USE the ideas now, they can feed you for days, months or years. Later. Plus tard. Mais oui !

Tool :

Sometimes so are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure. Just for the fun of it, just for the bliss of energy, fighting, breaking mindsets, happy disturbance.

I know a teacher who did this with his best friends in front of adult students, just to make the class more interesting!

You can do that with your friend, a colleague, a spouse, anybody who’s clever enough to play.

You need of course to both KNOW that it’s a game. And you have to watch closely to what happens within the flow : sometimes it could happen that you really hurt your friends. We have all some nerves which shouldn’t be touched. Your friend know them, but not necessarily all of them, right?

Most of the time, it will work, though. It’s delightful, and rare. Your bond is stronger each time. And if you had an audience, good to them, thumbs up and all.

Peace! Thanks for reading!

Instagram : vitolx

Is it OK to be a #Muse ? Part II #Inspiration

I tried one day to write about the idea of a muse. It was hard so I just asked questions. Today I will play it further.

In history, the idea of the muse is a bit too much “charged”. A muse is a woman who “inspires” a male artist, right?

I’m not talking about this at all. I dance here with the adult concept of the Muse (and I add a capital to the word), the tool, the pattern if you want. Call it SuperMuse (oh I like this word!) or HyperFriend if you want. Here are a few tracks :

• What do you do as a Muse? You disturb, you ask, you laugh, you listen carefully, you fight, you understand, you don’t understand, you give seeds, you play, you offer, you smile, you sparkle, you inspire, you surprise, you disagree, you push, you coach, you disappear, you help, you think, you give birth, you take care, you are present…
• It’s a fulltime or a “sometime” process. You can be a Muse for 5 minutes a month.
• To be a Muse is a decision. A smiling one. It’s a friendship most of the time.
• To be Muse is often to be a Double Muse, a vice-versa game : you are a Muse to each other.
• To be a Muse is a part time job. You need to be alone, and in your own life sometimes. Good. You plug as a Muse when you want it.
• To be a Muse is important in both ways. You give your Muse part because it’s a matter of generosity. You welcome it with gratitude, because you know the other works and thinks of you as a Muse. It’s a role, yes.
• A Muse is also a part of disruption, disturbance. Our need to be disturbed is (sometimes) real. Sometimes we ask for it. Sometimes we don’t even know it.
• The Muse thing is a joy, and a bond. Sparkling seeds is a happiness.
• A Muse sometimes doesn’t know what to do. There’s an easiness in being a Muse. You have the right to be fragile, too.
• You can apply and use it and ask for it on little areas of your life. On love, on art, on writing, on job, movies, pictures, inventing : anything.
• You can be explicit if you know a friend of yours who can be a Muse : “I need you for my novel”, or “I think you need me for your management issues, am I right?”.
• You will maybe have to define rules about the rich “Double Muse Activity”.
• A Muse can be a muse without any knowledge of being a muse. As a fan, you can use “the existence of the artist you love” as inspiration. After a bereavement (oh a new word for me!), you can work for the memory of someone, or using the “what if he/she was here?” tool).
• I really think we can incarnate as a Mood Muse. Some people can (and know they can) bring you something : a calm, a happiness, a security, an energy, a focus, an accuracy, a way of being ignorant. Your best friend can do that. Your parents too. Yes they do.

What do think about having a Muse, about being one?

 

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Today I reached my 50th follower on WordPress, thank you for reading!

 

Instagram : pavel_fedoseyev

Superfriends, a possible commitment treasure between man & woman

• – Grandpa, why are you sad sitting here in the sun?
• – I’m not sad, kid, I’m melancholic.
• – You think about the past?
• – I think about loss, dear, yes.
• – Tonight I dreamt you were dancing with a woman, very slowly, in this same garden, surrounded by a few hummingbirds. It was beautiful!
• – You saw it? Awwwee… You know, I was not dancing, it was Qigong, my dear.
• – Who was the lady dancing with you, grandpa?
• – An old friend, kid, an old friend…

Between an man and a woman you can live many bonds : mother and son, father and daughter, siblings, lovers, spouses, friends, teachers, colleagues!

Today I would like to talk about another type of bond, a strong one, I would call it “superfriendship“. It’s like being strong close friends, but with more solemnity and commitment. Like a very important friendship.

I think it’s better, as it is between a man and a woman, when each other is married, or have a lover. Superfriends are “friends only” and shouldn’t mess with sex, I mean really – because they would be lovers, and that’s another story (maybe, yes, they can be exes).

Superfriends talk about their bond, about rules, frames, and commitment. They are aware that it is a different friendship, stronger than anything – and I would say : different than marriage, too, stronger than love maybe. Because you avoid the difficulties of love, of living together…

Whatever happens: dramas, arguments, difficulties, anything, a superfriend is here for you, and each other knows it. It’s so important that any disagreement will be fixed, as a rule, and they know it. Because it is very, very, very, very important. For her. For him.

For me, being superfriends is about conversations. It’s a personal view of course. Just invent your own friendship about sports or creativity! With a superfriend, you talk and use ideas, concepts, discussions and words as if they were a whole treasure for you both only. It’s a jubilation! Nobody can and will understand this bond.

You can invent everything, from “call me whenever you want” to straight happy schedules like “Let’s see each other once a month”. You don’t mess with sex, with boredom, with intimacy, with daily organization. You just weave your friendship with conversations, helping hand, coaching, truths, questions. You ask for truth. You say it. You disturb each other. You need each other!

Yes it’s an idea of “ideal”, because you can keep it very pure, very rare, very precious too.

I imagine superfriends without any contact, sending a paper “real” email once a week as a rule, or planning a “Whole Day Skype Session” once a month (dinner included) and nothing else, or keeping a “One Hour Walk” (under an umbrella, if it rains) or a restaurant twice a month. Or a 5 minutes phonecall once a day, why not?

They say it to their respective spouse, as something nobody could ever change, “I see my superfriend”. This IS important, and I don’t and won’t negociate!

Superfriends often say “I LOVE YOU”. It’s a different kind of love, that’s all!

I hope you have one. Really. And, thinking about grandpa at the beginning of this article, I hope you will never know this loss.

Thanks for reading!