Complementary Partner?

When you’re young, you like simple, you like big statements. “Life is sad”, or “I’ll find my prince”, or “I wanna be an actor”.

Some people stay there, it’s why they love categories. They REALLY think they are INTJ – and if you say that sometimes you are also an INFJ, they say you don’t understand the concept. They use boxes and labels. For themselves.

Big question I had when I was in my twenties : “What’s better, to find a complementary partner or a same as you partner?”.

With easily guessed consequences :

  1. If you marry someone like you, it’s easier, you party together, you love the same movies and musics, and your sex life is paradise.
  2. If you marry someone not like you, it’s a mess : quiet vs loud, classical music and hardcore rap, reading in bed and motorbiking in the mud.

After all : BooksTeaCat, SportsBeerDog & their Social Interactions Necessities

Then you grow up and you live and the constant rain of complexities, disillusions and surprises end up to your upgrade : it’s A Matter of Levers – simplicity is senseless.

As we are moving forward in our days, we change, we plug to possibilities, we have many speeds, many joys, many powers and weaknesses, we have many intensities, and feelings.

(And it’s the same for your partner, silly!)

Whoever your partner is, the result is a mess, right? So what? That’s life! Amor Fati!

Oh snap : When you hate someone and 3 mn later you deeply love this person

  1. When your other is a lot like you, it’s great : my lover is a cat person, a book lover, a quiet person, and she has no car (oh this is perfect!) – we evolve in the same aquarium. And I can write or take photos as much as I want!
  2. When your other is a lot NOT like you, good. Why did you choose this person? How do you dance? Isn’t complementary perfect? Don’t you like to read alone when your spouse kills ducks in mudfens? Don’t you have a friend to talk to when your lover is a man of zero words? And also don’t we all need to be disturbed?

What’s the secret here? To stay yourself, of course. Not to bend too much, at the risk of losing your inner light…

Mmhhhhh…

“Opposites attract, but similarities bind”. Is that true?

The “Let’s make it a dance” tool says this : “When it’s difficult somewhere but you have to insist and you have to stay in the system, just accept and absorb the difficulties – and invent a dance. Your dance. It’s a mess, but you can dance it, smile, and climb the stairs”. And ignore the others. Nobody can understand your own dance. It’s a secret.

Sorry, this article is a mess, tant pis. I don’t even know where it went. Hence, I found a picture of my Eliette playing watergunning (or squirtpistoling) with a friend, voilà.

Bonne journée ! Thanks for reading!

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Everything that goes wrong goes right

Are our Fears camouflaged Desires?

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“Be water, my friend” (Bottling, Kowtowing, Destroyance)

As usual, I found many different quotes for this one, and I’m not sure which one is the good one :

Empty your mind
Be formless, shapeless
Like Water

Water can flow
Or it can crash
Be water my friend

Bruce Lee

OK I’m sure it’s about balance and to flow with your own energy – or something…

  1. Something about shape : “When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle”.
  2. It can be about adaptation, right? Use and adapt to what’s around, people, mood, energy.
  3. Then you can think it’s inertia.
  4. Maybe it’s about waiting.
  5. Maybe it’s about surprise : water can crash, flood anything.

Inertia is interesting. It depends who you are. Imagine you’re under terrible or mean management for a year. What is water here, what is inertia?… :

  • Some people think inertia is laziness and inactivity.
  • Some people think inertia is almost sabotage, failure to understand… on purpose.
  • Some people think inertia is just a lack of personality, something about kowtow.
  • Some people know inertia is a strength and a force and a power. You can’t hurt water : it becomes a bottle, or a cup, it becomes anything.
  • Some people know inertia is a resistance.
  • Some people know inertia is a waiting time.
  • Some people know inertia is a way to watch, to increase knowledge or to have fun.

Where to watch or apply this state of mind tool? Management? War? Politics? Couple? Self Help?

Some other guys won’t like it. They fight. Good! Act with your strengths! Some are air, or fire, or earth.

I’m a Taurus. Earth. I could rewrite this article without water (though I’ve been watching things from inside a bootle, many times)…

“Be soil, my friend”. OK I’m on it…

Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

JP

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Watzlawick wrote somewhere that when something is bad…

Watzlawick wrote somewhere that when something is bad, the contrary is not necessarily good.

The idea of “choice” is really a problem, right?

  1. If you INSIST, you’ll maybe fail : “More of the Same Thing”, when insisting is a failure
  2. If you QUIT, you’ll maybe fail too. Or succeed. You have to try!

There’s this : if you walk on one path, you’ll never know what you could have discovered on the other one. One just imagines (convinces oneself) it’s the good choice.

In a way, it’s understandable. A choice, and you close a part of your brain. It’s simpler.

The Frenchness in me is a bit mischievous, and tells me that in front of a choice, I’d choose both – “Bake Two Cakes”, or the dangers of segmentarity

But the crux (I just learned this crux word, and I’m happy!) of these problems is Haecceity.

Insist on A and Quit B, and you just close possibilities, that’s all.

Life is not made of A or B, but to plug with possibilities, it’s constantly moving along the day, along days. Therefore big choices (apart of choices like “I quit smoking”, which is obviously clever) are maybe mistakes : one should always be prepared to play with propositions of life. Don’t you think?

But some days, we are tired, I agree.

Have a great day!

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Inner volcanoes/Inner glaciers

I found this little tool in a Walter Murch book (“In the blink of an eye”). Murch is a film editor, a kind of genius – he’s the guy who edited Apocalypse Now. He quotes an Ingmar Bergman paragraph, who explained something about… Igor Stravinsky.

Stravinsky wrote a lot about interpretation, performance.

As he had a volcano inside, he was preaching moderation. And then he couldn’t tame his volcano, and some concerts were… fiery – which was very surprising for his readers!

Murch tells that we seek balance in our lives.

  1. Therefore when we realize we have a volcano somewhere inside us, we try to temper the eruptions!
  2. And the one who has a glacier inside will advise passions unbridling.

The danger, tells Bergman, is to read Stravinsky the wrong way : to moderate the glacier, or to wind up the volcano.

I think of this Polish idiom : “One shouldn’t butter the butter”.

 

I knowww it’s not a tool, it’s a seed for overthinkers…

When do we have to think this way? What are our volcanoes? What are our glaciers? Do we handle balance? Do we do it the correct way?

 

Thanks for reading!

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The Dreadful Need of Weakness

I read somewhere that Beckett talked about “l’affreux besoin de faiblesse” – the dreadful need of weakness – we all have inside.

When you’re 18 and you have to write about this idea in philosophy course, you fulminate against the teacher, right? But this morning I found it really… arousing.

It’s different if you think about yourself, or about… someone else.

Our need of weakness, when it becomes a necessity to let go, or to choose closure, loneliness and quietness : no events, a life all bland. Can I say “eventless”?

Or when you give in to your flaws : love of good food, or cigarettes.

Vocabulary :

  1. Postponements : procrastination as a need of weakness. “To hell with it”, as a need of weakness.
  2. Lies : because we don’t want to deal with consequences. When we say what the other needs to hear… to have peace.
  3. Drifts : waiting time, hands over reins… just to see what happens? Or for the pleasure to see decisions made by others? Or to witness how something will crash…
  4. Relapses : stop smoking, but…

 

Other words?

And why this need of weakness? To regroup? To stop? To be looked after?…

What do you think? When does it happen? How do you detect and accept it in other people around you?

Thanks for reading!

 

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Everything that goes wrong…

Hi everybody!

I heard about a Tai Chi teacher, an old Chinese woman living in France, who used to say a mysterious sentence to the students.

“C’est ce qui ne va pas qui va”

…which sounds like a typical Oriental brain-teaser riddle like “Everything is in everything and reciprocally”.

What does that mean? How to translate it?

  • Everything that goes wrong goes right
  • This is what does not go that goes
  • Only wrong things are moving forward
  • What goes wrong goes right
  • What doesn’t go goes

 

This sentence is a bit like the Toltec thing. A few words compacted in a seed.

 

The first Toltec agreement says : “Don’t make assumptions”, and the fifth : “Be skeptical (use the power of doubt to question everything you hear)”.

I love that because it’s a loop, and it’s incoherent (to question everything is to make infinite assumptions). And in a way that’s life!

Also this : Ruiz’s agreements are injunctions, orders : Do this/Don’t do this. It’s very Occidental (we all this like this, right? : If this then that (consequences)).

“What doesn’t go… goes” is more Oriental. It’s an assessment, a fact, almost a report. An observation!

 

OK. When you think about it, it works! The perfect image of the grain of sand in the oyster : this makes a pearl.

Nietzsche is more lyrical : “One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”

And also, in a way, it’s the Amor Fati wisdom, the love of fate. You can (and have to) decide that what happens… happens. It’s better to accept it. If it’s wrong, we can maybe decide it’s right :

…it’ll make you stronger, it’ll make you think, it’ll show you new path.

On our need to be disturbed…

“What goes wrong goes right”, hey, it’s the title of my future book, OK? Don’t steal it, please!

Have a nice day!

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