“He said this I said that” are conversation thieves, but well…

At work. Lunch time. You hear people telling things…

“He said this, then I answered that, and then he said…”. Etc.

The interlocutor nods in agreement – she/he HAS TO, right?

Because the “He said this I said that” person is a little excited by her/his report.

I don’t know exactly why, but it’s not a good sign. “He said this I said that” guys and girls are a bit boring, right? They are like… conversation thieves.

They blow their own trumpet, they’re all that.

Interlocutor? Nod please, because they need to blow it. I mean : the trumpet. They say :

– I’m great, right? I’m strong! I don’t let myself pushed around, right?

Yes! Say yes! Because… they really don’t expect you to say “No, because”!

Therefore, it’s like a game. A play. One is making as if he’s strong. Two is making as if he agrees. And we all know why people play this game : because after a moment, it’s the other’s turn. Other way round. “As for me” time.

In a way, it’s like liking someone’s happiness selfie, right?

…wounded egos has to say it…

 

A long time ago I read in a forum a woman contribution, she was angry, saying that us guys were talking about things (my guns, my knife, my car), and girls were talking about people (she said, he said). She was obviously craving conversations about ideas. But found no one. It’s a slightly very little spoonish schematic, but, well, it said something…

 

Have a nice day!

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“Add some light in places”, or why to intellectualize will never kill the magic!

This is an old pattern many people use, like an old, useless dusty tool. This one says something like :

In front of beauty, don’t intellectualize too much or else you’ll lose the magic

 

In sex, art, photography, any place where magic is found, of course we can say that wizardry exists because it unfolds out of the words’s limitations.

Even in fields like poetry or novels (where words are used), able to catch you with style and stories, and bring you in the domain of dreams.

And I’m the first to tell – and repeat – here in this blog, that it is wise to stay out of words, these weak labels, in many articles about how photographers or painters don’t like to explain, etc.

In front of beauty, don’t intellectualize too much or else you’ll lose the magic

Peel and decorticate magic, and you kill the goose (with the golden eggs, etc).

Well : Okey!

I’d add this word : BUT. Or this word : ALSO.

But, also, and nevertheless, there are days you wanna do it.

Analyze the magic of a novel. Dissect a music track. Have a precise conversation about sex. Use the pause button on your remote control to understand how a scene is edited. Read articles about masterpieces, and prefaces of old classics. Stop eating this delicious meal and try to find how it’s been cooked. Wonder how your love story is evolving…

This IS what intellectualizing is, it brings knowledge, shows you new paths, increases your intelligence, draws new maps, enlightens your universe, gives you more energy to explore, to dive deeper the next time you’ll plunge into your next “not thinking too much” moments…

Do you really think it “kills the magic”?

What if it rather adds some light in places?

Thanks for reading!

 

#layers
#layers

“Say your Say” – when a thinker’s tension needs a relief

Everybody knows this tension when you have to say something to someone.

You can write a letter to this person and then destroy it. You can organize a conversation because you “have to say your word”.

You can also read this article : “Venting of Paper“.

You “prepare” what you have to say for hours, hours, and days, overthinking your future monolog. And the day you’re on it, it’s even richer than what you prepared. Your mind is propelled by the tension you had in yourself for so long. You reach the end of your say with a feeling of relief.

Until next time, right?

It’s a similar process when you have to think how to write a blog article. You found the idea, you’re in front of your Macintosh, and… some days, it’s impossible : you don’t find the proper way to do it, you don’t find your first sentence, it simply does not move along.

Then you know what? Instead of watching the wall or your lamp like a dead louse, act like when you have to say something so somebody : find a random person around (your mother, your cat, a friend you can call), and explain to him/her what you would like to explain in this article, how you don’t succed, or maybe just ask a few questions, then jump through the first window which will appear in the person’s response. Blah blah time.

Your mind, propelled by the tension of “I have an idea I’d like to blog about but don’t know how to do it”, will do the rest : you’ll monolog, discovering probably new ideas along, et voilà. Then, say thanks to the poor headshaking listener, and write.

You can also read this article : “Get some help from an ignorant“.

Thanks for reading!

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Instagram : bodylanguage

 

Light a fire under my fantasy flaw : Words VS Action

This article was triggered by a friend in the USA, telling me that many men from other countries asked her to visit (all this linked to love and attraction, etc…), but… “Who takes a plane to visit ME?”.

I read many interviews of filmmakers, who love to write stories and scenarios, and like to work for days on the editing process, but these directors hate shooting because it’s a compromise of their script – or at least they find it boring and complicated. You’re surrounded by a huge team who spend their time to fix problems, right? With actors who are fragile, lost, or complicated. They know they HAVE TO do it, though.

I think I’m this kind of guy. This is a flaw, and this is bad. I tend to live in a fantasy world. I like ideas, books, and metaphors. I like to say “Let’s keep it a dance”, but I don’t propose real tango lessons. I fantasize about traveling but I don’t even have a passport! I’d love to visit Luca (Italy), Yalta (Ukraine), or Petaluma (California)… and I don’t even have a car.

I’m not a doer, I’m not a strong person, I’m a dreamer and we dreamers tend to overthink instead of moving our asses. I know it can be felt as a betrayal by action people…

I should light a fire under my ass (ohh these American idioms with the word “ass”) but I don’t and won’t. Somebody could light it for me, but that’s lazy to easy to say that, right? And if I don’t move it could hurtburn my bottom, poor me! Condemned to stand up for the rest of my life…

Nevertheless, I think that you could find a sidekick lover, a partner who likes your conversation and dreaming capacities (fair’s fair), who settles in, takes their place next to you, not to become an engine or a pusher, which would be exhausting, but who knows you well enough to guess when to trigger this lever they know about. A single well placed sentence and a dreamer can become a strong action happy man. Tadaaaa.

OK, too easy, and lazy, right? It was probably…

…a dream 🙂

Have a nice day!

(Fair’s fair… I like this one!)

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Drawn up Ping Pong : Slow Motion Conversation

This evening I talked for 10 minutes with a photographer. He’s interested in the concept of “perception” in Arts. What do people see? What is to be an artist? How to surprise the audience? To make “beauty”? What is a good picture? How to avoid people to drain into assessments, in Art? What is to be anecdotal? Questions and concepts were like a firework. It was GOOD.

I left this guy, riding my bike, with a smile on my face. He had the same smile. This smile said : “I shared ideas with an interesting person”. It’s almost a relief, right? It’s good, because both of us found ideas into this conversation. We climbed.

When you find an intelligent conversationalist who likes to play “this” ping-pong with you, it gives you a smiling string, an energy, all day long. You now have an interlocutor, a conversation partner. At least!!!!

Jubilation, it’s the word.

OK. Next step now. Imagine one found another.

We can talk in many ways. In real time, man to man, or with Skype. We can text. We can talk/collaborate, write articles, a book. There are many ways to live a conversation-bond.

When you find a “mate” like this, you can struggle for years before you find the right way to communicate. You have to find a pace, too. It’s sometimes difficult to find it but you insist, because you know there’s something.

Maybe you have to slow down? Shut off everything and go to snail paper mail, or “twice a month email”. Etc. Meta-talk about it, it’s interesting! Why?

If you’re fast : text. If you’re near : have a glass of wine and talk for hours. If you need quiet : email.

I like emails. It’s quiet, slow, you can read, re-read, make it grow, garnish, then read over, then again, before you SEND. You can perfectly invent an agreement with your mate : “Don’t write before you get my answer” (which is great : you can decide to stop this for months if you feel like it), or “Two emails a month”. Invent yours!

In our times of speedy communications, everything quiet, drawn up and slow is seen like a treasure. “Keep pace with” because it’s worth it. Slow it down, underwater. Make each sparkle a gold nugget.

What do you think? Who wants to try?

Thanks for reading! Merci !

My Morning

 

Drunk texts/Sad texts/Angry texts/Sleepy texts

The idea of texting (which is : “words, on phones, between two persons, in real time”) has some consequences.

Emojis help you to color/read sentences, but not all the time.

Beware of arguments in textings!

Texting contains a whole bag of possible problems.

It’s fast : you write and send, you don’t have the quiet comfort of emails, which you can polish for hours or days before sending.

You miss the context, the sound of voice, the eyes, the gestures.

Emojis are false friends. They indicate when it’s humor, for example, but they don’t say about the subtilities. Is the fun colored by sarcasm? Alcohol? Nonsense?

So, as a reader, you often guess well where’s your conversation partner – “He’s drunk, let’s take this in consideration”, or “it’s 3 AM there, I suppose she’s sleepy”. But sometimes, you don’t, you just DON’T!

Someone’s sad. Or had a drink. Or just learned really bad news (but can’t tell you). Etc.

You just have to guess. Build, in real time, your own dials.

The tools are easy to define :

  • Don’t have long serious conversations in texting, it’s dangerous.
  • If you can’t avoid it, be both aware. Meta-communicate around it.
  • If you have to, or if you have to argue, call. Voice.
  • Don’t forget you don’t have the gesture and the eyes and expression of your friend.
  • Therefore, don’t put the other’s speech in serious boxes. These boxes are probably inaccurate. Or invent them alive, moving, mutating, fragile.
  • Listen to your intelligence and to your guts : If you feel that something is wide of the mark, pay closer attention.
  • Never hesitate to ask details, a time to think, or an explanation.
  • Ask for a change of media : email, voice, real meeting.
  • Meta-Communicate again, if you’re hesitating, ask about the mood of your partner.

Etc. Have a nice day! Follow me!

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Ask your closest friend : “What do I do wrong?” – #friendship #goals #coaching

It’s just a tool and the title says everything :

Ask your closest friend : “What do I do wrong?”

Maybe you have a clue and you want to ask him or her (now I say her) about a problem you have. You both know you have to talk. Prepare a tea, free up an afternoon, and you go girls!

This idea is different, it’s more like : you just want to watch your best friend in the eyes and ask for truth. It’s different and it’s rare. “I ask you to tell me : in your opinion, what do I do wrong?”.

YES it’s asking for “friend-coaching”, and why not?

You have to be aware, both of you. This could lead to dangerous paths, or… uncomfortable discoveries! Set the rules, chillbreathe and let’s go. You are both smart. I know that.

It’s a variation of this article : When you friends are so close that you organize arguments for pleasure. But it’s not for fun, or to teach, or to wander delightfully in the Kingdom of Ideas. It’s about you. Your friend knows your soil and your inner axles. Listen to her, carefully!

Hug, then.

Merci et bonne journée!

Art by Jessica Hess

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