The Quirky Dance of Double Rejection

When I was in my twenties I was reading all Chögyam Trungpa‘s books. This guy (a “preeminent teacher of Tibetan Buddhism”) taught me many things. One of them was :

“Let go when someone tells you to get lost”

Trungpa says that if you nag & beg this person, then you’ll become a demon (he uses this word). I didn’t find again the exact quote, but I remember he was also talking about this image :

  1. The rejecter is walking, he says “get lost”.
  2. The rejected is begging and becomes a demon.

Well, I think we’ve all been there, that makes sense, right? This article is about what happens next.

  • The rejected understands.
  • Stops walking, and shuts up.
  • (It’s his way to say : “Fine! Get lost too!”)
  • He walks again, back on his own path.
  • Silent double walk.

See me coming? Yes you do! OK, take a deep breath and visualize this :

  • The rejecter slows down, now, thoughtfully.
  • Then he walks in front of the other walker.
  • He says : “Let’s talk”.
  • The other walker doesn’t slow down, thinking the three-letters : “WTF”.
  • He walks, it’s his turn to say “Get lost!”.
  • Voilà!

It’s why I called quirky this strange dance, which exist between complicated lovers of course, but also between friends, family, spouses, siblings, companies, etc.

The rejecter rejects then is being rejected by the one he rejected when he doesn’t want to reject the other one anymore.

Make a loop of this. Dance.

Dial, then Lever :

What do we do of this dial? What does that mean? Is there an invisible string between the two walkers, a bond? What should they do? What should they say? How to stop the dance? Walk on more distant path? Having fun eventually? Realize it’s a dance and it could be great? Tango?

Thanks for reading!

 

Or don't. 
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Inner Doppelganger Turmoil

Last week I had to talk for five minutes with a 25 years old woman, and this demoiselle probably saw my eyes growing and gazing at her with conturmoilfusion, while I was trying not to show it.

No she wasn’t transforming herself into a chorizo-nosed beaver : It was me. I was victim of the Inner Doppelganger schock.

Yeahhh you know the legend : each person has a doppelganger, somewhere on Earth. And it’s disturbing to meet someone’s look-alike, right?

This lady looked like a friend of mine, but… not that much. But her voice was the same. Then the way she talked was the same. Then the way she was moving was the same. Then the way she stood up was the same. Her silhouette and height were the same. Then the kind of books she was talking about was from the same field the “original” one liked…

Not outside doppelganger : inner doppelganger.

I wonder what it means, but I immediately thought of R. Sheldrake, who invented the concept of the morphic fields, which he extended to collective inconscious, etc. Strange attractors…

So, like Archetypes, there is maybe only a finite number of “ways of developing”. Maybe, in certain conditions (education, peoples around, etc), you can begin a personality which is almost the same as someone else. Like an doppelganger of the inside!

Thanks for reading!

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Decorticate Genius & Laughing Ferrymen

One of the best things, in the world of books and ideas, is to hear a passionate lecture by someone who knows a style, an author, a field, a book.

Some writers are great teachers. Umberto Eco‘s essays are delicious (so Italian!). The literature classes of Nabokov are fabulous (so Russian?). Some guys have this talent to tell you how and why some classics are relevant, interesting and useful even in your little lives.

Le Misanthrope is a French play from the 17th Century. I just read a book from Fabrice Luchini (“Comédie Française, ça a débuté comme ça”), a French actor who tried to write his autobiography, but offered, in fact, pages of passionate lectures about French poetry (Rimbaud), theater (Molière) or prose (Céline), telling us how and why these authors are so enthralling (giving all details he learned as a skilled actor : rhythm, words, sentences, concepts – we French love words, you know that, right?).

Decorticate and peel genius, and offer the recipe to others.

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Well, I won’t do it for you now, but I have a slicexample. Luchini evokes Le Misanthrope, a French play by Molière, 17th Century, and a dialog between two friends. One is the misanthrope, angry against humanity (the full text translated in English is here). The other one trying to tame… Let’s see :

Alceste…times I feel suddenly inclined to fly into a wilderness far from the approach of men.

Philinte…let us torment ourselves a little less about the vices of our age, and be a little more lenient to human nature. Let us not scrutinize it with the utmost severity, but look with some indulgence at its failings.

Sometimes with are Alceste, grouchy against fashion bloggers, or people with 4879 friends of Facebook incapable of communicate with real people around, and at other times we are more like Philinte, trying to understand that these people… do what they can, that they struggle a lot, they try to live, to love, to stand up alive. Maybe they’re unbearable, but they’re not guilty! It’s a balance, a swaying, wavering between both. Haecceity! This is life…

One of my pleasure these days is to discover these authors, I could call them the ferrymen.

Who are yours? Who do you lecture? Do you remember the way you laughed with jubilation? With who?

Thanks for reading!

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The “Uncanny valley” of Sick #Robots

Wikipedia : The uncanny valley is the hypothesis that human replicas which appear almost, but not exactly, like real human beings elicit feelings of eeriness and revulsion among some observers.

So, a robot should look like a robot. If it’s too close of a human being (“near realistic but imperfect”), it’ll be rejected. Because, probably, your instinct sees something slightly wrong, and therefore the robot seems ILL.

Of course, it’s interesting to try to understand how it works, because it’s more subtle than that. And also : what are the ways to avoid this uncannyness? Can people get used to it?

 

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Faire à manger (to cook), Faire pipi (to pee). In France, we “faire” a lot…

In France we make love, but we also make food (faire à manger), make some jogging (faire du jogging), and we make some boat too (faire du bateau).

I really don’t know why we French do this, the “faire” thing, and I wonder if there’s another language with this mess.

More : we all know that our “way of thinking” in the world is like built in the language. What does it imply?

A few more examples to play with :

  • Faire du gringue : to flirt.
  • Faire fi : to ignore.
  • Faire du vélo : to bike.
  • En faire une maladie : to have a fit (oh?).

Strangely enough, in France we say “prendre une douche”, like in English “to take a shower”. Italian people, though, “fare una doccia” : to make a shower”!

Thanks for reading!

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Axes, Axis, Axles : “Become who you are”

Among all the empty phrases we find everywhere in the Self Help garden rubbish, I love this one :

“Become who you are”

You could examine this for hours just for having fun, like in front of a stupid golden loop, an exploding immobility, a… mysterious goal. Because, oui, bien sûr : how the hell could I become another person but who I am? Google it if you want, you’ll find the habitual waste : sunsets, roads, inspirational landscapes…

But Okayyyy, there’s something right into it. Which is this : we grow up, we become adults, and when we reach the middle of our life, where we know ourselves more :

  • Some parts of us became soft and rotten, they went to pieces and fell.
  • Some other parts became more solid, muscled.

A double process! From this process, some axes cleared and appeared, voilà. This is or these are your strong lines. I can be to “find love”, to be a wife, to take care of others, to be a parent, to work, to travel or to be creative. Your find, one day, your dominant trait. You became who you are… or at least,  you know more… what you would like to be!

There can be, I’m sure, some inferior axes : being famous, to be entertained continuously (bonjour kidults!), piling money, or to “appear happy” in the social media selfies big dumpster. Whatever : comes a day you know what is your main Axis.

The uncompleteness we all know (“something’s lacking in my life, but what?”) could ensue from the gap between what we do and what we should do, according to our axes. “Become who you are” could be a way to fill in this gap…

One could imagine that we invent some false axes : the real one then could show up suddenly after a shock or a crisis.

Take the exemple of the Sylvia Plath syndrome, a person who absolutely wants to publish a book. One day, the book is there, and the axis disappeared immediately : it leaves this person completely indifferent. We could call this the “So what” disillusion. This needs another article, right?

Axis disappearance. Axis revelation. Axes are maybe like milk teeth : you have some when you’re young, then another one emerges when you become an adult. Become who you are. Okayyyyy…

Thanks for reading!

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“Biases to Pieces” – when life goes wrong, do something unusual – #change

When something goes wrong in our lives, we try to find solutions, we meet people or therapists, we try to entertain, we read, we think, we cry, et cetera.

There’s also this oblique tool : do something unusual. Change something, hair, paths, house, habits, anything. Dare, and be a little more casual. Breathe a new air, open unusual windows. This is a beginning. It can work, or not. So what?

If you know how to wait, your “charge” will inflate up until you’ll explode into a solution. This is where you will be able to say afterwards : “I can’t even recognize my own soul”, which is another way to say “What did I do?”. So what??

Whatever! : change was urgent, and needed.

Tools :

Stay on you horse, let go the reins, and go faster. Let the horse choose.

Your need to be disturbed is there, and it’s HUGE. Try disturbing paths. Push unknown doors. Walk forward in unknown places and ways.

Do the contrary. Love the guy you don’t love. Choose the opposite. Say no to your yesses and yes to your nos. Try random. Be crazy. Quit. Don’t explain. Shut up and move. Search for your fears and attack them. Slam the door to reason’s face and listen to your guts. Find your wolf inside (or your dark parrot). Take your biases to pieces. Burn your bridges. Or not. Or for a moment. Step inside, step back, breathe back home. Push nugget-risks inside the grey. Find your explosives. Use them where you never did. Bam.

Merci ! Thanks for reading!

 

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